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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so offended :(

341 replies

toospenny · 08/12/2023 02:49

It was my work Christmas do today.

I am fairly new and was on my best behaviour as I imagine most people would be. I was friendly and made conversations but didn't go wild. I'm generally a very outgoing person but have a history of getting too drunk so reined myself in.

I went to the organised activity and out for the meal afterwards. At the meal there was a lot of pressure to go on to the drinks that had been organised for afterwards.

Half the team went home and half carries on.

I went on to the bar be had a lovely time dancing and chatting. Until one of my male colleagues came over and said to me "I've been discussing this out X and we think you're nice bit very boring".

I was so upset and offended and told him to naff off basically. I then went and sat down to gather my things to leave at which point he came over and tries to engage in conversation.

I told him I was hurt and offended by his comment and he claimed he'd said nothing of the sort and I'd "imagined" it. But other people heard him say it?!

He then said I'd made a mistake. No apology. Full blown gaslighting Bohr was obviously annoyed I'd pulled him up on his rudeness and when I was leaving he hit my "accidentally" twice on the head with his coat.

I am so hurt. I feel like resigning

OP posts:
Friendfoe1 · 08/12/2023 03:11

Honestly this bloke sounds like an idiot, was he drunk? Either way there’s no excuse for his behaviour but I think resigning is a bit drastic. He will probably feel like a right fool in the morning.

lemmein · 08/12/2023 03:20

Isn't everyone 'nice but a bit boring' in a new job? or, just in general at work? You aren't there to entertain him Hmm

MargotBlobby · 08/12/2023 03:21

He’s a dick. You handled it well. You have every right to be offended. Don’t be gaslit into hiding your feelings. He better turn up with a sincere apology Monday…

I can absolutely picture a drunk idiot who actually thinks you’re just a bit quiet trying to use that line as some “clever” opener to see if it sparked you to down 6 tequilas and start dancing on tables or something. What an absolute muppet.

Don’t let it ruin the weekend OP.

Rougedkneesandrolledstockings · 08/12/2023 03:31

Arse holes will be arse holes... smile and nod and walk away. He probably won't even remember what he's said. The best form of revenge is success. Definitely not worth resigning over.

Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 08/12/2023 03:36

I think he was negging. Making you feel bad about your self so you feel insecure and when he make an advance on you your more likely to say yes to prove your nor boring.

well done for calling him out.

electriclight · 08/12/2023 03:47

Not that it's an excuse or makes it better, but I hope he'd had a drink and is embarrassed when we wakes up the next morning. What a horrible thing to say. What an idiot. That said, it wouldn't have made me leave and I certainly wouldn't be resigning. You'll meet idiots everywhere. At least you e got the measure of him early.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2023 04:06

Work "do's" are extensions of the workplace.
It's no longer acceptable to write behaviour off as awkward or alcohol talking, etc.
How are you now expected to feel at the office?
For me, I can't put up with this shit from colleagues anymore. I'd write it up and submit to my manager or HR asking if this is acceptable behaviour in the company as you feel very uncomfortable.
To do nothing is tacit consent, really, to be treated like crap, protects the bully and allows mistreatment of women in the workplace.
Why (we) women are continuing to let this type of behaviour go is beyond my understanding. It's 2023, not 1963.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 08/12/2023 04:14

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2023 04:06

Work "do's" are extensions of the workplace.
It's no longer acceptable to write behaviour off as awkward or alcohol talking, etc.
How are you now expected to feel at the office?
For me, I can't put up with this shit from colleagues anymore. I'd write it up and submit to my manager or HR asking if this is acceptable behaviour in the company as you feel very uncomfortable.
To do nothing is tacit consent, really, to be treated like crap, protects the bully and allows mistreatment of women in the workplace.
Why (we) women are continuing to let this type of behaviour go is beyond my understanding. It's 2023, not 1963.

And some of us really don't care enough about a petty remark such as this to complain.

If I were a manager, or in HR, a complaint about something so trivial would have me rolling my eyes and despairing about the resilience of people today.

Honestly, after spending some time on MN over the past few days I'm beginning to think I am so laid back in comparison to many of you as to be practically horizontal!

Holly60 · 08/12/2023 05:02

He wanted you to say 'I'm not boring!'

Then he'd say 'prove it'

Yada yada yada.

It was a line.

Ohnoooooooo · 08/12/2023 05:19

It was clearly a chat up line. He likes you. Or did. He sounds very immature.

Sugargliderwombat · 08/12/2023 05:23

Sounds like he was drunk and trying to be funny, hopefully he's embarrassed in the morning !

Tonight1 · 08/12/2023 05:26

He sounds like a prat

TrailingFig · 08/12/2023 05:27

This is about him not you.

EarringsandLipstick · 08/12/2023 05:57

Holly60 · 08/12/2023 05:02

He wanted you to say 'I'm not boring!'

Then he'd say 'prove it'

Yada yada yada.

It was a line.

Exactly!

EarringsandLipstick · 08/12/2023 05:58

Wanting to resign is a massive over-reaction though.

DianaTiana · 08/12/2023 05:59

Holly60 · 08/12/2023 05:02

He wanted you to say 'I'm not boring!'

Then he'd say 'prove it'

Yada yada yada.

It was a line.

Yep! Nothing to get offended about. He just needs to work on his chat up lines.

greencheetah · 08/12/2023 06:01

Agree with PP, resigning would be insane.

He’s a loser. Sadly this is true of many people. Just avoid him.

lollo8 · 08/12/2023 06:03

Yeah, he was hoping you'd do shots or start dancing on the table. Should have replied 'Are you very exciting then, Bob? Go on, show me your twerking'

cuckyplunt · 08/12/2023 06:06

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salamirose · 08/12/2023 06:07

Don't resign just act civil with him at work. Don't let a tosser like that push you out a a job. If you don't like the job then fine.

salamirose · 08/12/2023 06:08

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Harsh! She has to work with him!

ChaToilLeam · 08/12/2023 06:10

Guy is a dickhead. He was negging you as a prelude to making some kind of move on you.

Not worth resigning over. Head high, ignore him, carry on. You’re always going to encounter a few idiots.

sorrynotathome · 08/12/2023 06:12

Yep classic negging. He totally fancies you and wanted to make a move. So turn it round - be chuffed that you didn’t fall for his crap and now you have one over on him! What a dick.

Elleviss · 08/12/2023 06:15

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 08/12/2023 04:14

And some of us really don't care enough about a petty remark such as this to complain.

If I were a manager, or in HR, a complaint about something so trivial would have me rolling my eyes and despairing about the resilience of people today.

Honestly, after spending some time on MN over the past few days I'm beginning to think I am so laid back in comparison to many of you as to be practically horizontal!

Show quote history

Absolutely this!

He probably just said it as you weren't drinking.
I certainly wouldn't complain or resign!🙄

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 08/12/2023 06:15

Some very cool women on the thread this morning. OP, I'm sorry you were made to feel so awkward in a workplace event. It clearly made you feel bad. I'd spend a bit of time thinking about why this makes you feel like resigning, rather than thinking of this one guy as a monumental arsehole? If you feel you'd like to take it further, have an informal chat with your manager for support, but an isolated random arsehole is likely to be in many workplace settings so don't resign. Hope you feel better about it this morning.