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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids and Covid test

253 replies

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 02:38

I'm just wanting to gauge other people's opinions.

I'm unvaccinated on GP advice. I have a few underlying health issues, don't go out socially often, and multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

My husband is fully vaccinated. He also has multiple health conditions.

Ever since Covid tests have been a thing, we've had a rule that anyone visiting, or anyone else we visit, must take a Covid test beforehand. If they don't agree, it's simple: the visit is cancelled.

The ONLY exception to this is my sister's toddler twins who are too young to understand. If they can't test, we accept it. If their dad is at home before a visit, he is usually able to test them. We aren't strict with them because we don't want to traumatise them, plus they don't like cuddles.

We also, if required, happily pay for and supply all tests.

The issue:

My sister and her five children will be at my mum's on Sunday for twins birthday party. Husband and I are going.

Sister tonight said that she will not be able to make DS2 and DS3 test because they don't want to. They are 6 and 9. They have always tested before and I know of no issues. They have clearly been told why they must test.

My mum is begging us to reconsider. I said the boys are old enough to be told to test, and for their mum to simply insist. But DSis thinks it's their right to refuse.

Am I being unreasonable in my unwavering stance that, if they don't test, our visit is off?

DH is adamant he won't go unless all 3 boys are tested.

How about Christmas?

OP posts:
Orangesandsatsumas · 07/12/2023 05:34

I sympathise with you as it must be awful having a disability or condition that makes you that vulnerable.

I don't test my children. In your sisters situation I possibly would but it depends. One of mine (the 7 year old) I could reason with on it. The 5 year old who really struggle. The 3 year old there would be no chance. The big two all pretty traumatised by the whole testing thing.

I guess it would depend on the exact condition and my own risk assessment as to how insistent I would be. I wouldn't force them as it's their bodies.

I don't think you are being unreasonable not to go if it makes you uncomfortable.

Orangesandsatsumas · 07/12/2023 05:38

BCBird · 07/12/2023 05:25

I don't think u are being unreasonable. Why are the children being given a choice

I'm quite horrified by this comment. My children have the right to bodily autonomy. I would explain the importance of it to them and encourage them to do it/be quite firm about why they should have it, but I certainly wouldn't force them to have a test that has no medical benefit to them.

User2856948 · 07/12/2023 05:38

You just don't visit rather than expect everyone else to do as you want

notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 05:39

multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

Unless there's a back story e.g. you're anaphylactically allergic to a component of the vaccine, then I don't believe this for a second.

If you're worried about covid, get a vaccine. stop being so attention seeking and forcing tests on everyone

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:39

BCBird · 07/12/2023 05:25

I don't think u are being unreasonable. Why are the children being given a choice

That's the part I don't get! As a parent, it's your job and responsibility to make them do stuff they don't like.

And I'm talking generally here, not just about testing

OP posts:
notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 05:39

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 03:46

No, sorry.

The risk of complications arising from the vaccine is why I shouldn't have them.

And, because I don't put myself in social situations often, I can afford the low risk this then presents. Make more sense?

Show quote history

Sorry, just seen this. Still don't believe this. In general, being disabled is more of a reason to have it.

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2023 05:40

Before COVID, would you have insisted on everyone having a full viral screen done, before visiting? No. Of course not. There are other winter bugs.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:43

notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 05:39

multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

Unless there's a back story e.g. you're anaphylactically allergic to a component of the vaccine, then I don't believe this for a second.

If you're worried about covid, get a vaccine. stop being so attention seeking and forcing tests on everyone

I don't see how I'm attention seeking? Except asking opinions here?

I don't know what to tell you re: gp. Because of the risk of side effects and complications, That's what I was told.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:45

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2023 05:40

Before COVID, would you have insisted on everyone having a full viral screen done, before visiting? No. Of course not. There are other winter bugs.

But with less serious bugs, I should be able to be cared for at home. By family. Not in a hospital, potentially ventilated

OP posts:
Hols24 · 07/12/2023 05:45

What's the health condition that makes the vaccine riskier than covid?

flowerchild2000 · 07/12/2023 05:46

On the one hand it's not like the vaccine would protect you from getting Covid, it just makes the illness less severe. You didn't really explain much about that. But if you're testing everyone it must be serious for you. I don't understand why it's so hard for them to test their children. It's not invasive. I wouldn't leave it to a child to decide. If the illness is dangerous for you I think everyone should be happy to test. In my experience it's mostly spread by children. Every time I've gotten Covid it was through my child. On the other hand testing isn't that effective. The tests themselves can be faulty and you have to test at just the right time. There's a big chance to get false negatives. I think if it's that dangerous for you, just don't go. But then you shouldn't go shopping or out to eat, etc either. I understand your conundrum and my opinion probably isn't even helpful. I have Long Covid quite severely, and it's cumulative so every time I get Covid my condition worsens. I've been bed-bound for months at a time since 2020. So getting Covid is terrifying for me. But I also just want to live normally again! It's very difficult and most people don't understand.

Inyourwildestdreams · 07/12/2023 05:48

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:39

That's the part I don't get! As a parent, it's your job and responsibility to make them do stuff they don't like.

And I'm talking generally here, not just about testing

Show quote history

@BCBird @Spencer0220 All children should be given the right to decide what is done to their body. Your views here are actually quite horrific!

As a parent, my job and responsibility is absolutely not to “make them do stuff they don’t like” 😳

The kids don’t want to test. You don’t want to go if they don’t test. So stay at home and enjoy your day with your DH, and let them enjoy their day - it’s quite simple.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:48

I'd rather not answer specifics. However, I will say that I have 2 different auto immune problems and a very compromised immune system

OP posts:
notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 05:49

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:43

I don't see how I'm attention seeking? Except asking opinions here?

I don't know what to tell you re: gp. Because of the risk of side effects and complications, That's what I was told.

Show quote history

What's your disability?

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:51

flowerchild2000 · 07/12/2023 05:46

On the one hand it's not like the vaccine would protect you from getting Covid, it just makes the illness less severe. You didn't really explain much about that. But if you're testing everyone it must be serious for you. I don't understand why it's so hard for them to test their children. It's not invasive. I wouldn't leave it to a child to decide. If the illness is dangerous for you I think everyone should be happy to test. In my experience it's mostly spread by children. Every time I've gotten Covid it was through my child. On the other hand testing isn't that effective. The tests themselves can be faulty and you have to test at just the right time. There's a big chance to get false negatives. I think if it's that dangerous for you, just don't go. But then you shouldn't go shopping or out to eat, etc either. I understand your conundrum and my opinion probably isn't even helpful. I have Long Covid quite severely, and it's cumulative so every time I get Covid my condition worsens. I've been bed-bound for months at a time since 2020. So getting Covid is terrifying for me. But I also just want to live normally again! It's very difficult and most people don't understand.

I am sending big hugs. 🤗

OP posts:
Hols24 · 07/12/2023 05:51

Who cannot have the vaccine?
The vaccines do not contain living organisms,
and so are safe for people with disorders
of the immune system. These people may
not respond so well to the vaccine. A very
small number of people who are at risk of
COVID-19 cannot have the vaccine – this
includes people who have severe allergies
to a component in the vaccine.

Hols24 · 07/12/2023 05:54

I'm surprised you're unvaccinated on GP advice - in fact on multiple GPs' advice. This sounds like a call for your consultant.

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2023 06:13

@Spencer0220 RSV and flu see hundreds of people in hospital every winter. Children's wards and PICU's will be crippled by RSV.

YogiYogiBear · 07/12/2023 06:21

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:39

That's the part I don't get! As a parent, it's your job and responsibility to make them do stuff they don't like.

And I'm talking generally here, not just about testing

Show quote history

When it's in their best interests. This is not.

OneMoreStepAlongTheRoadIGo · 07/12/2023 06:23

I'm clinically vulnerable so get the vaccines as soon as they're offered.

I've been quite ill for 6months with lingering chest infection that restricted what I did after one bought of covid.

I shielded first time round and our family was really isolated.

But I don't think it's any life to carry on like that now. Honestly. I think living a half life full of fear is worse.

Realistically most people I know who do test and have had covid recently- it doesn't show up in a test early on.

You're just as likely to catch it if you go into shops (we didn't do shops for a long time) so if you go into shops no reason not to see family.

I am still cautious around people with an active cold/symptoms but apart from that I am back in the world and need to be for mental health reasons or your world becomes fsr too small.

Can you go back to a gp to talk this through as I'm not convinced they're expecting anyone to shield now.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 07/12/2023 06:25

You are being utterly ridiculous and I say that as someone who is also high risk. Stay away if someone is showing cold like symptoms. I would do the same. But insisting healthy people test before you'll meet them is nuts.

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 07/12/2023 06:27

I actually can’t believe I’m reading this, i work in the NHS and we stopped routinely testing months ago. When will you stop asking people to test? We are now nearly 4 years on! There are plenty of other virus around and if you’re immunocompromised any of them could land you in hospital

adomizo · 07/12/2023 06:27

The tests are now unreliable. And it would also depend on how the tests were carried out. Still can't understand why your GP would suggest that not being vaccinated is necessary? Do you also not get vaccinated against the flu and insist everyone else is ? It's a more serious illness.

notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 06:29

Hols24 · 07/12/2023 05:54

I'm surprised you're unvaccinated on GP advice - in fact on multiple GPs' advice. This sounds like a call for your consultant.

Exactly.

I think what's accurate is 'I didn't want to get the vaccination and badgered loads of GPs who were fed up with dealing with anti-vaxxers and just told me to do what I want'

notmorezoom · 07/12/2023 06:30

Spencer0220 · 07/12/2023 05:48

I'd rather not answer specifics. However, I will say that I have 2 different auto immune problems and a very compromised immune system

Barring a known allergy to a component of the vaccine (which you'd have said by now), they are all reasons to get vaccinated, not reasons to avoid it.