AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

So just to be clear, when we wake up on Christmas morning it will be us, PILs, plus BIL and his 6 yo. And in that country, Father Christmas brings all the presents, and they’re all left under the tree. So ideally we would coordinate with BIL so that our DD isn’t running downstairs with new presents while our nephew has to wait all day for his. But they all think it wouldn’t be fair on our other nephew (the one who’s arriving later) if our kids open some presents, even though he won’t even know his cousins are opening their presents- until he gets there, when it’ll be time to open his too.

I will just say that my own children never realised that they got their presents on a completely different day from their friends in the EU country they grew up in. We followed British traditions and celebrated the 25th because DH worked in Healthcare whereas everyone else celebrated the 24th. It saved us a fortune not having to hire a Santa (yes local custom meant you had to pay the local entrepreneurial teenager to arrive with a sack of presents - prebooked timeslots). But mine never caught on they were waiting an extra day.

I did once get questioned by DD1 when she was around 8, but she accepted the explanation that because I am English - they were on the English Santa list rather than the European one and it takes Santa time to get to everyone.

Yes. As I said ours weren't all from Santa but he delivered with his own. Magically over night.

@Lunde that’s so funny! I love the idea of a teenaged Santa with time slots too!

@Lunde I think the issue would be more if they've said its 19 sleeps and your trying to push it back a day somewhere you need to convince them that its the same number as yesterday and they have opened today's advent calendar door when they haven't.

Would have been easier to convince them by starting advent calendars on 2nd rather than 1st.

@Tengreenbottles2

Is sil and her child waiting all day to open presents or are they opening presents before they set off on their journey?

Why can't use open presents in the morning and assuming yous buy each other presents, there will still be presents to open when yous exchange gifts when sil arrives?

There is no way in today’s era of the date being plastered on every digital device that you can get away with lying about the date to children 4 and up. The very suggestion is ridiculous.

the plan also hinges on there being no travel delays on a day where there will almost certainly be travel delays. You could end up with SIL not arriving until late that night.

i would consider staying somewhere else so you have more control over your schedule. That way you could wake up and do Christmas morning on your own terms and then go over to the parents house after you open presents and do some celebrating.

I don't know why SIL has to watch your kids open their presents from Santa? Just let the kids open them. They are YOUR kids. Tell the in laws to do one, they can dictate your kids Christmas experience.

@Sugarfree23 you raise some excellent points. Ugh, AND, apparently advent calendars aren’t a thing over there, but this year MIL asked me to get some for her to take back to my nephews! I’m kicking myself now, I should have told her they’d sold out 😅 But OK yeah, I’ll drop the idea of lying about the date. In fact that’s probably why the idea was rejected in the first place isn’t it.

I believe so, yes. Which sounds like an even crappier Christmas for her kids…

And yes, that’s what I was thinking too… as long as we’ve got some gifts left to open when they arrive I don’t see why it should be a problem… DH is going to talk to them again in the morning… Although I’ve told him that if BIL doesn’t want his child opening ANY presents in the morning then our DD can just open her Santa presents discreetly in our room. I just feel like waiting all day would spoil the magic of the whole Father Christmas thing.

Definitely drop the idea of lying about the date.

Options you either stand your ground and the LOs open some gifts in the morning. Or you stay in an Airbnb.

I seriously doubt SIL is going to go to the hassle of putting everything unopened in the car to open at Grannies to cart home again bonkers!
She must be planning on opening some stuff before leaving

LOs might get away with missing with Christmas once. But it means I'd never agree to another Christmas with them.

maybe it’s that I am heavily pregnant but this would melt my brain. Your in laws and DH are delusional…..

i’ll be honest I’d be putting the squarely ( and I mean squarely) at my husbands feet.

i would underline what a total MESS this will be and making my feelings totally clearly that
a. he will be dealing with the fallout IN FULL on the day so WTAF is his plan???
and
b. I will be raging and reminding him of it until kingdom come so WTAF is his plan to manage his screaming crying child????

in lieu of any kind of sensible / plausible solution from him I’d put my foot down and say my child would be opening toy(s) from Santa in the morning or we aren’t travelling.

Deleted as referenced a country that someone else mentioned, not OP!

No it sounds awful. It's not up to Grandparents to dictate Christmas tradition. Take some pressies up to their room for them to open on the morning and just tell BIL that's what you're doing and it's up to him what he does. Father Christmas bringing all the presents sounds shit. What country is this please?

It sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day, kids not allowed to open any presents until after 4pm and no Christmas dinner until the next day. Blow that, I'd be staying at home.

SIL and co open their presents when they arrive

Everyone else does the 25th

Simples

Although I’ve told him that if BIL doesn’t want his child opening ANY presents in the morning then our DD can just open her Santa presents discreetly in our room

^

Nope!!

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me)

This solves it. Why are you so passive with the ‘idea rejected, no idea by whom or why, oh well’?

When our kids were young, I always worked on Cmas Day/Boxing Day etc. We just always moved it. Kids that age understand dates, just how many days - 2 days, 2 sleeps etc. You can move dates however you want this way. We would sometimes celebrate a week out if we had to. It was the same for their birthdays, we fudged those as well as needed until we couldn’t. It was funny with our eldest in fyos when their teacher got the class to sing happy birthday, to which my child was confused and said it wasn’t their birthday, they already had it. The teacher actually spoke to us ‘thinking’ their paperwork was wrong. PA dick - obviously birth certificates etc are needed to enrol a child in school so your paperwork is not wrong. But you can get away with this stuff if logistics require for some years. Thats your ideal solution to manage this Xmas.

I’d absolutely let my child have a stocking in their room and let them open all those presents from me in the morning. We have traditions too! No way would I make them wait all day just so SIL can see them open their gifts (why would she care? Lol)

Why is the entire day being planned for the person not there vs the people who actually will be there?! That is what makes it crazy! Tough shit SIL is missing out, why do you ALL have to miss out? I would be really really annoyed by this. Why can’t SIL just celebrate Boxing Day with you all? This has golden child vibes all over it!

We’ve always spent a lot of Christmas in DH’ EU country, where we have a big meal on 24th and then some presents are opened after midnight. My son grew up knowing Father Christmas arrived while he was sleeping, so I always insisted he had his gifts from Santa on the morning of 25th at our home. The presents opened on Christmas Eve tended to be from the family (we always made it clear that family gifts came from them; not Santa).

That way he still got the usual stocking, leaving plate out for Santa etc experience and of course Christmas morning gifts.

You just explain, as I did, that Santa comes on different day/times due to time difference. They open some on the morning of 25th and the rest on 26th. Given this may not be your last overseas Christmas, you need to set your stall out now. Children will get used to it, and what could be nicer than additional Christmas days?

Instead of lying about the date, tell all the children that you’ve made arrangements with Father Christmas to bring everyone‘s gifts on Boxing Day, so all the children can get them together. Since your children and BIL’s child are waiting an extra day for their cousin, they each get one special present Christmas morning. I would make the special present something that will keep them busy, like games or craft kits.

Just have a stocking and explain to your four year old that you are waiting for another child before opening presents.

A truly rubbish Christmas Day is pretty wretched.

Where are they travelling from that they don't get to you till 4pm?!

OP, which country is this?

Apart from stockings in the morning, we’ve never had our presents until the evening on Xmas day, so I don’t see the problem with this!