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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids and Covid test

253 replies

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 02:38

I'm just wanting to gauge other people's opinions.

I'm unvaccinated on GP advice. I have a few underlying health issues, don't go out socially often, and multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

My husband is fully vaccinated. He also has multiple health conditions.

Ever since Covid tests have been a thing, we've had a rule that anyone visiting, or anyone else we visit, must take a Covid test beforehand. If they don't agree, it's simple: the visit is cancelled.

The ONLY exception to this is my sister's toddler twins who are too young to understand. If they can't test, we accept it. If their dad is at home before a visit, he is usually able to test them. We aren't strict with them because we don't want to traumatise them, plus they don't like cuddles.

We also, if required, happily pay for and supply all tests.

The issue:

My sister and her five children will be at my mum's on Sunday for twins birthday party. Husband and I are going.

Sister tonight said that she will not be able to make DS2 and DS3 test because they don't want to. They are 6 and 9. They have always tested before and I know of no issues. They have clearly been told why they must test.

My mum is begging us to reconsider. I said the boys are old enough to be told to test, and for their mum to simply insist. But DSis thinks it's their right to refuse.

Am I being unreasonable in my unwavering stance that, if they don't test, our visit is off?

DH is adamant he won't go unless all 3 boys are tested.

How about Christmas?

OP posts:
Yesmate · 07/12/2023 06:31

It is not a parents job to make children do what they don’t want to do! Yes there are times (teeth brushing in our house) where no is not an option. To expect tests to be forced so you can go somewhere is unreasonable. Your house, your rules but everywhere else I’m afraid you have no say.

SeanMean · 07/12/2023 06:32

YABVVVU and ridiculous!

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 07/12/2023 06:35

YANBU to not go if you don't want to.

I think YABU to be annoyed. Your mum is hosting, she's happy to have them there untested. That's the party that's been arranged and you aren't comfortable with it, so don't go. Your mother is unreasonable to be asking you to change your mind when she knows your rules on this.

webuiltthiscityonrockandwheat · 07/12/2023 06:38

I also have two autoimmune conditions and a very compromised immune system. I was pregnant when the first vaccine was available and my GP and consultant said even when pregnant it was less risky for me to get the vaccine than Covid with my health issues. So yes I think YABU. My DS is traumatised from testing so I absolutely would not subject to him unless completely medically necessary (he's also very immunocompromised) we need to live life.

KeyWorker · 07/12/2023 06:38

What’s your plan for all other winter viruses? Do you insist they test for influenza, adenovirus, RSV, para influenza? Any of the hundreds of other viruses?

grapesandplums · 07/12/2023 06:41

OP I think we have learned that the vaccine doesn't stop the spread. You said further up that covid always is still too prevalent. But it always will be. From what I understand, it is now part of every day life like the common cold and unlikely to ever be out of circulation. Do you want to alienate yourselves from family, friends and the outside world indefinitely? If your friends or families children had symptoms, that's a different kettle of fish, and yes I totally get making them test if snotty or coughing. But you can't expect people with no symptoms to test. I wouldn't force tests on my children now unless I felt their symptoms were more than a common cold. But saying that, I would just avoid vulnerable completely if that was the case. We all had colds recently, no high temps, no bad coughs - and I was shocked to learn it was covid. Mildest virus I've had ironically

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 06:42

YANBU to not attend, your DM should not push you.

YABU with the other demands, like the children testing and you deciding who can and can't test based on your thoughts on the matter.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 07/12/2023 06:42

I don't understand why it's so hard for them to test their children. It's not invasive.

Really? It is hard to test a child who really doesn't want to be tested. You'd basically have to sit on a 9 year old to pin their arms down and then have someone else really firmly hold their head so it can't move side to side or up and down so you can get the swab up their nose.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 07/12/2023 06:44

The large number of false negatives on covid tests makes your policy slightly redundant anyway. There are multiple posts and threads on here from people ill for days with negative tests before getting one positive.

MilkChocolateCookie · 07/12/2023 06:52

YANBU not to visit - that's your choice.

YABVU with the comment (in your OP and a later post) that your sister should insist on making her kids test. It is absolutely up to them and you don't seem to understand the negative effect of lockdowns, testing, masks etc on the mental health of children. These children are quite simply sick and tired of testing and you need to respect that.

Growlybear83 · 07/12/2023 06:56

KeyWorker · 07/12/2023 06:38

What’s your plan for all other winter viruses? Do you insist they test for influenza, adenovirus, RSV, para influenza? Any of the hundreds of other viruses?

But are tests widely available for flu and other viruses? I may have missed them, but whenever I buy Covid tests, I've not noticed boxes of flu tests sitting next to them.

Amba1998 · 07/12/2023 07:00

You do know Covid is one strain of a million other things. You don’t make them test for that? What if they bring in a nasty strain of flu?

I wouldn’t test children. I wouldn’t ask anyone to test.

you can’t insist and if it’s something you want people to do then you simply can’t attend events

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 07:00

@Growlybear83 correct no tears for flu etc, which makes the Covid testing even more pointless!

Money making exercise by the companies, and the level of inaccuracy is ridiculous.

People being ill for five days, all negative results and then a positive.

Pointless money and time wasting exercise.

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 07:01

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 07:00

@Growlybear83 correct no tears for flu etc, which makes the Covid testing even more pointless!

Money making exercise by the companies, and the level of inaccuracy is ridiculous.

People being ill for five days, all negative results and then a positive.

Pointless money and time wasting exercise.

Tears not tears

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 07:01

Oh bloody hell tests not tears!!

justasoul · 07/12/2023 07:02

Growlybear83 · 07/12/2023 06:56

But are tests widely available for flu and other viruses? I may have missed them, but whenever I buy Covid tests, I've not noticed boxes of flu tests sitting next to them.

Show quote history

There are tests for flu - I bought one from my local Tesco when getting a box of covid tests (just out of curiosity!)

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 07/12/2023 07:02

I work with medically vulnerable adults, we are categorically told now not to test even if we are symptomatic and that unless we have a temperature and are physically too unwell to attend work to still come in. Testing is a thing of the past, immunocompromised people die of flu every year but we don’t test people for that. Even just going out to the shops once a week is enough to catch covid, thats how I caught it and I wore a mask. Its sad that you feel the need to keep living like this it doesn’t sound like much of a life. You are not unreasonable to not attend a gathering if you don’t want too but you are unreasonable to expect other people to test when the official guidance is not to, the world has moved on and the tests are horrid.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 07:03

I've always done my best to avoid anyone with illnesses.

I haven't had the flu vaccine since I was early 20s because the side effects left me sick for at least 2 weeks and the chances of flu were slim. I've had it twice in my lifetime.

I understand what people are saying about the kids. I don't have kids and couldn't see how the pandemic would affect them so much. That's why I posted here, for perspective

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 07:05

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 07:03

I've always done my best to avoid anyone with illnesses.

I haven't had the flu vaccine since I was early 20s because the side effects left me sick for at least 2 weeks and the chances of flu were slim. I've had it twice in my lifetime.

I understand what people are saying about the kids. I don't have kids and couldn't see how the pandemic would affect them so much. That's why I posted here, for perspective

Thank you everyone

Did you not discuss the Covid with your sister and how the children were effected?

Hercisback · 07/12/2023 07:05

What about all the other bugs around?

I've had a cold that was far worse than when testing positive for covid. There's lots of winter bugs out there RSV for example, that can't be tested for at home.

You are being so so unreasonable.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 07/12/2023 07:08

What kind of life are you living where you never go out and rarely see family? You're alive and not in hospital but this isn't enough for you surely?
Also there are multiple illnesses around - I've been sick with a random virus for 2 weeks now which isn't Covid because I tested (because it was worse than any cold I've had for years). You could catch anything from them.
live your life this way if you like. But you can't expect children to Covid test before spending time with you indefinitely.

StillWantingADog · 07/12/2023 07:09

KeyWorker · 07/12/2023 06:38

What’s your plan for all other winter viruses? Do you insist they test for influenza, adenovirus, RSV, para influenza? Any of the hundreds of other viruses?

Indeed this. And did you ask family to test for all these things before the pandemic?

of course not

this is total madness. My df shielded like crazy during the pandemic due to a compromised immune system. While he understands the risks of doing so, I’m happy that right now he is living a busy, full life.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 07:10

@Behindyouiam do you mean did I discuss the test?

No, all she volunteered is that they don't want to.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 07/12/2023 07:11

Justasoul - I had no idea that flu tests were available, and in that case I'll buy some. Does anyone know if flu as easily transmissible when you're asymptomatic as Covid?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 07/12/2023 07:11

I don't have kids and couldn't see how the pandemic would affect them so much

I'm not trying to be harsh here but my goodness. Children have been utterly traumatised by the testing process, by being isolated from friends, family, excluded from education, social interactions...the Covid generation of kids have extraordinary levels of mental health issues, educational delay, social and emotional delay and social exclusion. Can you really not imagine how a year of exclusion from normal life would have impacted children?