The existence of Father Christmas is a lie that children shouldn’t be told

[maybein2022]

I’ve noticed on social media recently that a LOT of people are posting about not allowing their children to believe in Father Christmas. The rationale being they don’t lie to their children about other things, and it doesn’t sit comfortably with them to create this big ‘lie’. Some talk about how St Nicholas was a real person, some talk about how other children believe in the magic so they shouldn’t spoil it for them etc.

My eldest two are way past believing but it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a harmless story/magic that they would grow out of believing. But I now have a baby/toddler too (too young to understand this year) and wondering if we do the whole thing again.

We’ve always done stockings from FC as small, inexpensive gifts, and always done bigger under the tree gifts from us. A lot of the issue comes with of course not all children will get any gifts at all, and therefore it’s awful if they believe in FC and are disappointed or think they’ve been ‘bad’ (kids living in poverty with no parental money to buy anything, kids living with domestic violence etc). Also the idea that FC brings some kids big gifts and some just small.

So: (I am still on the fence anyway about it all)

YANBU: It’s fine, FC is a magical thing that it’s fine for kids to believe in.
YABU: A lie is a lie, kids shouldn’t believe in FC.

The only thing I don’t like is the whole ‘naughty/ nice ‘ list. There are children who will not get anything (or very little) at Christmas, whether through financial hardship, ill health, neglect or deliberate abuse.

They then believe it was because they are naughty! Somehow not deserving of Father Christmas’s magic.

It always leaves me feeling very sad.

What I find more strange is that a lot of people now say that Santa only brings one present and the rest is from parents. The people that I know that do this have explicitly said "we don't want a make believe man getting the credit". Surely the magic of it all is what it is about, and seeing your children's faces, not them giving you credit?

I can understand doing this because one child might get less from Santa than others, but it doesn't work that way if the one present Santa brings one child is a PS5 and the other gets socks.

Ffs, if it's not offending everybody it's now that we're traumatising our children with a small white lie about a magical man who brings them presents !! Let kids be kids and enjoy the moment. I wasn't traumatised, nor was my autistic con when he figured it out, most kids are just happy they're getting presents, j don't think they really care who from !!

Yes this is another thing that’s tricky. We have always done FC fills your stocking with small things. (Eg when they were little, bubbles, crayons chocolates etc) and all wrapped gifts under the tree were from us/family.

I’m reasonably sure that Christmas can be just as wonderful without the emotionally manipulative bullshit about Santa’s list of naughty children.

When I was a child I was devastated to find out that my parenrs had been lying to me for years, despite me asking so many times is this really true.

I think lying to your children for so long about something so big destroys their trust in theirnparents in a very fundamental way.

Also it’s shit safeguarding to pretend that an adult man sneaking into children’s bedrooms is a good thing.

It’s a funs tory thst was never meant to be taken as seriously as some parents now do. They’re basically raising their kids to have a religious style faith in Santa the all-seeing all-wise rewarder of good deeds 🤮

Well I would never do the whole ‘have you been good - or you might not get presents thing.’ That’s just horrible.

I just think there's mo need to be so obsessive about it. That's what makes adults get all upset about losing "the magic" and devastated when their children find out.

It was never a huge deal for me and it isn't for my children. We do the leaving a carrot and a glass of whiskey stockings that are filled overnight. But Father Christmas doesn't bring anything else.

DS asked if he was real at age 6 so I answered honestly. He still likes playing along with it two Christmases later. It's no big deal.

That’s pretty much what happened to me @DappledThings and it was fine, but when children are still believing at eight, nine, ten, that’s trickier.

If you watch the Shelter ad it really brings some of this disparity about what kids get home. I guess the COL crisis and how more and more kids are living in poverty has really made me question it all a bit more than I did when my older children were small. (Obviously there were still children living in poverty then too, but it didn’t seem as bad maybe). We do do nice things like a big food donation with Christmas treats in for the food banks etc but it doesn’t feel like enough. Slightly going off topic but I guess it’s what made me a bit more conscious of it.

Very true

This. Please a meteor just strike us now

Jesus wept can't little kiddies enjoy a bit of magic ?
They have enough to deal with in this day and age without a bunch of miserable grinches trying to spoil it for them

Oh and the awful apps you can get with the ‘naughty or nice’ lists and even messages to your kids saying they’ve been naughty and need to behave better to get on the nice list… it’s just gone a bit far I think.

This

They so little and believe for such a short time, I want my children to have that magic. It's not a lie for me, as I am Father Christmas... and they will one day be Father Christmas...

What I find more strange is that a lot of people now say that Santa only brings one present and the rest is from parents. The people that I know that do this have explicitly said "we don't want a make believe man getting the credit".
We do it that way because my parents and PIL did. Because for all of us FC filled stockings and only small things fit in stockings. We used to use my dad's hockey socks. The idea of FC bringing everything and bringing anything big was something I only ever saw in American films. It just wasn't on our radar as a thing.

How utterly fucking depressing. It's Father Christmas! It's just a happy joyful thing

"Oh no! Silly Father Christmas, he must have missed their house, he's getting forgetful, shall we get/give NAME something to help Santa out?"

Not sure how this would go down with the recipient though but I don't think I could do nothing.

In this house there's no naughty or nice list, Santa comes no matter what!! However the magic of Santa is real in this house, I loved it as a child and I can't imagine not doing it.

Don’t agree. I wasn’t brought up believing in Santa. Scientist father, lazy & fun-free mother, plus much older siblings. When I was little, I was quite pleased to be “in” on adult intel, thinking my contemporaries in nursery/infants/junior school were a bit silly to believe, having been told by my mum that I mustn’t tell.

So I’d never broken free from anything, I simply didn’t experience what most other kids in the uk did. There were other exciting things about Xmas, but not Father Christmas, or any of that magic. (Ditto the tooth fairy)

I often wondered what it must have been like to really believe in Santa.

(Much like I also don’t know what it’s like to believe in god, the comfort that a faith can bring SOME people, while acknowledging that there can be a whole heap of crap with religion; but still, I never had that notion of a god that some find comforting)

Anyhow, I digress. as a parent, I absolutely gave my kids what I didn’t have: the huge delight of a stocking (silly presents only). They’d always get up super early to find this amazing stocking that seemed to have been left for them, and a whole heap of magical make-believe (lying in my mums vocab). Tbh my kids are very sciency so I’m sure they worked out early on that it was impossible but they played along for the fun of it.

My DC are all older teens and never believed in Santa. I don’t care what other people do but I didn’t want to lie to them.
there are so many other ways to make Xmas magical and they have always still
lived Xmas even though all
the presents were always from me or other family members.

not sure how this would go down with the recipient

Badly, I expect.

My twins are knocking on 6 and asked me a couple of moths ago whether Father Christmas existed.

I said that it is me who buys presents at Christmas, but if they want to believe the magic of the story, then to do so.

Same with the Tooth Fairy etc.

I didn't think about this issue when I had children, but felt vaguely uneasy when people would say to dd1 things like 'what's santa bringing you?' and just generally try to hype the whole thing up. In retrospect, if I had my time again, I would make it clear that it is a fairy story that some people believe, like religion, that should be respected.
I have known children genuinely reach the age of about 13, still believing and then really upset when they found out the truth. Generally, they were fairly intelligent children, but the parents had taken the whole thing far too far.

Exactly the same here. I do find some gentle parenting techniques bizarre. This is one of them.

Someone posted recently on the gp Facebook group that her child was upset that her parents never allowed her to believe in Santa.

I loved the Christmas magic as a kid and am passing it onto my children

Why?

The idea of a man who lives somewhere in Lapland and is able to fly around the world and give presents to (some children) depending on if they've been good or not and the presents they give might be different in quality.