Everyone up and arms about my work trip - can a woman categorically not leave her family for a few days ???

[flowerbedd]

Yes I have posted about this before.

But I'm feeling differently compared to when I posted last time.

The sheer disapprovals I'm getting from my family for going on work trips is really winding me up. If a man were to go on work trips, it just wouldn't be the same.

Just saw mother in law who said that ' you can't just leave your kids for almost a week ' ' it's too long '..

Initially I was feeling upset I had to go on my work trip. But I'm kind of feeling a bit pissed off about just how much shit I'm getting for it at this point.

It's like me not being here is causing a massive, massive disruption and my H actually has to look after the kids. MIL has also agreed to help out a bit, but rather than saying ' don't worry we've got this ', she's also adding to the fact that ' as a mum, you can't just leave your kids '.

I'm the complete default parent and I do everything by myself. Household, children's drop off and pick up- mental load- all of it. My H has a very involved job and doesn't come home until 8:30 - and leaves before the kids are up. I also do all night wakings.

Now everyone is making me feel bad that I need to go on a work trip and that H needs to help out and god forbid, mother in law might also help a bit to fill some gaps.

Every other time I've gone away, I've paid for help. This time it's trickier to get a nanny / babysitter and H needs to actually do something.

I just don't think it's fair to be this annoyed about my work trip- I haven't had a work trip since early October and then it was only 1 night away. It's not like im constantly leaving my kids. Like I said, I am the one responsible for them 99 percent of the time.

Really pissed off with this now.

so her son rarely sees his children because of his VIP job and she's giving you grief? bugger that ignore her/them your job is as Important is his. no child withered because their parent worked away for a few days.

My motto when someone says something stupid like this is "would you say the same if I was a bloke......" they either get embarrassed or say that's different and I ask how??!! Which then usually shows their entrenched sexism/preconceptions that women should be the main care givers!

Do not feel guilty for a work trip, enjoy the restful sleep, having a nice meal and evenings to yourself! You bloody deserve it!!!

Your MIL and DH are both unreasonable her for her attitude your DH for clearly thinking everything child related should be your responsibility!!!! Use this as a wake up call and opportunity for change with your DH attitude!

I laughed at Baffled blank stare 😄 just do this op.!

I’m not sure the problem is about the trip per se. It’s about the fact that you don’t have an equal parenting relationship. Of course parenting shouldn’t be solely your responsibility- but that seems to be the status quo in your house. What led to that situation?

No advice, but solidarity: this KILLS me. I have lots of help at home so nobody is doing the lion’s share, but the judgment I get for being away, you’d think my hobby was killing kittens.

Also, there’s no bloody baths, reading for pleasure or sightseeing when I’m away with work. It’s clients, work, client entertaining, rinse and repeat. I love the work but there’s no leisure. I sleep less when away than at any other time.

H spoiled my work Christmas party yesterday by texting me the following: ‘I assume you’re too busy to talk to your children at bedtime.’ This from a fucker who has lived at work when the kids were small. I was away for 2 nights.

@Thepeopleversuswork quite how we’re not walking around fucking screaming our heads off at the unfairness of it all I don’t know.

As a military spouse let me tell you they can all PISS OFF. Everyone acts like DH is hero of the week for goin work trips and want to hear all about them. Not once am I asked how I’m managing and I don’t have my bloody mother helping me as we have no social support! It’s pathetic your husband can’t cope without Mummy and she needs to shut up.

You can’t do it if your husband’s useless, no.

this makes me furious for you OP.
Enjoy your trip and make sure you get a spa hotel

and god forbid, mother in law might also help a bit to fill some gaps

You sound a bit entitled here and rude about your mil.. .she doesn't owe you anything.

I agree about your dh though

My first work trip was to Dubai, 27 years ago and my daughter was 6 months, she survived my husband survived we had no parental help as they lived in a different country.
all these years later both our kids are great husband and I had to balance lots of work trips, ignore anyone giving you a hard time, stay strong together.

Tbh I would be fuming if I was your db too. You accepted his invite, and the aunt and uncle should have been told that you had existing plans. You were quite rude.

My husband works abroad for long stints (months and months) regularly. One was over six months. Not a single person has ever said anything like this to him. They say things like ‘How hard it is for him to be away from you all’ to ne instead. I’ve never had a single night away. Yet.

Ignore ignore ignore. Honestly sick to death of how mothers are treated still. Your DH needs to tell his mum to butt out. When she says anything, just respond by saying that it’s work and if she wants you to quit your job to stay at home with the kids would she be interested in paying you an equivalent wage?

Think you got the wrong thread, lovely!

Yes she can. And she bloody well should. Maybe then these useless DH’s will understand what their partners actually fucking do.

I would be pointedly asking everyone who criticized your working travel plans if they would say the same to your husband. And make them answer you. And explain if they wouldn't.

SAME!!! My husband isn’t military but is away more than at home and honestly, so tired of the ‘what an amazing husband’ spiel whilst I’m at home carrying it all. I have never felt more sexism in my life since becoming a mother. It’s off the fucking scale.

Im so wound up for you OP.

Ignore my post. Wrong one ☺️

I'd be making it a priority that you aren't doing absolutely everything. He obviously can't when he's at work but he can do his fair share of night wakings and there's nothing stopping him doing 50/50 at weekends.

The sexism is unacceptable. Of course it is.

WTAF? A week? What's the problem? I was awarded a two-month study grant to Japan. Fab opportunity. Husband at the time was refusing to work, so I left him to look after the 3 DC. Cried for a full week, mind you, missing them terribly, but never looked back.

Dh and I have an arrangement where I wfh and do about 80% of weekday parenting. BUT I go away for work for 3-4 days every couple of months and he fills in, taking leave if he can’t flex his hours or wfh. He knows he’s got it good and wouldn’t dream of complaining about my trips.
your dh needs to realise how lucky he is on the childcare front. Your mil owes you nothing but I assume she’s filling in the cracks for him. You’ve got a dh problem I’m afraid.

I went away for 2 months....

I'm with FuckHonestlyKnows on this one 👌

I went for a 16 day holiday when I had 2 under 2s.

MIL "well, it's a big ask for my son to look after both by himself for that long"

Me "are you telling me that you raised him so badly that he's incompetent of doing the simple task of looking after his own children?"

She never commented on any of my holidays again.

(I don't travel any more) When anyone tried the "how is DH going to cope with the kids on his own" on me, my standard answer was "same way I do when he is away with work". Soon shut them up. Noone ever asked me how I coped when he was traveling.....

Did you mean 'up in arms'?