Stepson behaviour

[Mum2bambinos]

I think I just need an outside view of my situation…

Lived with DP for 4.5yrs. He is not the dad to my children (DD10 and DS11). DP DS (16) lives with us full time. We all live in the house I bought before we were together.

DP DS behaves horrendously at school and at home. If me or DP pull him up on his behaviour we are shouted at and called names; his behaviour has escalated twice in the last two months whereby he has broken my fingers; punched me and left bruises on my hands and face. He trapped me in his bedroom and attempted to smash me over the head with TV remote whilst blocking my exit.

I now avoid challenging any of DP DS behaviour because if I am honest.. I am scared of him.

he has punched holes in the walls. Smashed his built in wardrobes up; kicked the baby gate of the wall.

Last week I went into his room while he was at school to put his clean washing on his bed. His bedroom shocked me. It was so dirty and untidy. Filthy.
Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner; food all over the floor; dirty washing; stains of goodness knows what (I think I know ✊🏼💦) on his bedding and bed frame. It was horrible.
I cried. I have worked so hard for this house. And I feel like he has vandalised it. the wardrobes are all still broken. holes still in the walls.

I darent ask DP DS to tidy his room because he will kick off. So I asked DP to have a word. DP then got angry with me saying I tidy my DD and DS room when they get messy. And that I don’t have a word with them about the mess. This is completely untrue. I make them do their rooms and I make them help me. But sometimes it gets to a point where it just needs a grown up to intervene. And as DP DSs parent - DP should help him or do it for him.
this argument turned into a huge fight and I was left sobbing.
I was told I don’t treat everyone the same.. this isn’t true I buy them all things.. if I buy a bag of sweets for one everyone gets one.
the only thing that I don’t buy is birthday and Christmas. He doesn’t buy for my DD and DS and I don’t buy for his.
He told me it was typical teenager behaviour and his favourite line in these situations is “you have all this to come). But I don’t think it is. It isn’t normal to punch your parents. Or leave your bodily fluids on your bed frame. Or refuse to bring underpants down to wash and so he has been rewearing them…

Am I wrong to feel I am being blamed for asking him to tidy his room when I think it is a basic respect thing? Am I wrong to be so hurt by his behaviour toward me and my house?

sorry for the essay… once I started I couldn’t stop 🤣🤣

It doesn’t have to be at her children’s school. The stepson’s school has safeguarding obligations to the OP’s children too. If they know the children exist, they should have reported the risk.

This. I do have a huge amount of empathy for your situation and having your confidence chipped away at. But... Time to be blunt. This is not just you affected, it is also your children. Obviously I can only base my response from what you've written in your posts.

Despite all of these messages warning you about how dangerous this situation is ESPECIALLY for your kids, from your last post it comes across as something you will do when you feel ready, after you've gathered your thoughts.

Your home is meant to be their safe space and it clearly is not. Whether or not you think nothing has happened or they don't know- I can guarantee they do know that their stepdad & stepbrother are terrifying and not good people.

You need to act fast FOR THEM. They don't get to 'gather their thoughts then make phone calls'. Whatever your doubts are or thoughts of how you might cope- they must take priority. Even if they seem OK now, this will have an impact on them and this may not manifest for a few years.

If the school has done their job properly they should have notified social services of your SS attack on you. Social services put so much help and support onto families and understand the insidiousness mind ganes of domestic violence/abuse.

However, if you keep stalling to 'gather your thoughts' they will rightfully question why you haven't taken any action to keep them safe, and whether you're able to make competent decisions regarding their safety.

Please please get this man and his son out of your house and lives.

OP, is there somewhere safer for your children to stay whilst you 'gather your thoughts'?
If so, please remove them from this damaging situation until such time as you remove these toxic losers from their home

He will be terrorising your children too probably.
Please get the two of them out and do call the police.
This is no way for you and your children to live.

It's been 4 days since the OP last updated, I hope all are safe.

Your DP IS disgusting for allowing him to do this to you and to your house.

I am also very concerned that your own children will think this is acceptable.

Teach your daughter that it is not acceptable to be treated like this ... kick your DP and DSS out immediately!

So do I.

It's 2 weeks now since the OP last posted...

@Mum2bambinos

You are stronger than you think you are