Kids and Covid test

[Spencer0220]

I'm just wanting to gauge other people's opinions.

I'm unvaccinated on GP advice. I have a few underlying health issues, don't go out socially often, and multiple GPs in my surgery agreed that vaccination wasn't in my best interests, in part due to my low risk of catching anything.

My husband is fully vaccinated. He also has multiple health conditions.

Ever since Covid tests have been a thing, we've had a rule that anyone visiting, or anyone else we visit, must take a Covid test beforehand. If they don't agree, it's simple: the visit is cancelled.

The ONLY exception to this is my sister's toddler twins who are too young to understand. If they can't test, we accept it. If their dad is at home before a visit, he is usually able to test them. We aren't strict with them because we don't want to traumatise them, plus they don't like cuddles.

We also, if required, happily pay for and supply all tests.

The issue:

My sister and her five children will be at my mum's on Sunday for twins birthday party. Husband and I are going.

Sister tonight said that she will not be able to make DS2 and DS3 test because they don't want to. They are 6 and 9. They have always tested before and I know of no issues. They have clearly been told why they must test.

My mum is begging us to reconsider. I said the boys are old enough to be told to test, and for their mum to simply insist. But DSis thinks it's their right to refuse.

Am I being unreasonable in my unwavering stance that, if they don't test, our visit is off?

DH is adamant he won't go unless all 3 boys are tested.

How about Christmas?

@Macaroni46 she had a planned c section at the end of November so it doesn't ring true.

Hi OP. Why did you write this post? You ask the question, you get a response where the overwhelming consensus is that YABU to varying degrees, however you argue with these responses and love bomb the 1 or 2 known 'Covidians' on here (you know, "its a vascular disease!" "It enlarges every childs brain!")

Do you want confirmation of your ways or do want a consensus? Will you even consider that you re being over the top? If the "Its a vascular disease" brigade never showed up and the consensus was 100% YABU rather than 95/5, would you take anything on board then?

It's a shame she couldn't talk her kids into the test. I really do get not wanting to physically force them to take it as that really is too far I think, but I've talked mine into it a few times when they haven't wanted to take one by discussing how serious the virus can be for others.

It's easy to say it's 'just a cold' when you've experienced it that way, but in reality it is a much more complex virus than that.

For those of us who found it mild I think we slip into a very complacent mind set and this thread is a good reminder that it's not that simple for everyone.

The complicating factors there is that people have different views on who the selfish, navel gazing twats are and what the community at large needs, especially now. So when we move the goalposts about how it's normalised to talk about other people's health decisions, we aren't just doing it for people whose definitions we agree with.

For example, those who told mask exempt people they shouldn't be going out, gave them dirty looks etc during the period when they were legally required aren't exhibiting behaviour any different to people slagging off others wearing them now because they don't like seeing it. They only differ on the target. This is what I mean about the normalisation of that behaviour.

@TrashedSofa oh yeah I totally agree. I’m saying we all need to be considerate of other people when trying to see to our own needs. We all tend towards the selfish twat if we’re not careful. I was editing my own comment, not making a pick tags instead yours, because I’d said ‘you do you’ which encourages people to just bowl on through other people.

As for the OP, who has no doubt stopped reading about 2 pages in for her own mental health, I empathise with having health needs because I am different when it comes to covid. I was just trying to go against the grain for her and say, look fuck this lot and their hate towards you, just do what you need to do. You know what you need. But since then, I’m tempering that with ‘but obviously don’t be a dick either, bear equally in mind that other people have different needs to you’.

edit: making a pick tags instead yours - no idea what I was trying to type there! 🤦‍♀️ it’s a typo, but fuck knows what I was saying.

@TrashedSofa oh yeah I totally agree. I’m saying we all need to be considerate of other people when trying to see to our own needs. We all tend towards the selfish twat if we’re not careful. I was editing my own comment, not making a pick tags instead yours, because I’d said ‘you do you’ which encourages people to just bowl on through other people.

Yeah, we do. You're right. It's not easy, and I think it's also a more divisive issue than it was this time 4 years ago.

It's probably easier all round if you and your husband don't visit. Problem solved.

You might be asymptomatic and pass it on to vulnerable people. 2 weeks feeling rough from a jab is nothing compared to that.

I can’t believe I’m reading this shit still 4 years later.

My severely immunocompromised dad with several life limiting illnesses isn’t testing as he accepted the vaccine - and it’s side effects as it was the lesser of the two outcomes. There is a life to live - not stay away from everyone for ever more.

I have a feeling that your removal from most of society is probably more of a driving force than actual science. Also, your attitude to body autonomy is awful. Absolutely awful.

Wearing a mask except for eating is absolutely batshit. You breathe whilst you’re eating right?

Its absolutely crazy.

I mean….we didn’t make it up…that’s it’s a vascular disease. The British Heart Foundation have a whole page on it…just because you’re dreaming it isn’t doesn’t make us wrong. Lol. https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/news/coronavirus-and-your-health/is-coronavirus-a-disease-of-the-blood-vessels

The point is though surely that as a nation/society/civilisation we learned that diseases like covid can effect all people and disproportionately affect vulnerable people.
And simple measures like quarantine of the sick and small things like not coughing and sneezing over people at the supermarket (as in wear a mask rather than not going). We also learned that we can do things more safely for these vulnerable people. Like not treat them in a hospital ward with covid patients.
And we also figured out that cleaner indoor air can reduce foggy head and respiratory infections by somewhere between 10-50% (depending on the study) and that requires no personal input at all.

We learned all this stuff but decided as a society we were ok for vulnerable people to live a reduced life and suffer because….we had all had enough? We only lived them if they were our vulnerable person? Doing something the way we had always done it was necessary.

Whats going to happen to little children who have been infected with covid multiple times before they even start school? Whats their health in 10, 20 yrs going to be like?

It’s certainly getting worse isn’t it. Identity politics is taking over in any walks of life. This is why the trans movement is so thorny. We know you want to be you, but can you stop trampling on us to get there? It’s the same in so many areas isn’t it.

That should say ‘all’ walks of life.

Quite aside from the actual science of disease, something quite remarkable happened in march 2020. A new quasi-religion was born, in the absence of much else to do people lapped it up, they followed it's rituals, the watched professors witless and unbalanced giving the death stats like the football results of old, they banged their pans for the sainted NHS, they tithed to Captain Tom, to an extent many of us did these things, we then lined up for a shot of the vaccine having taken everything said totally on trust and without reservation.

To a ragtag band of scientists and mathematicians it was manner from heaven, instant fame in a world where true fame is hard to achieve, we all use Paracetamol, one of the worlds most used medicines, though I'd wager no one could name its inventor (Harmon Morse, had to look it up!) to that point if you had asked the man on the street to name an epidemologist of note he would have had no idea of name and probably even what one does!!

A friend of mine who is a bona fide virologist, said to me early on that this sociological phenomenon would fade as people caught covid, recovered, lost their fear and desired normality. he was right, the wheels started to fall off Covidology, the daily TV show was cancelled and most of us resumed entirely normal life, banishing that odd period to some sort of dark recess of the brain, either relived normality had returned or feeling a bit of a prat for following it all.

However, for some, it gave them purpose, something to do, a ritual, a rush waiting for that test result, whatever, they have stayed stuck in 2020, they have Independent Sage to top up their fears now and again. If you want to live your life like that, fair enough I guess, but its not for me.

Wouldn't that be impossible? Isn't it mandatory to have 4 weeks leave post birth?

I wrote this post genuinely curious if I was right or wrong.

I don't feel I've love bombed anyone. I have tried to respond to some negative comments and questions but

Sorry hit send by accident

But there's been so many responses I have not managed to keep up replying individually.

I have taken a lot from this thread. Namely that there isn't any consensus.

I think the general agreement is, as I'm prepared to miss out, I'm not being unreasonable and need to accept my nephews' autonomy

Moving forward, I'm not changing my stance. My husband had a conversation with one of his professionals yesterday who was utterly appalled we'd consider going without testing

“”My husband had a conversation with one of his professionals yesterday who was utterly appalled we'd consider going without testing””…I suspect there’s rather a lot of cognitive bias going on for you both!! From 1 person with auto Immune issues to another, who would love to actually know what your diagnosis is, please try and speak to your specialist and get up to date info from them.

I dunno the things are saying that are backed up by professionals is weird. My pal just didn't want the jab so said she had been advised not to have it because of being immunocompromised. All bollocks. She also seems to think the flu jab is the same one every year and won't have that because it makes her have flu for 2 weeks. She didn't realise it's different every year.

Go, don't go but don't expect people to believe you can't have this vaccine. Just say you don't want it. People don't care.

utterly appalled we'd consider going without testing
really? he probably goes along with your DH as it's easier than disagreeing 🤷🏼‍♀️
I think your attitude is very selfish, you refuse to vaccinate against anything therefore relying on everyone else to be vaccinated and test.

Nonsense. Utter nonsense.

“To the world this is just a vulnerable person, to us this vulnerable person is our World.”

Many people are not living like it’s 2020 for fun - they’re doing it because them or their loved ones are still vulnerable. Nothing has changed. Covid is still dangerous for vulnerable people. My fully vaxxed aunt died this year from Covid. People are dying every day from Covid. Why wouldn’t you want to protect those vulnerable people you love over going to eat in a restaurant?

I don't think you are being unreasonable what some people don't appreciate is that COVID is still a killer for some people it's not a cold it's completely different from other respiratory infections. My friend was recently hospitalised with it. Thankfully she has recovered but it's an experience to be avoided if possible .
If you don't feel comfortable going don't go, don't feel guilty about it and ignore people who are saying you are being unreasonable

If someone has a specific vulnerability to infection, then they must of course try to avoid it if possible, thats absolutely fine - it's sad for them that they miss out, but thats life.

If the family and carers of a vulnerable person want to take added precautions for them, then that too is fine, I fully respect that - but the rest of society will just crack on with life.

A good friend of mine developed acute leukemia this year and had to stay in isolation, he missed out on many events and get togethers, which was sad for him and us - fortunately 9 months of treatment and he's now in remission and back out and about (he caught covid the week after getting discharged, but recovered very quickly). Life sucks if you are ill, but that alas is part of life.

I'm sorry to hear your aunt died, but she was, as you said fully vaccinated, so is there realistically any more she could have done? Its out there, and thats how it will stay forever (or at least whilst it has a host animal, and it has a few allready, so its here for good in effect)

This whole OP is a couple, who are vulnerable, asking if their family would take an extra precaution to look after them.

It is a shame that their family has decided to “move on” and not look after them.

Im sorry for your friend but so pleased they are better.

My aunts story is so sad. She was vulnerable and a carer was known to be covid positive and visited her anyway.
It is a shame that was the situation they were both in. Aunt needed care and the carer was out visiting vulnerable people when they knew they were ill - because of lack of policy.
She was removed from all her medications that controlled her condition for the last few weeks of her life so not only did she have Covid her condition was out of control. Poor poor lady.

Well I think your aunts case underlines the need for carers / nurses etc. not to be in work when they are infectious - that is clearly a dangerous situation for the patients, not to mention sick people tend not to work at their best.

I said upthread, or on another thread, that although I'm not pro general masking or widespread testing, I do wish we would have come out the other end of this changing the habit of going to work or school sick, if we all took proper time to recover at home there would be less transmission of everything.

I just wouldn’t invite you and I wouldn’t visit you. You’ll be very short of friends soon.