Friend annoyed I have no childcare?

[Bormalife]

Booked a Christmas style lunch at informal venue. No deposits. Friend is a currently braking a year off sabbatical which started in July. Anyway, two weeks before the day I realise I am under huge pressure with a work project. I have had to work extra days for this and it’s meant my one child free day was now a work day for the next few weeks, leaving me with one day off with dc. I can’t book an extra day in nursery as they don’t have space and I have no partner and don’t feel comfortable leaving dc with parents for a full day, she’s 11 months. Friend is now very annoyed, lots of passive aggressive comments that she wanted to meet without dc… ive explained the situation and offered to re arrange to jan. AIBU to think this is uncalled for? I’m really questioning the friendship.

This

You are both being a bit inflexible

Allfur · Today 22:16

You are both being a bit inflexible.

mist people with kids are. If you can’t cope with that, do t have friends with kids.

@Bormalife but the title of your thread isn't true - you do have childcare i.e. your parents but you just don't want to use it.

If your parents are willing to look after her , I completely see your friend's point of view. The issue is that it looks like you're trying to get out of going for the lunch by being dishonest about your reasons. It's not nice at all because presumably the lunch is just the two of you so she'll have to cancel it. I'm sure if your childcare genuinely fell through, your friend would understand, especially because everyone knows have children means a parent is very busy.

Your actions you don't really value the friendship, which is fair enough if that's how you feel but don't be surprised if your friend reciprocates. There are always some parents who happily prioritise their work, family, friends with kids etc over everything all the time then act surprised when down the line, they don't have a proper friend support network! You can't have your cake and eat it unfortunately

Husbands aren't dependent like babies are, though. It's very easy to go out without your DH, not so easy to go out without a baby.

Well precisely @margotrose

My comment was made as a mother that has had.to bring my child to places at the last minute. But on MN “if you don’t like children or your friends children makes you feel bad because you don’t have any” it seems to be a right to call of a friendship.

I could equally feel “jealous” about other circumstances my friends are in (e.g. being in a relationship when I’m single; moving into a nicer neighbourhood etc) but I do not because I’m happy for them and we all have ups and downs.