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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:15

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 19:13

I must be the only one here who thinks A has a point.

Yes everyone spent a fortune on her destination wedding, but it was her wedding and if it lasted a week it was still her wedding week if they were all there for that reason.

I think I would have been hurt as well. I'm thinking there was probably a fair bit of competing for attention here on the part of B and I can bet the day B's partner proposed it was all about them in a big way.

Really surprised no one else has picked up on this.

Jesus a wedding week! I would never go to a destination wedding if I thought I had to consider all behaviour and fawning over the couple for a fucking week!!

Weddings are becoming like stag and hen parties..... totally ott and ridiculous

TheWanderingWoman · 09/12/2023 19:16

Friend A is being unreasonable, it's not like he proposed at the wedding.

PossumintheHouse · 09/12/2023 19:17

Friend A is ridiculous. Oh well, at least she got the wedding before being an unhinged arsehole.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 09/12/2023 19:18

Friend B got engaged after the wedding, not during the ceremony or reception. She's just miffed that she's no longer the centre of attention and "insta special". Life moves on and friend A needs to grow up!

Ohnoooooooo · 09/12/2023 19:19

I think they waited until after the wedding - I would be happy for my friend and it would make my wedding even more special. Share the love people!
I think if he had of proposed before or during the wedding that would have been a disaster but after goodness no problem.

ilovesooty · 09/12/2023 19:19

niclw · 09/12/2023 19:09

Is anyone else imagining friend A returning the favour at friend Bs wedding? I'm assuming a pregnancy announcement if she can time it perfectly 😂

If I were friend B I'm not sure that I'd invite her after this carry on.

App13 · 09/12/2023 19:19

Friend A needs to get over herself

allmyliesaretrue · 09/12/2023 19:21

Friend A is an idiot. Her time in the spotlight (so pathetic anyway!) is over. She should be happy for B.

LaurieStrode · 09/12/2023 19:22

Friend A is a jackass.

A decent person would be delighted.

AngelontopoftheTree · 09/12/2023 19:23

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:00

I don't know why people are trying to insult me! I completely agree with friend B.

But since I'm in the middle of it all, being a part of the friendship group, I was curious to get an outsiders perspective.

But you don't need to be in the middle, you need to tell A she's completely in the wrong!

Amchoor · 09/12/2023 19:23

Friend A is being pathetic.

SuspiciousSue · 09/12/2023 19:24

Are you Friend A?
I’m with Friend B. She can get engaged wherever she likes.

Flubadubba · 09/12/2023 19:24

As someone who had a destination wedding, I would have been delighted for my friend!

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 09/12/2023 19:25

Friend A is a pathetic narcissist who thinks her wedding isn’t a day long event but something that everyone needs to RESPECT the magnitude of for days / weeks either side of it. What an absolute diva.

Thisreallyisntmyproblem · 09/12/2023 19:25

My sociopath BIL tried to announce his engagement at our wedding. He got ignored.
Three days later, friend A needs to have a word with herself!

AngelontopoftheTree · 09/12/2023 19:26

niclw · 09/12/2023 19:09

Is anyone else imagining friend A returning the favour at friend Bs wedding? I'm assuming a pregnancy announcement if she can time it perfectly 😂

episode 1 friends GIF

Everything about this screams Monica to me 🤣

mangochops · 09/12/2023 19:27

Friend A is batshit crazy and completely unreasonable. Good grief- bridezilla is very real isn't it? yikes.

UrsulaBelle · 09/12/2023 19:27

My BIL and exSIL split up just after my wedding. My exSIL was being kind to wait until afterward the wedding to leave, I think. Only issue was that she was in all the family photos! 🤷🏼‍♀️

katseyes7 · 09/12/2023 19:27

My cousin was my bridesmaid at my wedding. Her partner was our usher.
They told us before our wedding that they were going to get married a few months after us (they'd been together longer than we had) so we announced it (with their permission) at our evening do.
We were thrilled for them, we were good friends, and we thought it was the perfect time to share their good news with friends and family all together!
A is being more than a bit precious....

JANEY205 · 09/12/2023 19:28

Friend A is an ungrateful dickhead. You all spent so much money to go to her abroad wedding. What you do after is totally your business and lots of people get engaged on holiday! What an absolute moron friend A is. A very shit friend to poor friend B. I’d be giving friend A a very very wide berth!! What next? Nobody can get pregnant before her or announce around when she does? Nobody is allowed a wedding that outshines her. What a self obsessed idiot.

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:28

HermioneWeasley · 09/12/2023 18:50

Friend A is ridiculous and needs to get over herself

Friend A is UTTERLY ridiculous and URGENTLY needs to get over herself. Classic Bridezilla.

Element4056 · 09/12/2023 19:29

I was totally thinking you we're going to say the boyfriend proposed to friend B at friend A's reception!
Friend B is not being unreasonable.

HiCandles · 09/12/2023 19:29

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 19:13

I must be the only one here who thinks A has a point.

Yes everyone spent a fortune on her destination wedding, but it was her wedding and if it lasted a week it was still her wedding week if they were all there for that reason.

I think I would have been hurt as well. I'm thinking there was probably a fair bit of competing for attention here on the part of B and I can bet the day B's partner proposed it was all about them in a big way.

Really surprised no one else has picked up on this.

A wedding week?! Since when does another person get to dictate what an entire week of someone's life can be?
Have a destination wedding, fine, but you can't expect people's lives to be put on hold. B's boyfriend wanted to propose on holiday and like many, going to a destination wedding means that is the holiday that year. It's why I don't accept such invitations unless it's genuinely somewhere I want to go on holiday anyway. Surely A didn't expect B and fiance to wait a year before becoming engaged because she chose to get married abroad? Imagine the alternative scenario -- B and fiance hadn't attended the wedding but announced their engagement after their own holiday elsewhere. Would friend A really have been any more pleased if it coincided with her 'wedding week'?

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:30

Which one are you, OP? A or B?

SeparatedAndFree · 09/12/2023 19:30

Does friend A also celebrate her birthday month?!

Team friend B