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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
sueelleker · 10/12/2023 10:55

YABU-friend A is ridiculous. How long does she think friend B's boyfriend should have waited? It's not as if he proposed at the wedding, or announced the engagement before it! Is A one of those brides that earmark a whole year as "her" time?

TheBeef · 10/12/2023 13:19

There isn't enough information.

  • What is their relationship like?
  • How was engagement announced or celebrated?

Friend A /everybody can have whatever feelings they want to have. Nobody here knows, some of the comments here about a third party stranger in the internet are over the top.

We do not know what the relationship is between these friends. Friend B might have main character syndrome. This could be the last straw. Friend A might be a princess.

How did the Friend A's anger and upset manifest? If they rolled their eyes and expressed thunder stealing thoughts to OP, that sounds reasonable. Blocking friend A on social media and not attending further engagement celebrations might be immature.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/12/2023 15:15

ModestMoon · 09/12/2023 22:16

I was friend B! Got engaged a few days after my best friend's wedding abroad, me and DH had taken a few days to go and have our own holiday in that country after the wedding celebrations and he proposed. It was also our yearly holiday. I rang my best friend, who was on her honeymoon, to tell her before I told anyone else. She was delighted, laughed and said she was so happy that DH had the sense to realise that she couldn't be a married woman all on her lonsesome. She loves that we're part of each other's wedding stories, because we are friends and we love each other. I can honestly say that it had never occured to me that anyone would be annoyed. Do they own the entire month of their wedding?

As it turned out two years later we also got pregnant within three weeks of each other (her first) so there is still time for friend B to piss off friend A even more.

As it turned out two years later we also got pregnant within three weeks of each other (her first) so there is still time for friend B to piss off friend A even more.

<crosses fingers both hands>

Also gives the opportunity for a "name theft"! I can't wait!

Greenshed · 10/12/2023 17:40

Friend A needs to grow up.

KarenandFour · 10/12/2023 17:44

Friend A is clearly a bridezilla and needs to get a grip!

amccabe15 · 10/12/2023 17:44

Friend A is egocentric, expected ‘friends’ to shell out to go to her wedding etc. etc. She needs to grow up!

DungballInADress · 10/12/2023 17:50

YABU, Friend A needs to realise that while their wedding might have been the centre of THEIR universe, its not the centre of others' universes.

tachycardigan · 10/12/2023 17:51

amccabe15 · 10/12/2023 17:44

Friend A is egocentric, expected ‘friends’ to shell out to go to her wedding etc. etc. She needs to grow up!

Bit harsh and not true, the very first post by OP says ‘Friend A… Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc.’

pineapplesundae · 10/12/2023 17:53

Do Friend B a favor and tell Friend A they are totally in the wrong! Really! The wedding is over and now their time belongs to them, Friend B that is.

Pandermonium · 10/12/2023 17:58

Friend A is being a diva and should be happy for her friend! It's not like they got engaged during the speeches!

ElevenSeven · 10/12/2023 18:00

Friend A is pathetic.

saffy2 · 10/12/2023 18:09

Friend A is totally mad!!!
congratulations to them both!

BIossomtoes · 10/12/2023 18:14

Pandermonium · 10/12/2023 17:58

Friend A is being a diva and should be happy for her friend! It's not like they got engaged during the speeches!

You read my mind.

GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 10/12/2023 18:14

Friend A is sooo unreasonable, holiday weddings are SO expensive and such a big ask anyway let alone trying to control peoples lives afterwards. He didn't propose at the wedding, she doesn't own the whole week! What a shit way to treat a friend.

pphammer · 10/12/2023 18:15

Friend A is being childish/unreasonable

IvorTheEngineDriver · 10/12/2023 18:17

Friend A is batshit crazy. The world revolves around the bride on her wedding day. Once the reception's over she's back in the herd with the rest of us.

Snowflakeslayer · 10/12/2023 18:33

Friend A needs to have a word with herself. Appalling behaviour.

CrazylazyJane · 10/12/2023 18:50

I was friend B a few years ago. My now DH and I waited until we got home to announce it but the couple whose destination wedding we went to were overjoyed that we also made the holiday so special. Now both the original bride and groom and us hold that destination dear to us for the memories we made there. Friend A is batshit to be this worked up over friend B getting engaged.

C152 · 10/12/2023 18:53

Friend A is being ridiculous. If Friend B's boyfriend had proposed in the middle of Friend A's ceremony, she'd have a point, but he didn't, so she's just behvaing badly. Her wedding was over. The 'spotlight' was no longer on her.

Ilovecleaning · 10/12/2023 19:10

Can’t be bothered with this kind of teenage crap.

Danielle9891 · 10/12/2023 19:29

If it was at the wedding then I would have understood the bride being a little annoyed but it wasn't, so it's got nothing to do with her.

Lea1234 · 10/12/2023 19:38

Definitely with friend B! Talking as someone who had someone propose AT our wedding - it was our idea and all planned into the bouquet toss, we loved being a part of that and sharing the excitement and was more than happy to share some of the spotlight for that little bit of our day. So yes when people react like friend A I am completely baffled!

Your instinct is right in my opinion OP 😊

GingerNutMe · 10/12/2023 19:49

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:41

Neither! We're all in the same friendship group, but I am much closer to and have known B for years and years. I agree with B, but a couple of friends agree with A so I didn't know if I was being bias, hence why I was curious from an outside perspective Smile

Show quote history

The friends don't really agree with A at all, they are just arse licking to stay on her sweet side!

Cosyblankets · 10/12/2023 20:05

What does friend A think is a reasonable amount of time? A week? A month? Is she claiming the whole year?

FreddieMercurysCat · 10/12/2023 20:15

Another Team B here. Friend A sounds insufferable.