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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids and Covid test

253 replies

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 02:38

I'm just wanting to gauge other people's opinions.

I'm unvaccinated on GP advice. I have a few underlying health issues, don't go out socially often, and multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

My husband is fully vaccinated. He also has multiple health conditions.

Ever since Covid tests have been a thing, we've had a rule that anyone visiting, or anyone else we visit, must take a Covid test beforehand. If they don't agree, it's simple: the visit is cancelled.

The ONLY exception to this is my sister's toddler twins who are too young to understand. If they can't test, we accept it. If their dad is at home before a visit, he is usually able to test them. We aren't strict with them because we don't want to traumatise them, plus they don't like cuddles.

We also, if required, happily pay for and supply all tests.

The issue:

My sister and her five children will be at my mum's on Sunday for twins birthday party. Husband and I are going.

Sister tonight said that she will not be able to make DS2 and DS3 test because they don't want to. They are 6 and 9. They have always tested before and I know of no issues. They have clearly been told why they must test.

My mum is begging us to reconsider. I said the boys are old enough to be told to test, and for their mum to simply insist. But DSis thinks it's their right to refuse.

Am I being unreasonable in my unwavering stance that, if they don't test, our visit is off?

DH is adamant he won't go unless all 3 boys are tested.

How about Christmas?

OP posts:
Waynettaaa · 07/12/2023 02:42

YABVU

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 02:44

Waynettaaa · 07/12/2023 02:42

YABVU

How so?

I'm not stopping the party. Neither of us will attend. It can go ahead without us.

OP posts:
NamelessNinja · 07/12/2023 02:45

I agree YABU, do you expect them to test indefinitely forever?
I sympathise somewhat to your concerns re catching COVID but I don't know how you are still continuing to live your life like this and very unreasonable to force others to test.
My 6 year old is genuinely traumatised by being tested as a toddler and recounts the 'tests' with horror now.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 02:47

I don't know what we expect.

But I do know Covid is rife in winter.

I'm happy for the kids not to test, but this means I'm not going to attend. I'm not literally forcing a test on them

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 03:01

What year is it?!!
Seriously YABVVVVVVV (Infinity)U
Are you at least paying for this demand test?
Does no-one in your immediate family leave the house or go to work/school and come into contact with other people?
His/your demand is ridiculous.

Growlybear83 · 07/12/2023 03:01

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you and your husband have health issues and need to reduce the risk of catching Covid as much as possible, and you accept that there will be situations where you will miss out on visiting people or having visitors because they aren't prepared to test, then I think it's entirely your choice and I respect your standpoint.

I don't understand why some people are so reluctant to test now, when tests are so cheap and readily available, and when the number of Covid cases is so high again. I have a friend who is extremely vulnerable and who asks people to test before she sees them, which I'm happy to do for the sake of a couple of minutes of my time. My mother in law is in her mid 90s, also very vulnerable, and has been in hospital for several weeks now, and I wouldn't dream of visiting her without testing first.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 03:07

NamelessNinja · 07/12/2023 02:45

I agree YABU, do you expect them to test indefinitely forever?
I sympathise somewhat to your concerns re catching COVID but I don't know how you are still continuing to live your life like this and very unreasonable to force others to test.
My 6 year old is genuinely traumatised by being tested as a toddler and recounts the 'tests' with horror now.

Same re mine, having to contort myself from front seat to his rear facing at the time car seat, forcibly hold his head to do nose and throat swab while he hysterically screamed was horrendous and he also remembers.

OzziePopPop · 07/12/2023 03:07

I don’t think you’re unreasonable either - I’m CEV to covid and can’t get it basically.. if I did it’d be bad. Like you, I stay at home a lot!

yanbu because you’re not asking them to change their plans. They don’t want to test and they don’t have to. You however, need to be careful and therefore cannot attend. Sadly.

Ownedbyabeagle · 07/12/2023 03:07

How long are you going to expect everyone to do this for?
If you won't go because they won't test then that's your choice but you are very unreasonable to say your sister should "simply insist" they test.

AntiHop · 07/12/2023 03:14

It's nor 2020.

Are you expecting them to test for flu too?

curaçao · 07/12/2023 03:26

You say the reason your gp sai you should be unvaxed is due to the low risk of you catching it? I do t undersrand that! I mean you might catch it at the gp surgery for a start!

Overthebow · 07/12/2023 03:31

Yabu to expect people to test. YANBU to say you won’t visit if you don’t want to. Stop expecting the tests to be done and just don’t visit anymore if that’s your stance.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:38

Growlybear83 · 07/12/2023 03:01

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you and your husband have health issues and need to reduce the risk of catching Covid as much as possible, and you accept that there will be situations where you will miss out on visiting people or having visitors because they aren't prepared to test, then I think it's entirely your choice and I respect your standpoint.

I don't understand why some people are so reluctant to test now, when tests are so cheap and readily available, and when the number of Covid cases is so high again. I have a friend who is extremely vulnerable and who asks people to test before she sees them, which I'm happy to do for the sake of a couple of minutes of my time. My mother in law is in her mid 90s, also very vulnerable, and has been in hospital for several weeks now, and I wouldn't dream of visiting her without testing first.

Thank you. From the other responses on this thread, I was starting to think I might be mad

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:41

OzziePopPop · 07/12/2023 03:07

I don’t think you’re unreasonable either - I’m CEV to covid and can’t get it basically.. if I did it’d be bad. Like you, I stay at home a lot!

yanbu because you’re not asking them to change their plans. They don’t want to test and they don’t have to. You however, need to be careful and therefore cannot attend. Sadly.

Thank you.

My sister's family go out and about with no restrictions from us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:43

Ownedbyabeagle · 07/12/2023 03:07

How long are you going to expect everyone to do this for?
If you won't go because they won't test then that's your choice but you are very unreasonable to say your sister should "simply insist" they test.

I don't know how long. I just know, right now, that the prevalence of it is too high

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:46

curaçao · 07/12/2023 03:26

You say the reason your gp sai you should be unvaxed is due to the low risk of you catching it? I do t undersrand that! I mean you might catch it at the gp surgery for a start!

No, sorry.

The risk of complications arising from the vaccine is why I shouldn't have them.

And, because I don't put myself in social situations often, I can afford the low risk this then presents. Make more sense?

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 07/12/2023 03:47

@Spencer0220 do you and Dh not leave home then at the moment?

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:49

@WhereIsBebèsChambre not much. DH goes for a walk most days. But he works from home, so we go out maybe once a week? Once every two weeks for something other than a shopping trip.

I'm mostly housebound due to disability.

OP posts:
MintTrackies · 07/12/2023 04:25

I can’t believe I’m still reading this madness.

no one should be testing for covid now. I think you should stop trying to force your relatives to this, and possibly seek help for the anxiety surrounding this.

For context, my DP works frontline NHS and there is no testing there. Because it’s not necessary

Mojodojocasahaus · 07/12/2023 04:32

Do toddler twins that you don’t ask to test attend nursery? If so you are far more likely to pick up covid from them.

YABVU to ask people to test constantly I’m not surprised SILs kids have finally said no.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 04:35

No, the twins do not attend nursery.

Also, I'm not local and only see them every 6+ weeks.

OP posts:
Oohmontydon · 07/12/2023 04:42

Can you attend and wear a mask if you really do want your go?

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 04:47

Except for the meal, yes we could.

OP posts:
ALightOverThere · 07/12/2023 04:48

Well it’s obviously your choice whether you go but limiting your life in this way sounds crackers to me. You can’t insist everyone else keeps living like it’s 2020 and your choice not to have the vaccine seems based on your low risk because you’re putting the onus on everyone else by insisting they test.

Not unreasonable in that you can obviously do what you want but extremely unreasonable to think you can dictate what other people do.

BCBird · 07/12/2023 05:25

I don't think u are being unreasonable. Why are the children being given a choice

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