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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
themusingsofaninsomniac · 09/12/2023 21:36

Friend A sounds like a bridezilla even though her own wedding has now passed.

As a friend in the middle, I'd be telling friend A they are being ridiculous and supporting friend B and celebrating their happy news.

Don't understand wtf friend A thinks this had to do with her wedding.. the whole holiday people have paid and attended is theirs to enjoy, however they wish..

ChateauDuMont · 09/12/2023 21:39

A is a puffed up pompous clown.

No one owns the rights to the month, day, hour or minute for another person to get engaged.

tuscanvines · 09/12/2023 21:41

Friend A is absolutely batshit. All the best to Friend B!

ActDottie · 09/12/2023 21:45

Friend A is ridiculous. Friend A should be grateful that friend B was happy to go to the wedding when they could’ve had another holiday of their choosing but they instead chose to make the wedding their holiday.

ZoeCM · 09/12/2023 21:46

This reminds me of that thread about the woman who wanted a "cool-down period" of several months after her own wedding before anyone else got engaged.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 09/12/2023 21:47

Friend A is a childish, petulant, drama llama. How has someone getting engaged three days after her wedding 'taken away the spotlight'? She might have a point if it happened in the middle of the festivities, but it didn't.

Amazing how people think they are mature enough to get married and yet they are immature enough to have a tantrum over something like this Confused

GladioliandSweetPeas · 09/12/2023 21:47

I think friend A is cheesy & tacky as f for the ‘Destination Wedding’ and friend B’s boyfriend is just plain odd for only being capable of proposing anywhere except the place they live….

Nanny0gg · 09/12/2023 21:51

He didn't propose at the Reception, it was perfectly acceptable to do it three days later!

The bride and groom need to get over themselves.

And I can't believe some people thing that B's fiancé was in the wrong!

StaunchMomma · 09/12/2023 21:53

Does Friend A really think she gets an entire 'period' in which everyone has to bask in the glow of her nuptials and reject all other celebratory incidences in their own lives?! She got MARRIED, not coronated!!

Literally the most entitled, self-obsessed bit of batshittery I've heard in quite some time.

Friend A needs to get the feck over herself and if Friend B has an ounce of sense she'll tell her to fuck right off and go plan a better wedding.

autienotnaughty · 09/12/2023 21:56

Friend A is ridiculous. If he proposed at the wedding fair enough. But it was three days later totally separate from the wedding

Ploctopus · 09/12/2023 22:00

Friend A is a selfish lunatic who needs to get a grip.

Oblomov23 · 09/12/2023 22:04

Friend A is fucking mental and deranged.

ModestMoon · 09/12/2023 22:16

I was friend B! Got engaged a few days after my best friend's wedding abroad, me and DH had taken a few days to go and have our own holiday in that country after the wedding celebrations and he proposed. It was also our yearly holiday. I rang my best friend, who was on her honeymoon, to tell her before I told anyone else. She was delighted, laughed and said she was so happy that DH had the sense to realise that she couldn't be a married woman all on her lonsesome. She loves that we're part of each other's wedding stories, because we are friends and we love each other. I can honestly say that it had never occured to me that anyone would be annoyed. Do they own the entire month of their wedding?

As it turned out two years later we also got pregnant within three weeks of each other (her first) so there is still time for friend B to piss off friend A even more.

Tryingmybestadhd · 09/12/2023 22:16

Friend A is a self entitled idiot who doesn’t realise life carries on outside her wedding . A real friend would just be happy for the other

Gymnopedie · 09/12/2023 22:19

Op YABU if you're not telling A very firmly to put a sock in it.

user1471447924 · 09/12/2023 22:21

Is the OP secretly actually Friend A…?

ChilledToTheBone · 09/12/2023 22:23

A. Is being unreasonable.

limefrog · 09/12/2023 22:29

I think Friend A in this scenario is bonkers.

We had a friend get engaged a few days after our wedding - they said that our wedding inspired them. Couldn't be anything but incredibly happy for them and thrilled that our love had inspired others too.

SoInLuv · 09/12/2023 22:34

I agree with previous posters!! Friend A is in thr wrong big time.
I know two sisters- one had her wedding in the UK, months ago, and ON her wedding day her own sister got engaged. Everybody thought it was beautiful and romantic.

Friend B didn't steal any spotlight like others said, Friend A is an ungrateful, selfish woman.

Katbum · 09/12/2023 22:54

Friend A sounds like a nightmare. Is she generally controlling and a PIA?

SeparatedAndFree · 09/12/2023 23:01

It's funny whenever I see videos of a bride handing her bouquet to someone who then gets proposed to the comments sections are full of disgust but if the bride is in on it they clearly don't care so why do other people.

wronginalltherightways · 09/12/2023 23:10

Friend A is being quite unreasonable. She should have been thrilled for her friend ... a friend who spent her only holiday on coming to A's wedding.

and this took place 3 DAYS after the wedding.

A needs to get over herself. Quickly. She should be embarrassed for behaving like this.

TeaGinandFags · 09/12/2023 23:13

Stay well out of it.

Change the subject.

Friend B did no wrong but feelings are running high and you don't want to get caught in the crossfire. Especially when friend A announces pregnancy around friend B's wedding.

I hear the convents offer sanctuary ...

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. I was one of the very few who thought friend A was justified, but my DH says that apparently people proposing at other people's weddings is quite common...

DappledThings · 09/12/2023 23:22

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. I was one of the very few who thought friend A was justified, but my DH says that apparently people proposing at other people's weddings is quite common...

Which isn't what happened anyway.

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