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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
Just1MoreMinute · 09/12/2023 19:45

I’m very glad I’m not friends with A, she sounds like a nightmare.

FreebieWallopFridge · 09/12/2023 19:45

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 19:13

I must be the only one here who thinks A has a point.

Yes everyone spent a fortune on her destination wedding, but it was her wedding and if it lasted a week it was still her wedding week if they were all there for that reason.

I think I would have been hurt as well. I'm thinking there was probably a fair bit of competing for attention here on the part of B and I can bet the day B's partner proposed it was all about them in a big way.

Really surprised no one else has picked up on this.

Oh, what bollocks

x2boys · 09/12/2023 19:45

niclw · 09/12/2023 19:09

Is anyone else imagining friend A returning the favour at friend Bs wedding? I'm assuming a pregnancy announcement if she can time it perfectly 😂

My sister had the audacity to be in labour and give birth on one of our ,cousins , wedding days ( she wasnt at the actusl.wedding due to being in labour) all the family were talking about my sisters impending new arrival what a bitch eh?

Original poster
toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:46

PinkyFlamingo · 09/12/2023 19:43

Why are you in the middle? A is completely crazy!

I didn't mean it in the sense that I'm 50/50. I just meant I'm in the middle of all the drama as we're one big friendship group. Maybe I worded it wrong haha. But I agree!

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 09/12/2023 19:46

Ohtobetwentytwo · 09/12/2023 19:05

I actually think it's pretty piss poor to propose on someone else's wedding celebration.

Friend A has joined the thread.

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:47

TheGoogleMum · 09/12/2023 19:43

Friend A overreacting. One of my bridesmaids got engaged 3 days before my wedding which I thought was a bit close but I didn't complain about it, not worth getting upset over

It would be mad, narcissistic and ridiculous to get upset over.

Sodapop1 · 09/12/2023 19:47

If this is the whole story friend A is being unreasonable. HOWEVER a similar thing happened at my wedding, it wasn’t a destination wedding but a friend of DH’s came with a very new girlfriend and spent most of our wedding reception telling everyone loudly about how he planned to propose the next morning, etc. The girlfriend overheard and they had a blazing row about the ring, shouting to each other across the door as we walked in for our first dance 😮 at the time I didn’t have a clue what their problem was but said friend had pulled DH aside just after the ceremony to show him the ring and tell him his plans. We did think this was quite poor form!! Depending on how the proposal was delivered etc it’s potentially a little selfish.

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:47

I hope no one conceived that week! That'll be wrong?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2023 19:47

And anyway.......no-one else actually cares so the bride is kidding themselves if she thinks anyone gives a shit beyond being happy for their announcement and excitement at the prospectd of another wedding. Then it's back to the dancefloor or the buffet and that's the end of it. So cringe that they're imagining that the focus of everyone's conversation was on their own wedding or anyone else's. People turn up at a wedding, ooh and aah at the ceremony, then it's literally just a party, innit?! People don't sit round discussing the bride all night. Just so weird that people get upset about this sort of trivia.

RudsyFarmer · 09/12/2023 19:48

It would make me consider my friendship with friend A. I’d assume she needs to be in the spotlight constantly and that’s a pretty wearing personality trait.

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 09/12/2023 19:48

Friend A is spiteful and bratty. Honestly, if a friend of mine behaved like this, I’d be seriously considering our friendship going forward, and slightly worried about my own judgement for getting somebody so wrong.

TheKnittedCharacter · 09/12/2023 19:48

Friend A is a twat.

x2boys · 09/12/2023 19:48

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 19:40

A is wrong to make a fuss, since B presumably had no control over the timing of her partner's proposal.

However it is very bad form to announce your engagement at a friend's wedding party (albeit a ridiculously extended one). There are hundreds of other days in the year to do it, and I think many brides would think "WTAF?!" if the conversation on the last night of their wedding holiday centred on somebody else's engagement and, inevitably, wedding plans. I've seen normally totally reasonable friends become irate when another friend's pregnancy was revealed at a hen party, usually because she couldn't drink, so I don't think A's feelings are unusual.

It wasn't the wedding party though ,it was also their holiday if it had been during the reception you would have a point it wasn't .

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 09/12/2023 19:49

FreebieWallopFridge · 09/12/2023 19:45

Oh, what bollocks

Show quote history

Indeed. Can't believe there are as many as two people on this thread who don't think Friend A behaved like a ridiculous Bridezilla.

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 19:50

Sodapop1 · 09/12/2023 19:47

If this is the whole story friend A is being unreasonable. HOWEVER a similar thing happened at my wedding, it wasn’t a destination wedding but a friend of DH’s came with a very new girlfriend and spent most of our wedding reception telling everyone loudly about how he planned to propose the next morning, etc. The girlfriend overheard and they had a blazing row about the ring, shouting to each other across the door as we walked in for our first dance 😮 at the time I didn’t have a clue what their problem was but said friend had pulled DH aside just after the ceremony to show him the ring and tell him his plans. We did think this was quite poor form!! Depending on how the proposal was delivered etc it’s potentially a little selfish.

Nothing like the situation here!

TheBeef · 09/12/2023 19:53

Fine to get engaged, as you say friend B had little control.

Crass to announce it during the vacation. I would wait until I got home and would have celebrated on my own dine and time of that is what I wanted to do.

I can see Friend B might have wanted to celebrate with the friendship group on the last night I would not have done this personally.

How was it announced or celebrated?

XmasCrumble · 09/12/2023 19:54

Friend A is a knob. You get one day for your wedding! What her guests do on their remaining holiday days has nothing to do with her and she needs to get over herself

QueSyrahSyrah · 09/12/2023 19:56

Friend A is a nutcase, with a severe case of main character syndrome.

This exact scenario happened with some friends of mine (in fact IIRC there were TWO proposals among the guests in their famously romantic wedding destination).

Nobody was anything but delighted for the couples, in fact the Bride and Groom loved that their wedding had been the catalyst for more love and more weddings.

Tinkerbyebye · 09/12/2023 19:57

A needs to grow up.

TommyNever · 09/12/2023 19:57

Sure, Friend B could at least have waited until Friend A and her husband had finished their honeymoon, returned home, had three kids, separated and divorced before hogging the limelight by announcing her engagement.🙄

MargotBamborough · 09/12/2023 19:58

Friend A is batshit.

DinaofCloud9 · 09/12/2023 19:59

Friend A sounds a right self centred tit.

If the proposal was in the middle of the wedding ceremony then fair enough but not 3 days later.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/12/2023 20:01

Friend A needs to get a grip.

Coconutter24 · 09/12/2023 20:02

Friend A needs to understand that people will of spent a lot of money to attend her wedding and some like friend B will be making this their annual holiday instead of going to a location they chose because they can’t afford both. Friend A doesn’t get to dictate what anyone does with the rest of the week on their own holiday.

viques · 09/12/2023 20:03

It is not as though B stood up in the middle of the wedding or the reception, let off fireworks and announced an engagement. I think if she had then A would have grounds to be miffed. but they were on holiday, love and romance was in the sir and Bs chap seized the moment.

A needs to be told her bridezilla subscription has lapsed. she needs to settle down and write her Thankyou letters.