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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 20:22

Nobody was anything but delighted for the couples, in fact the Bride and Groom loved that their wedding had been the catalyst for more love and more weddings.

That would have been the mature reaction.

I couldn't be dealing with such amateur dramatics from person A in a so-called friendship group. It's pathetic behaviour.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/12/2023 20:22

Yes, i’m also curious what the official It’s My Special Day exclusion zone is - more than the 24 hrs i would have originally assumed, apparently more than 72, does it extend to two weeks post-wedding? The first fiscal quarter? Is it 40 days and nights like lent?

ThomasinaLivesHere · 09/12/2023 20:22

I agree with consensus and it’s pretty clear cut. I just can’t understand where A is coming from. I don’t get how it overshadows anything

StrugglingwithmyMH · 09/12/2023 20:24

You know what I agree with the bride. the trip was about them and their wedding not someone else’s proposal. The thoughts should be with the married couple

x2boys · 09/12/2023 20:24

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 20:21

But is the last night of her wedding holiday the only time to say "your big day is over"? I think it would have shown more grace for B to announce it after they were back home.

Show quote history

It was also their holiday ,not just her wedding ,they combined the two.

WinterDeWinter · 09/12/2023 20:25

Friend A is babonkers.

user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 20:25

She didn't even have her nails done

But I also think this is a weird take tbh. Is anybody living their lives in this group or just focused on fake performative nonsense.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/12/2023 20:25

Friend A is a dick

WinterDeWinter · 09/12/2023 20:26

<But Psst OP it's 'biased'.>

Though I appreciate that anyone under 30 might think I am also babonkers.

Sighhhhh · 09/12/2023 20:27

Friend A needs to get a grip

user628468523532453 · 09/12/2023 20:28

StrugglingwithmyMH · 09/12/2023 20:24

You know what I agree with the bride. the trip was about them and their wedding not someone else’s proposal. The thoughts should be with the married couple

Edited

The thoughts should be with the married couple

Sorry, what? They're not gods being worshipped.

mn29 · 09/12/2023 20:30

Friend A is unreasonable. If it was the night before she got married I may have had more sympathy but her time was over by the time B got engaged. It’s not like A had paid for their trip to be there, either.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2023 20:32

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 19:40

A is wrong to make a fuss, since B presumably had no control over the timing of her partner's proposal.

However it is very bad form to announce your engagement at a friend's wedding party (albeit a ridiculously extended one). There are hundreds of other days in the year to do it, and I think many brides would think "WTAF?!" if the conversation on the last night of their wedding holiday centred on somebody else's engagement and, inevitably, wedding plans. I've seen normally totally reasonable friends become irate when another friend's pregnancy was revealed at a hen party, usually because she couldn't drink, so I don't think A's feelings are unusual.

I think you need to get some new friends. And maybe have a look at your own values.

tachycardigan · 09/12/2023 20:33

Friend A is a twat.

Diaria · 09/12/2023 20:33

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/12/2023 20:22

Yes, i’m also curious what the official It’s My Special Day exclusion zone is - more than the 24 hrs i would have originally assumed, apparently more than 72, does it extend to two weeks post-wedding? The first fiscal quarter? Is it 40 days and nights like lent?

😂😂😂

babbi · 09/12/2023 20:34

One of my friends announced her engagement at my wedding and I couldn’t have been more delighted for her .
I still think fondly of her wee face all lit up with genuine happiness, she was so excited.
Really don’t see what on earth A is making a fuss about 🤷‍♀️

TomatoSandwiches · 09/12/2023 20:36

I can't believe your friend A had the audacity to feel aggrieved that a friend close enough to fork out lots of money and take holiday leave for her wedding got engaged on the last part of the combined holiday.
She's an astonishingly self absorbed piece of work and doesn't deserve friends if she's this petty.

I hope your friend B has a wonderful wedding.

coffeetofunction · 09/12/2023 20:37

This happened to me (I'm friend b). Ex h asked me when we were in Santorini a few days following his cousin's wedding. I wore the ring and told mil and sis but didn't share our news until a week or so after we returned because we didn't want to over anyone else.

Pipsquiggle · 09/12/2023 20:41

I wish you had enabled voting OP.

Of course A is being unreasonable.

There were several days in-between the wedding and then the proposal which is fine

ScremeEggs · 09/12/2023 20:41

Friend A sounds hard work.

Itrymybestyesido · 09/12/2023 20:42

If anything 'friend' A has ruined friend B's big moment in life with her crazy behaviour.

Pinko1 · 09/12/2023 20:43

I think to announce it when at another wedding is poor form really

Pelham678 · 09/12/2023 20:43

How depressing.

What does A think would be a reasonable time to bask in the glory? They had presumably had the run up to the wedding plus the wedding day itself to have all the attention. They sound amazingly self obsessed.

Nanaof1 · 09/12/2023 20:45

Friend A needs to have her head examined. She is one of those people that, if scientists ever find the center of the universe, will be mightily disappointed that it isn't her.

Friend B has every right to get engaged and unless, as PP mentioned, it was during the ceremony, no spotlight was "stolen" or even borrowed.

Congrats to Friend B and Friend A--GTFU!

Itrymybestyesido · 09/12/2023 20:45

Pinko1 · 09/12/2023 20:43

I think to announce it when at another wedding is poor form really

Read the OP again. It was 3 days later after the wedding.

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