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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
1983Louise · 09/12/2023 19:31

Friend A or Drama Queen as I like to call her is definitely in the wrong. I would take it as a compliment that my wedding was so lovely a friend had a proposal at the end of it.

CroccyWoccy · 09/12/2023 19:31

If anything it is a compliment to Friend A that they found the destination and wedding romantic enough to spur a proposal - if I were friend A I think it would be heartwarming that my wedding had in some way been the catalyst for a friend’s engagement.

If it had been a miserable excuse for a wedding the boyfriend would probably have saved the proposal for another time!

Scottishskifun · 09/12/2023 19:31

Friend A is bizarre and ridiculous! It's like she wanted everyone to continue talking about her wedding for months to come!

She needs to accept her wedding is over people had fun but that's it no need to be lapping her with compliments etc.

I mean I can understand if he proposed in the middle of her wedding but few days after whilst they were on holiday too nah stupid!

CroccyWoccy · 09/12/2023 19:32

1983Louise · 09/12/2023 19:31

Friend A or Drama Queen as I like to call her is definitely in the wrong. I would take it as a compliment that my wedding was so lovely a friend had a proposal at the end of it.

Ha, jinx!

Pickingmyselfup · 09/12/2023 19:32

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:15

Jesus a wedding week! I would never go to a destination wedding if I thought I had to consider all behaviour and fawning over the couple for a fucking week!!

Weddings are becoming like stag and hen parties..... totally ott and ridiculous

Show quote history

My mum was in a bit of a mood because I got married in the same year she had a big birthday. Bizarre considering it was months later and I live nowhere near.

You have a wedding day, one single day, maybe the day before too for the bride for things like massages and nails. Otherwise, a day and any days afterwards or even before is fair game for people to live their lives. So I think Friend A was being way too OTT and even if she felt like that should have just kept it to herself because it's irrational.

Sorchamarie · 09/12/2023 19:33

"But you don't need to be in the middle, you need to tell A she's completely in the wrong!"

This. Or at least refuse to listen to A complaining about B. I would frankly lose a great deal of respect for A after this and really struggle to stay friends with someone so self absorbed and utterly ridiculous.

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 19:33

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 19:13

I must be the only one here who thinks A has a point.

Yes everyone spent a fortune on her destination wedding, but it was her wedding and if it lasted a week it was still her wedding week if they were all there for that reason.

I think I would have been hurt as well. I'm thinking there was probably a fair bit of competing for attention here on the part of B and I can bet the day B's partner proposed it was all about them in a big way.

Really surprised no one else has picked up on this.

If it was on the first day maybe, but it was on the last day. I agree with PP it's a compliment and a really nice way to end the week

Penguin34 · 09/12/2023 19:33

Are you A or B

If you're A, you're being a dick

If you're B, then A is being a dick to you and everyone else will think the same to don't worry

x2boys · 09/12/2023 19:33

If he had proposed during the ceremony or the reception friend A may have had a point but a few days after she needs to get over herself .

TrashedSofa · 09/12/2023 19:33

Friend A is batshit.

betterangels · 09/12/2023 19:34

Friend A needs to get a shitload of grips. Imagine thinking the world revolves around you like this. Good luck to her husband.

betterangels · 09/12/2023 19:35

Sorchamarie · 09/12/2023 19:33

"But you don't need to be in the middle, you need to tell A she's completely in the wrong!"

This. Or at least refuse to listen to A complaining about B. I would frankly lose a great deal of respect for A after this and really struggle to stay friends with someone so self absorbed and utterly ridiculous.

Also this. You're not in the middle unless you put yourself there.

LakeTiticaca · 09/12/2023 19:36

If he had proposed in the middle of the wedding speeches it would be unreasonable. He didn't.
He proposed on the LAST day of the holiday . Friend A is acting like a pathetic bridezilla

DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/12/2023 19:37

Wedding DAY.

Not week.

DAY.

(I think there was a Charlotte/Miranda scene in SATC about this too)

WowOK · 09/12/2023 19:37

Friend A had her DAY. She doesn't get to cliam the week, month or year. She gets 1 day.

Friend B deserves to be engaged and happy without Friend A causing drama and ruining it for her.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 19:40

A is wrong to make a fuss, since B presumably had no control over the timing of her partner's proposal.

However it is very bad form to announce your engagement at a friend's wedding party (albeit a ridiculously extended one). There are hundreds of other days in the year to do it, and I think many brides would think "WTAF?!" if the conversation on the last night of their wedding holiday centred on somebody else's engagement and, inevitably, wedding plans. I've seen normally totally reasonable friends become irate when another friend's pregnancy was revealed at a hen party, usually because she couldn't drink, so I don't think A's feelings are unusual.

alexisccd · 09/12/2023 19:41

Friend A is an asshole and totally lacking in generosity urgh

Original poster
toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:41

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:30

Which one are you, OP? A or B?

Neither! We're all in the same friendship group, but I am much closer to and have known B for years and years. I agree with B, but a couple of friends agree with A so I didn't know if I was being bias, hence why I was curious from an outside perspective Smile

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 09/12/2023 19:42

YANBU. Friend A is being ridiculous. A wedding is about getting married and celebrating it. It's not, or shouldn't be, about getting the 'spotlight'. OK, it would be rude to make a public proposal at someone else's wedding, but that's not what Friend B did.

Hayliebells · 09/12/2023 19:42

Friend A is a massive Bridezilla. Maybe Friend B doesn't need her as a friend if that's how she's going to treat her. Maybe you and B would be very happy together without A and the nutters who think A isn't being unreasonable.

TheGoogleMum · 09/12/2023 19:43

Friend A overreacting. One of my bridesmaids got engaged 3 days before my wedding which I thought was a bit close but I didn't complain about it, not worth getting upset over

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2023 19:43

Friend A is a total weirdo. I really hope you're not Friend A 😆

If I was the bride I'd find it really flattering tht they'd found the whole experience of my wedding so amazing and romantic that they'd been overcome by the romance of it all and got engaged. What's not to like? I don't get the jealousy of the imaginary "spotlight"! Highly narcissistic behaviour if you ask me.

PinkyFlamingo · 09/12/2023 19:43

Why are you in the middle? A is completely crazy!

Original poster
toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:45

Discospacecherry · 09/12/2023 19:07

Friend A sounds unhinged. Is she normally like this or has the wedding done it to her?

She's never shown any indication of being like this at all! It's quite baffling Confused

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 09/12/2023 19:45

Friend b spent loads on an amazing holiday they probably aren’t ham going to a similar destination any time soon, it was days later. A needs to get over herself.