The existence of Father Christmas is a lie that children shouldn’t be told

[maybein2022]

I’ve noticed on social media recently that a LOT of people are posting about not allowing their children to believe in Father Christmas. The rationale being they don’t lie to their children about other things, and it doesn’t sit comfortably with them to create this big ‘lie’. Some talk about how St Nicholas was a real person, some talk about how other children believe in the magic so they shouldn’t spoil it for them etc.

My eldest two are way past believing but it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a harmless story/magic that they would grow out of believing. But I now have a baby/toddler too (too young to understand this year) and wondering if we do the whole thing again.

We’ve always done stockings from FC as small, inexpensive gifts, and always done bigger under the tree gifts from us. A lot of the issue comes with of course not all children will get any gifts at all, and therefore it’s awful if they believe in FC and are disappointed or think they’ve been ‘bad’ (kids living in poverty with no parental money to buy anything, kids living with domestic violence etc). Also the idea that FC brings some kids big gifts and some just small.

So: (I am still on the fence anyway about it all)

YANBU: It’s fine, FC is a magical thing that it’s fine for kids to believe in.
YABU: A lie is a lie, kids shouldn’t believe in FC.

Because adults don’t actually believe in Father Christmas

Any other suggestions welcome

For everyone saying how depressing it is, and how there are so many miserable people in the world etc, I do get it, I loved the magic of FC as a child AND I loved making the magic for my older kids.

But I just think more and more it’s this idea that so many children will wake up with nothing on Christmas Day. (Obviously not just in the UK). In the UK those children will be been inundated with FC stuff around, in shopping centres, in stories, even in schools. Many, many years ago in teaching one of our lessons was to get the kids to write to FC with their list. Luckily I think that’s been stopped now. (If you watch the ‘alternative’ John Lewis advert called ‘The GoKart’ from last year you’ll see how it could be awful for some kids.)

Well yes, like everything in life there should be limits.

People who say you shouldn’t ‘lie’ to kids about Father C are forgetting what it is like to be a small child. Little kids do not make a clear distinction between true and not true. Their imaginations are so rich that made up things are real for them. So you present santa so he exists in the category of imagination/magic/story. No need to insist on it being literally true or to confess that it’s a lie. TBH I think things like Santa cams etc have made people forget that you’re not meant to pretend it’s 100% literally true and now even the adults are confused.

My problem comes with asking other parents and other families to keep the lies going on for children that are not theirs.

I cannot and I'm not willing to do that.

Is this finally a thing? Phew!

I'm a big believer in not lying to my children. So 20 years ago I went against the grain and took this stance. My friends ribbed me for it as I was "denying the children the magic"

I didn't tell DC directly FC wasn't real, but I never fed them the story. If they spoke about FC, I would deflect.

As a teacher, my biggest issue are the parents who tell their children from September onwards they need to be good, because FC is watching. Awful attempt at parental behaviour management.

I'm 37 and believe in Santa. Not a man in a red suit with flying reindeer. But as a concept.

Its the one time of the year that millions of people come together to do nice things for each other. Men volunteering to ay Santa at Christmas fares etc. People buying toys for charity collections. Decorations. Thinking what others like. Family get togethers.

Santa is just a personification of general human kindness.

My kids no longer believe in the Man in a Red Suit. But they do believe in kindness and thoughtfulness. I call that a win.

We decided that we weren't going to tie ourselves in knots trying to explain why some of DC's peers had huge expensive presents from Santa but others didn't, how Santa got into everyone's houses, why some families didn't celebrate Christmas, why some people insist on asking them all month if they've been good for Santa, why some families have Santa bring everything but Santa only brings stockings for others, why someone else said Santa only brings presents if you're good etc.

Our DC still love Christmas as we can enjoy the story of Santa without us pushing it in their face.

I find a lot of the hysteria about families celebrating Christmas differently comes from adults who have their own obsession with creating "magic". If the threads about devastated parents because their 9 year old has realised the truth and the threads where people obsess about how to shut down reasonable childhood curiosity are anything to go by, some adults seem use their children as tools to deal with their own festive baggage.

I loved Father Christmas as a child & I love him as an adult. He brings the little, cheap but magical things like lights, sparkles, giant tubes of sweets.

It's changed a bit over the years. My children are teens/young adults now and long past believing. But they still don't like it if I hint that I do the stockings!

My DS is 2 so I’ve been considering this as well.

We’ve been reading Christmas books so Santa seems to be a character to him, along the lines of the Gruffalo. If we were walking through the woods we might say is this where the gruffalo lives. I think he knows it’s not real, but we just have fun pretending… so talking about Santa seems similar.

I’m happy to exist in half way house of mythical creature, like the tooth fairy, you never see her.

However it does make me uncomfortable when people go to extreme lengths to convince their children and give them “proof”. Like letters from Santa, his footprints etc. I read a thread on here a few years ago about someone who’s brother dressed up as Santa and walked across the garden on Xmas eve every year so the children saw him. That seems more manipulative.

When my kids were of prime FC age he just brought small things anyway: socks, chocolate etc. It doesn’t have to be a major extravagance.

Not compelled to. Wanted to. Couldn't wait to.

I must have been a very gullible child because I was 10, going on 11, before I found out and my mum told me in the end because she thought I must know and was just pretending! In my defence, I was very much the youngest in the family and my older sisters wanted to keep the pretence going as long as possible. I guess having a little sister who still believed it kept the magic going for them a bit. They kept concocting ever more elaborate explanations as to how it all worked so that I kept on believing.

I wasn't any the worse for it. I loved, and still love, Christmas. Hence I was very keen to repeat all that for my DD.

Alas, she had it all worked out at about 6. When she asked me straight out I didn't lie, I could see the game was up. However, she was then happy to keep up a joky pretence and put out a santa sack, a mince pie and so on for several more years.

I think it is a lovely harmless bit of fun that it would be a shame to lose.

The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy is a load of codswallop obviously...

I don't remember anything as a child being more exciting than Christmas eve and Christmas morning

Obviously up to parents what they do with their own kids but I want my children to experience that excitement.

You're only a child for a very short amount of time, make it as magical for them as possible

DS believed for many years that Santa is a Super Hero! Because he was kind and brought presents...

I think let them be children and believe in magic- they will grow up soon enough and get to deal with the crapy bits!

Santa is real because he is everywhere. Anyone who has ever given a Christmas present is Santa. We carry his love in our hearts and pass it on from generation to generation.

My word. It’s harmless. The only thing it encourages is good behaviour. No adult is emotionally scarred from believing in Santa as a child. More woke bs.

I lie to my children at least 10 times a day. Santa is the least of their worries!

(I also use Santa as a threat/bribe for December to get the little overhyped darlings to calm.the.fuck.down)

My children believe in Santa and I continue the belief, but the questions are awkward - as are differences in how many gifts he gives etc. When mine ask if he is real, I say the magic is real. I have no idea of what’s best really. We don’t use him as a threat and I slightly minimise him so it’s not all about santa.

This is how I take it. Once my eldest cottons on I will tell her it's now her time to don the mantle and become Santa for other people to bring joy.

If I wanted my children to believe in the magic of Christmas I would sit them down and deliver a 20-minute sermon on the theology of the incarnation. 😉

My parents told me Santa was merely the delivery guy back in the 80’s, so I did the same. Makes life easier as parents pay for the gifts Santa brings. For my kids they are all grown up now, I don’t regret Santa. It brought a lot of excitement - but then would they be as excited if it was a big pile of gifts and Santa didn’t bring them? Maybe.

I was not a happy child when I discovered Santa was a lie. It hurt, as did the pretending with a ho ho ho ho that it was such a good joke to have been played for a fool by my parents, grandparents, so many grown ups. Pretending I wasn’t hurt or feeling betrayed because well that’s ungrateful isn’t it? To be angry at your parents for all the lovely presents they gave you only because they unselfishly faked where and who gifted them to you. They were being humble, and sacrificing and it was all about giving me magic and excitement. So disrespecting to say a bad word about their decision because they know best.

I naturally asked, so is God real? What about baby Jesus? Because that is part of Christmas too isn’t it? And I was in big big trouble for even questioning these magical, unseen entities, like I had the devil in me they said.

Not playing the Santa joke on my children. The joy and fun is all from laughing at your children while you exploit their trust in you. The joke is on them. It’s all good fun until the light bulb goes off and they think, as I did, if I can’t trust you, then there is no one I can ever trust no matter how much they say they love me or I love them.

OK, well now you have made an actual valid point. But are you really saying that we should deny children the magic of Christmas because some shitty people make poor choices to have children that they can't afford? And btw you don't have to be rich to still get your child a small gift from Santa, we didn't have much money growing up and we always loved Santa and Christmas. I don't even think I ever got what I asked for (actually I remember never getting a cabbage patch doll), but Santa did get us something, maybe just sweets and we loved it. I think your heart is in the right place but you're being completely unreasonable.

When my DC started asking if Santa is real, I just asked back what do you think?

Up until about 6/7 it was I think he's real , after that we had discussions about magic, elfs and logistics! It's lovely to get their little brains going and looking at pro/ con before coming to a conclusion! 🎅