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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

356 replies

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:14

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 07/12/2023 00:17

I would do Xmas day on the 25th, with kids opening their gifts in the morning, and have a nice light easy meal. And then have 26th be the day when you do the big roast.

SwedishEdith · 07/12/2023 00:17

How old is SIL and how old is their child?

SantaBarbaraMonica · 07/12/2023 00:18

I think they open Santa pressies first thing. You can keep all family presents until everyone has arrived. I wouldn’t be letting others dictate beyond that. They can fuck right off. It’s your and the kids Christmas too and opening Santa gifts first thing is a huge part of it for almost every other family on earth. It’s not unreasonable to be inflexible on that.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:19

They don’t want to open presents in the morning as they think we should all open our presents together.

SIL is in her 30s, her child is 6

OP posts:
SantaBarbaraMonica · 07/12/2023 00:19

Ps. I GUARANTEE you that the two 6 yr olds will have opened Santa gifts that morning, no matter what the plan is.

Zombiezee · 07/12/2023 00:21

When I was little, our stocking was from Father Christmas, and could be opened when we woke up. Big presents were under the tree, and we knew they were from parents/ relatives etc. and we waited until an appropriate point to open them. It was still magical and worked really well.

SwedishEdith · 07/12/2023 00:23

What's the sil's story about presents to her own child? Is she intending to bring them and put them under the tree Xmas night? I'd just hold some back for the other kids so they have some to open when their cousin arrives. Pretending it's still Christmas Eve won't work for 6 year olds, they're not stupid.

Mariposista · 07/12/2023 00:23

Zombiezee · 07/12/2023 00:21

When I was little, our stocking was from Father Christmas, and could be opened when we woke up. Big presents were under the tree, and we knew they were from parents/ relatives etc. and we waited until an appropriate point to open them. It was still magical and worked really well.

Yep us too.
Santa presents first thing, and family ones after lunch.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/12/2023 00:23

I agree with you, either your kids are allowed to open a few bits (without PIL making a fuss, causing an atmosphere) then the rest later OR you do it on the 26th.

why is SIL & her 6 year old more important than your DH & his kids?

They can't stop your DC opening gifts YOU give them so you can do as you please. But it would be nicer to get the PIL's agreement so there's no atmosphere.

whizzbangpopsplutter · 07/12/2023 00:24

Agree with PP - Santa presents first thing in the morning (surely SIL's own 6 year old will want to open his/hers at home too?), then family presents all together after everyone has arrived. And don't put the presents under the tree until just before they get there! Your 4 year old will probably be fine if kept happy and distracted, but it's not reasonable to expect them to sit and stare at a pile of gifts all day.

fingerguns · 07/12/2023 00:25

We do what you want to do. Those staying at grandparents' house get to open their presents from Father Christmas on Christmas Morning, and my DB/SIL and their DC open their presents whenever they come down, either later on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Still magical for everyone.

For me the magic of Christmas starts early morning. It doesn't have to mean presents, but that definitely helps.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:25

In their country they tell children that Santa brings all the gifts, and they are all left under the tree, which is why I suppose they didn’t naturally jump to that solution (that would have been my first thought too). We’re trying to work out a balance between adapting to their traditions while we’re their whilst maintaining some consistency over the whole Father Christmas myth… but yes, this is basically what I want to do - let my child open her Santa presents (and then my BIL let his child open a couple of his presents from under the tree in the morning too)

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 07/12/2023 00:26

Stuff that for a bowl of cherries. Allow your child to open their presents on Christmas morning. Its about your child, not a bunch of adults who should know better.

Precipice · 07/12/2023 00:26

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

This sounds insane. Except for the baby, they're going to know what day it is. The 6 year olds will have been going to school and are capable of counting from their last school day on.

A few presents in the morning sounds like a good solution.

However, presents waiting is not necessarily an issue. In Poland, presents get opened in the evening of the 24th, after a long big evening meal, and somehow the children survive seeing the presents under the tree the whole day. Just make sure to manage expectations and that it's clear that presents come at a specified later point.

Chiar · 07/12/2023 00:27

Stockings/gifts from father Christmas in the morning, and family presents when they join you. Some coordination in what level of gifts father Christmas brings so you don't have one child opening toothbrushes and a slinky toy while another has the Barbie Dreamhouse.

I think the idea of changing the date is a good one though.

GrumpyPanda · 07/12/2023 00:27

Hmm. Tricky if they're used to Christmas morning. We grew up in the German tradition which has its own attractions - presents AND first tree lighting after dusk, kids have to wait outside and then get to enter a totally dark living room except for the live candles burning on the tree, carols then the great free-for-all.

Maybe you can tell them Santa's sled got rescheduled because of a lack of airport departure/landing slots? Or got held up in a snowdrift?

AnotherDanceClass · 07/12/2023 00:27

They can’t tell you what to do. My kids would be opening their presents on Xmas morning, everyone else could do whatever they wanted. You’re an adult, a parent, you get to choose what your children do.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 00:32

SantaBarbaraMonica · 07/12/2023 00:19

Ps. I GUARANTEE you that the two 6 yr olds will have opened Santa gifts that morning, no matter what the plan is.

Totally agree.
No way is a 6yo waking up on Christmas morning and not opening gifts. 6 yos are too savy to lie to about the date they'll have been counting down the sleeps.

They'll get up have a lazy Christmas morning then jump in the car arrive at ILs 6 yo will bounce in the door - look what I got....

Meanwhile you'll have had a shite day, when can i open, are they nearly hear, on repeat every 5mins.

Op put your foot down. No your not asking a small child to wait for hours to open stuff.

I'd almost be tempted to say we'll travel on Christmas day too.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:38

haha, I assumed it would be easy to lie to a 6 year old about the date as I think I could easily be led to believe it was a different date if I wasn’t looking at my phone 😂 but that must just be me then!

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 00:39

I grew up with Santa delivering everything but not everything is from him - he acts as a courier.

Has advantage of no gifts being proded and no gifts to move to hoover the night before. My 'Santa' was very houseproud in a small house!

You could still separate the gifts and allow some to be opened first thing and a few others later in the day. But it's verging on cruel to hype kids up that Santa will come then they can't touch anything. SOD that!

TheChosenTwo · 07/12/2023 00:39

Time to introduce your own ideas then isn’t it?
if this had happened to me I’d have put my foot down and just explained that my dc would be opening their stockings (from Father Christmas) first thing in the morning in our bed so won’t get in anyone else way, no one else would even know about it, and then anything else we would wait for.

Chiar · 07/12/2023 00:40

That's a good point @GrumpyPanda , it does depend what country you'll be in and what the traditions are there. If it's fairly normal to wait until 4pm then, with other kids who are used to that and maybe a bit of flex around a little something in the morning, it should be fine.

On reflection maybe 6 year olds are a bit big to be convinced about the change of day, especially with armed with advent calendars. But they might be fine with celebrations starting at 4pm or on the 26th because we're in Germany.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 00:40

@Tengreenbottles2 mines nearly 7 but apparently its 19 sleeps!

They would have needed to start the advent calenders a day late. But school also tell them.

KingsleyBorder · 07/12/2023 00:44

If all the presents under the tree are from Santa does that mean that they are all hidden elsewhere in the house until Christmas morning?

WandaWonder · 07/12/2023 00:46

I dont agree or disagree as such but my child at 4 would have no idea idea what day Christmas was so if would be directed what we said to them at the time