Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stepson behaviour

409 replies

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 18:22

I think I just need an outside view of my situation…

Lived with DP for 4.5yrs. He is not the dad to my children (DD10 and DS11). DP DS (16) lives with us full time. We all live in the house I bought before we were together.

DP DS behaves horrendously at school and at home. If me or DP pull him up on his behaviour we are shouted at and called names; his behaviour has escalated twice in the last two months whereby he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

I now avoid challenging any of DP DS behaviour because if I am honest.. I am scared of him.

he has punched holes in the walls. Smashed his built in wardrobes up; kicked the baby gate of the wall.

Last week I went into his room while he was at school to put his clean washing on his bed. His bedroom shocked me. It was so dirty and untidy. Filthy.
Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner; food all over the floor; dirty washing; stains of goodness knows what (I think I know ✊🏼💦) on his bedding and bed frame. It was horrible.
I cried. I have worked so hard for this house. And I feel like he has vandalised it. the wardrobes are all still broken. holes still in the walls.

I darent ask DP DS to tidy his room because he will kick off. So I asked DP to have a word. DP then got angry with me saying I tidy my DD and DS room when they get messy. And that I don’t have a word with them about the mess. This is completely untrue. I make them do their rooms and I make them help me. But sometimes it gets to a point where it just needs a grown up to intervene. And as DP DSs parent - DP should help him or do it for him.
this argument turned into a huge fight and I was left sobbing.
I was told I don’t treat everyone the same.. this isn’t true I buy them all things.. if I buy a bag of sweets for one everyone gets one.
the only thing that I don’t buy is birthday and Christmas. He doesn’t buy for my DD and DS and I don’t buy for his.
He told me it was typical teenager behaviour and his favourite line in these situations is “you have all this to come). But I don’t think it is. It isn’t normal to punch your parents. Or leave your bodily fluids on your bed frame. Or refuse to bring underpants down to wash and so he has been rewearing them…

Am I wrong to feel I am being blamed for asking him to tidy his room when I think it is a basic respect thing? Am I wrong to be so hurt by his behaviour toward me and my house?

sorry for the essay… once I started I couldn’t stop 🤣🤣

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 09/12/2023 19:42

@Mum2bambinos OK. you are an adult. if you want to stay in a horrible situation where you are getting physically assaulted and mentally abused, that's your call. but you could lose your kids. if the school or anyone else finds out what is happening at home, they will report your situation to social services. to be frank, if I knew you in person - I would report your situation. social service will probably assess that the home is not safe for your kids and take them away. I am not trying to be horrible, but you need to wake up. your kids are at risk. what is to stop this unstable teenager beating up your kids? or your partner harming them? do you not see the news articles about all the kids killed by their own families? your so called partner clearly has no care for you or your kids. you need to call the police and kick him out straight away. don't tell him you called the police, because he will hurt you/your kids. and then, change the locks. he must never ever come back.

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 19:42

@Mum2bambinos

In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.

Then nothing will change, except to get worse. Nobody will able to rescue you from this awful situation unless you ask for help and give your full cooperation to the police. Your "partner" has shown his true colours and his son follows his example.

Take a deep breath, call the police and get them out. What are you waiting for? For one of them to put you in hospital? Be brave OP and do what you know needs to be done. 🌹

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:43

Get them out. Police. Maybe the boy needs sectioning? What can your children be making of all this? They'll be next. ACT. ACT. ACT.

MeridianB · 09/12/2023 19:43

REP22 · 09/12/2023 18:37

I'm so sorry. You have to get them out. There are no consequences for this boy's behaviour. You are living in fear in your own home. And there is a very real possibility that he will kill you.

Your 10 and 11 year olds should not have to live with this. Please end it as soon as possible.

Best wishes to you. Stay safe.

This!

he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

And your partner thinks this is all normal? They both need to go now. I’m stunned you didn’t go to the police when he first hurt you.

Bobsyouraunty · 09/12/2023 19:43

If not for your sake please for the sake of your children get these people out of your house ASAP!

Mrgrinch · 09/12/2023 19:43

Call the police FFS.

Or are you going to wait until DP hits you too? DSS only broke your fingers, I'm sure his big strong dad could easily manage some bigger bones.

How do you think your children feel if you are scared and you're a grown woman?

AllEars112232 · 09/12/2023 19:44

You’ve had clear and absolutely spot on advice from everyone, I’m just adding to the call for you to put your own children as your top priority and ring the police NOW!
If he has done those things to you I can pretty much guarantee he has already been terrrorising you children, and making them keep quiet!
step up and be their protector!!

lattemerde · 09/12/2023 19:45

Chickychoccyegg · 09/12/2023 19:26

You need to get the police to escort your (ex) dp and his ds out of your house , also press charges , they both sound horrific, I wish you well x

^ this. with bells on. for the sake of your own children if you're not willing to do it for yourself.

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 19:45

@therealcookiemonster

if you want to stay in a horrible situation where you are getting physically assaulted and mentally abused, that's your call. but you could lose your kids. if the school or anyone else finds out what is happening at home, they will report your situation to social services. to be frank, if I knew you in person - I would report your situation. social service will probably assess that the home is not safe for your kids and take them away. I am not trying to be horrible, but you need to wake up.

Perfectly put.

MeridianB · 09/12/2023 19:45

They are cuckoos - they’ve invaded your children’s home and taken it over, one violent and one enabler, daring you to call the police. Please call the police.

Junemoon222 · 09/12/2023 19:48

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

oakleaffy · 09/12/2023 19:48

No way should that violent loutish behaviour be around your children.
Get shot of them both . Father and son are absolutely riding roughshod over you and your children.

Lifesd · 09/12/2023 19:48

My god! Change the bloody locks while they are both out!! Protect yourself and your children.

SemperIdem · 09/12/2023 19:49

Just to echo everyone else - they need to go, immediately. Contact the police and report the assault as well.

Notlikelysaidthedragontothefly · 09/12/2023 19:49

Mum2bambinos · 09/12/2023 19:18

I probably should have said - and I didn’t want to add too much because it was so long to start with - I have asked them to leave. Which doesn’t go down well. In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.
when DO DS hit me I was told by DP that “he wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t gone in his room”
I was angry and shouted that it was my house and I would go where I wanted. He’s now asked me not to call it my house because that makes him feel like a lodger. But to me it is a fact.

im just a bit bewildered by it all. I am trying my best.

Why would you not ring the police? ‘…probably wouldn’t do’. Why on earth not?!

Strictlymad · 09/12/2023 19:49

This is completely unacceptable- yes teenage boys aren’t know for being the tidiest beings but the vandalism of possessions and violence is absolutely not normal or acceptable on any level. And the fact that ‘D’ P took his side about going in the room says it all.

HollowEgg · 09/12/2023 19:50

Bless you, this is awful, but for the sake of your children they need to go. I would speak to the police and ask them for help.

But also, why is the poor boy like this?

Benicebenicebenice · 09/12/2023 19:50

Call the police and get them both out. Shocking situation!

RudsyFarmer · 09/12/2023 19:51

Why in gods name are you letting a teenager beat you up in your own home and doing nothing about it?!!!! Tell them to get the FUCK out of your house.

Keeva2017 · 09/12/2023 19:52

All it would take is for one of the children to get caught in the cross fire or he hits them over the head with something in anger and it could be life altering if not life ending.

Op for gods sake look after your children and dial 999. I don’t want to victim blame but how how can you not see this for what it is? Protect your children!

Beaverbridge · 09/12/2023 19:54

Yes as everyone has said, get shot of them. Violence will escalate. What if he lifts a knife??. Seriously phone police have them removed.

greencheetah · 09/12/2023 19:54

Call the police!

Or are you just going to wait until one of your DC is seriously injured?

Those poor kids. You invited these bastards into your home and you have to get them out.

Silvers11 · 09/12/2023 19:54

Which doesn’t go down well. In the argument he said if you want me to leave you’ll have to ring the police. Which he knows I probably wouldn’t do.
@Mum2bambinos You absolutely DO need to call the police. The son assaulted you and he is being supported by his Dad. Please don't think you can't. You absolutely can and you must - for your own children, if you won't do it for yourself. This is truly awful behaviour from both your partner and his son

Mangotango39 · 09/12/2023 19:55

Omg I thought the son sounded horrid then kept reading about your 'd'p.

you and your children are in serious danger here!!!

please call the police and get them out ASAP!!!! This has already gone way too far!

GoodnightJude1 · 09/12/2023 19:55

You need to tell them to leave.
I can’t believe he’s allowed this to happen. All hell would break loose in this house if my DSS laid a finger on me.

They need to leave. He may hurt your children next time.