The existence of Father Christmas is a lie that children shouldn’t be told

[maybein2022]

I’ve noticed on social media recently that a LOT of people are posting about not allowing their children to believe in Father Christmas. The rationale being they don’t lie to their children about other things, and it doesn’t sit comfortably with them to create this big ‘lie’. Some talk about how St Nicholas was a real person, some talk about how other children believe in the magic so they shouldn’t spoil it for them etc.

My eldest two are way past believing but it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a harmless story/magic that they would grow out of believing. But I now have a baby/toddler too (too young to understand this year) and wondering if we do the whole thing again.

We’ve always done stockings from FC as small, inexpensive gifts, and always done bigger under the tree gifts from us. A lot of the issue comes with of course not all children will get any gifts at all, and therefore it’s awful if they believe in FC and are disappointed or think they’ve been ‘bad’ (kids living in poverty with no parental money to buy anything, kids living with domestic violence etc). Also the idea that FC brings some kids big gifts and some just small.

So: (I am still on the fence anyway about it all)

YANBU: It’s fine, FC is a magical thing that it’s fine for kids to believe in.
YABU: A lie is a lie, kids shouldn’t believe in FC.

Yep. If all adults were traumatised by their experiences with Santa it’s not something they’d choose to replicate with their own children is it…!

I'm not sure. There are lots of parents (as demonstrated by this thread) that don't carry it on with their own children.

I'd say people might feel compelled to do the Santa thing due to peer pressure/not want their own child to be different, if anything.

Santa is about the magic of Christmas. The magic of Christmas is what you make it. I can't think of anything more sour faced than always being 'correct'.

YANBU.

I'd imagine they would have no issue if they didn't have a good experience with Santa growing up such as pp who I'm assuming doesn't do it with her own children.

Most people who do it have fond memories of believing in Santa as children and it is a reason why they do it with their own children.

I am happy to lie about this (& the tooth fairy, wishing well, elf, all sorts of things) to give my DD a magical childhood that she can share with her friends. Who wants their child to be the only one in school saying ‘it’s not real’.

Plus, I’ve lied to her since she was a toddler about various things - time, something broken, something closed, lots of things.

When she’s older, I will explain it all.

Santa seems to have evolved over time to what is imagined now.

Santa Claus - Wikipedia

Who knows what the future will bring?

There's also alot of people on the internet who say the world is flat, or aren't vaccinating their kids. There's all manor of views - ppl who are against schools and thinls all kids should be home-schooled. Mother's who think women that work are neglecting their children - blah blah blah blah.

There's every type of opinion from every type of person all across social media.

When we were kids - we just didn't hear all this background noise. We knew the people we listened to (with the exception of the 4 or 5 channels on TV and radio).

You more likely have a social media problem, than a Santa problem - I'm not saying you use it too much (perhaps you do, I don't know) but what I mean is - when you start taking Sharon from Dallas - opinion on Santa to heart over your own social circle and family - you gotta ask the question - do I really agree with this, or has the tik tok algorithm just got me here?

Oh for goodness sake ................

I did father Christmas with my older child but the same as fairies and elves and dragons. More as a story, no elaborate lies to explain absolutely everything. He did believe but figured it out at 6. My four year old doesn't believe, says it's just a story and adults are being silly. Different child. He knows that other children believe but I've taught him it's okay to believe different things, just don't make fun of what other people believe.

I agree. There certainly seem to be a lot of joyless people in the world - or is it just on MN?

This is a very good point. Thank you. I think you’re right, the impact of 24/7 access to news, SM etc can really play into how we feel and impact/cloud our judgement sometimes. In the same way that SM can portray a very, very filtered view of someone’s life. Food for thought for sure.

Oh FFS I thank GOD that I grew up in a world where Santa/Father Christmas was fun and magical and wonderful. (And I passed this onto my DC. They also had a wonderful time at Christmas, and believed in Santa til about 10 y.o.)

Who ARE these people who are telling their children 'Santa is a lie!' when they're like, 4 or 5?! Coz I know NO-ONE in real life who behaves in this bizarre, and frankly cruel fashion.

Funny enough I looked this up last year due to a similar thread and dived deep into the actual child development side of things.

I found largely Santa helps children harness and develop their imagination, engage with oral tradition and cultural myth and, believe it or not, develop their critical thinking skills. Mostly the child development conclusion was that Santa/Fairy/Magic belief is inline with children's natural cognitive development and beautifully complements each stage of imagination, critical thinking, community, social skills etc. You can see living evidence of this on the thread. The majority of people puzzled it out for themselves, felt the share belief brought their communities together etc.

As for the whole 'getting in trouble for questioning the existence of God'. Surely that's the aim of Santa. Jehovah Witnesses don't allow Santa and I imagine it's partly for this reason. Santa is excellent training for doing your own research and coming to your own conclusions. Many of the Christians I know encourage exploration of their faith and doubt too (the rigid ones don't and they are, imo, much more hard work and sanctimonious with it).

If this current generation being taught the sky is pink and you can identify as a cat need anything, it's critical thinking skills.
So I say gooo Santa.

Why are you honestly wasting time considering this? If you want to be a miserable sod and scar your little one for life and cause them to miss out on all the fun and magic then go ahead.

If the 'magic' of Christmas hinges on whether or not your kids believe in Santa then you are doing Christmas wrong.

I'm pretty sure that Marioparty and Nintendo played a much bigger part of making my kids Christmases magic than whether or not Santa is real or pretend.

My kids are in their late 20s and early 30s and we will all be playing MarioParty this year. The true magic of Christmas 🎄🤶🏻

I'm betting a fair percentage are the 'pull the ladder up after ourselves ' types with puritan views.

It's no different to religious puritan beliefs. Just modernised for a new era.

The fascinating thing is just how the puritan movement wasn't long lived.

Why is it not joyful if a child asks if Santa is real and you say "No he isn't", but here's some nice presents, we'll have a nice time at Christmas, sing songs, see family, give gifts.

I think you can be a joyful person, have a wonderful Christmas, share gifts at Christmas and also not have the need to have the idea of Father Christmas.

People used to do that in the past.

So that's not what you made it then?

Ok....

(You completely missed the point)

I loved the magic of FC as a child AND I loved making the magic for my older kids

I think you'll regret taking a different approach now then. It will be a sad and lonely hill for your child, and I'm fairly sure the sanctimommies of social media are saying one thing whilst doing something else anyway. Put an extra couple of toys in a christmas appeal, but don't actively choose for your child to miss out.

It's only a problem once you start trying to extend it past its natural lifespan; getting angry because other kids at school say it's not real, telling children they won't get gifts if they don't believe and so on. When you're forcing it for your own benefit.

Let them grow out of it and they'll be fine.

Oh give up. I’m 57 and my parents still swear upside down that Santa brings my stocking. It’s called fun, you should try it.

I can see why people are reluctant to tell their children FC is real. I think it's ok for little children but unwise to promote the myth to older children.. And I think elf on the shelf is creepy and a bad idea. I thoroughly disapprove.

I know Im the social outcast on this topic but......... whatever. YABU.
I always told my kids that the big guy with the reindeer was a fun story. Never ever told them it was true.

And yet...... my 19yo dd has this evening skipped around the house gleefully decorating with as much joy as any 5yo who "believes in the magic".

Its completely hypocritical to me to tell lies to kids but also tell them not to lie. And to build up this huge annual lie and then when they are older fret over how to undo the lie they created.
I never did and yet...... my kids enjoy Christmas just as much as any of the kids who've been lied to. My dd still looks up in the sky for santas sleigh and reindeer.
If the joy in your house about Christmas is based on lies I find it pretty sad tbh.

Interesting - if children find out parents are lying about the existence of Father Christmas, then what other things will they think their parents are lying to them about?

The Tooth Fairy?
Easter Bunny?
God?