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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 09/12/2023 19:05

LOL this exact thing just happened for DD’s wedding!

DD was thrilled for her friend and knew the engagement was coming. She had hoped for/expected another friend to get engaged too, but it didn’t materialize.

In your scenario A is BU.

NewShoes · 09/12/2023 19:05

It’s obvious Friend A is being completely unreasonable here - have others in your friendship group not pointed this out to her?

IglesiasPiggl · 09/12/2023 19:06

I had a couple of years where it was one wedding after another on summer weekends. Your friend A would have had a meltdown! 😁

Socialyawkward · 09/12/2023 19:06

Friend that got proposed to is fine bridewell needs to get a grip

Discospacecherry · 09/12/2023 19:07

Friend A sounds unhinged. Is she normally like this or has the wedding done it to her?

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:07

Ohtobetwentytwo · 09/12/2023 19:05

I actually think it's pretty piss poor to propose on someone else's wedding celebration.

It was three days later.....

Catunderling · 09/12/2023 19:07

Ohtobetwentytwo · 09/12/2023 19:05

I actually think it's pretty piss poor to propose on someone else's wedding celebration.

But it wasn't during the celebration
, it was during the holiday afterwards. OP says B and DP made it their main annual holiday so as to make the wedding.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2023 19:07

Omg I can't believe she didn't ask the bride when it was ok to get engaged after her wedding. What a bitch. She could have just waited a year or said no, this isn't appropriate. Ask me next month at home. I bet this woman is the sort to go and have sex on purpose just so she has a baby the same year as the bride.

I'd do NC over it. You all should.

YireosDodeAver · 09/12/2023 19:08

Friend A is being ridiculous bridezilla.

Her wedding is over. She has had her spotlight. Life doesn't revolve around her. Getting engaged, getting pregnant, other life milestones, they happen when they happen. No self-centered bride gets to veto all her friends from having such milestones for any period after her wedding in order to baggzie some theoretical "spotlight" because she is not the centre of attention except during her actual wedding day.

Blanca87 · 09/12/2023 19:08

I think we know who friend A is @Ohtobetwentytwo 😉

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2023 19:08

Ohtobetwentytwo · 09/12/2023 19:05

I actually think it's pretty piss poor to propose on someone else's wedding celebration.

He didn't hopdown to one knee during the i dog's. They got engaged three days later. If they got married in their home town, when exactly would be far enough away from the day for it to be permissable for other people to have a life?

niclw · 09/12/2023 19:09

Is anyone else imagining friend A returning the favour at friend Bs wedding? I'm assuming a pregnancy announcement if she can time it perfectly 😂

35965a · 09/12/2023 19:10

Friend A needs to get a grip

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/12/2023 19:10

Friend A is ridiculous and absurdly self centred.

Georgyporky · 09/12/2023 19:10

No voting option?

BoredofBlonde · 09/12/2023 19:11

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2023 19:07

Omg I can't believe she didn't ask the bride when it was ok to get engaged after her wedding. What a bitch. She could have just waited a year or said no, this isn't appropriate. Ask me next month at home. I bet this woman is the sort to go and have sex on purpose just so she has a baby the same year as the bride.

I'd do NC over it. You all should.

Exactly! And you can bet your bottom dollar than some selfish ass would die just to spoil the poor bride's life in the 10 years after the wedding! Some people have NO consideration for a bridezilla

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2023 19:11

One of my friends caught my bouquet, got engaged shortly after. Planned her wedding. Third friend announced her own engagement at shared accommodation the night before second friend's wedding. I love that, that chain. As does second friend o should add.

Less impressed was second friend when her sister, upon hearing of her engagement and date, basically made her bf propose and then intended to get married within a week of her sister. Friend pointed out she would still be on her honeymoon and thus miss the big day.

ChristmasPuddy · 09/12/2023 19:11

Friend A is so unreasonable. It was their holiday!!

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/12/2023 19:12

Friend A is being totally ridiculous. The normal reaction is to be happy for your friend.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/12/2023 19:12

Friend A is being totally ridiculous. The normal reaction is to be happy for your friend.

SallyWD · 09/12/2023 19:12

HermioneWeasley · 09/12/2023 18:50

Friend A is ridiculous and needs to get over herself

Yep

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 19:13

I must be the only one here who thinks A has a point.

Yes everyone spent a fortune on her destination wedding, but it was her wedding and if it lasted a week it was still her wedding week if they were all there for that reason.

I think I would have been hurt as well. I'm thinking there was probably a fair bit of competing for attention here on the part of B and I can bet the day B's partner proposed it was all about them in a big way.

Really surprised no one else has picked up on this.

MaidOfSteel · 09/12/2023 19:14

I'm with friend B. A is being ridiculous.

As a matter of interest,hiow long does friend A think her own personal spotlight should be switched on before any of her attendees are allowed to have anything good happen?? A month. Six months. A year?

fetchacloth · 09/12/2023 19:14

Friend A needs to grow up and accept that life isn't all about her.
Friend B did nothing wrong as the proposal was after the wedding was done. Clearly if Friend B had accepted the proposal during the wedding, that would be an entirely different matter.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 09/12/2023 19:15

Same as what everyone else is saying.