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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

356 replies

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 00:14

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 07/12/2023 07:53

Mariposista · 07/12/2023 00:23

Yep us too.
Santa presents first thing, and family ones after lunch.

Show quote history

Also how we did it. Stockings first thing, everything else after lunch. About 4pm would be pretty standard for us.

But we only had stockings from FC. None of this stuff appearing under the tree business.

Brefugee · 07/12/2023 07:53

@Tengreenbottles2 of course if the adults are going all cat's bum mouth about it ruining Christmas tell them to have a little think about how mean it is to let a 4 and 6 year old see all the presents and have to wait so long without even a sniff at opening something small.

I'm not completely "christmas is only for kids" but i do think that it is also for adults. (Is there some complicated SIL Backstory that makes it all like this?)

sashh · 07/12/2023 07:55

If you don't normally spend Xmas in the country you are visiting then it is ideal to start some new traditions.

Coordinate with the other parents and have a stocking in the morning, the parent arriving late can be sent a stocking or clued in so their child gets the same.

The children who are there Xmas eve can hang their stockings up.

Santa will be a day late because the chief elf didn't tell him where the children would be so he tried to deliver them to where they live.

Chief elf is too small and doesn't have a sleigh so he/she could only carry a stocking.

For what it is worth I think the idea of presents on the 26th is a good one as you don't really want a gang of young children opening presents and getting over excited in the evening.

Flossflower · 07/12/2023 07:56

This has actually happened to our family and it was rubbish. We were visiting PILs who are usually lovely. We actually drove on Christmas Day so our teens opened most of theirs before they went but their cousins who were much younger had stayed overnight and didn’t get to open theirs until late afternoon. The reason was MIL had to get up early to bell ring and didn’t get back till about 11 am. She then wanted to prepare Christmas lunch so said they would do presents after lunch. My nephews were asking all day when they could open their presents. Don’t inflict this on your own children.
BTW we had all offered to do lunch for MIL but she wanted to do it herself.

Ittastesvile · 07/12/2023 07:56

I'm SIL in this scenario. My nieces and nephews open presents before I arrive.

Sugarfree23 · 07/12/2023 07:57

@Tengreenbottles2 Have you checked if trains run on Christmas Day? They don't in the UK. Or if they do it's an incredibly limited service.

Nannyfannybanny · 07/12/2023 07:58

As a child,it was a stocking on the end of the bed,THAT was from Santa. Presents from real people,were after lunch. Most friends were horrified when we carried on with this, said presents should be in the morning. I watched relatives kids, just ripping open, discarding presents, going to the next one. At 6 my DKs didn't believe in Santa anymore. I feel when you are in someone's house,you have respect, that's how my children/grandkids have been brought up. If you don't like the in-laws way of doing things, don't go there. Boxing Day is this called because that was the day of receiving gifts.

Fairylightgirl · 07/12/2023 08:03

just pretend to catch covid. and don't go!

😊

milveycrohn · 07/12/2023 08:04

When I was a child, we always had a Xmas stocking full of little bits, first thing in the morning. Then we had sibling presents late morning (after a traditional Xmas day church service), and finally presents from parents after lunch.
My DM always said she was too busy with the dinner to do their presents until after lunch.
Other countries have different customs. In some countries they exchange gifts on Christmas Eve, and in the case of my DDIL, Christmas Eve is their most important day. As others have said, I always thought the 26th (aka Boxing Day) was so called as that was the traditional day for gifts.
I think from the OP's In Laws, they would like the family to share in the giving and receiving of gifts. Part of the enjoyment is to watch others opening their presents, so I would aim for a compromise in some way.

Pinkelephant66 · 07/12/2023 08:09

As the sister I wouldn’t expect everyone else to wait for me until 4pm. Bit of a joke really

Chiar · 07/12/2023 08:09

WhatToDoAboutTheNosys · 07/12/2023 07:29

The only thing I can think of working with their plan is if you tell your DS that Santa arrives later in the day in that county? Because he has to get to everywhere. So in the morning you do something Christmas films and baking, then you put out Santas milk and cookies etc, go for a walk and when you get back at 4pm Santa has been

I think this would totally work for a 4 year old and result in a lovely Christmas Day.

And actually that could be spoiled by you privately whipping out a stocking in the morning. Not because adults' traditions trump children's happiness but just because you're going all in with that country's Santa.

I still remember the one Christmas that we did things totally differently to normal, because we had guests who had different traditions. I remember it being exciting, but I have no memory of what gifts I got that year.

AnImaginaryCat · 07/12/2023 08:10

I'm interested in knowing what country it is.

I know different countries do Christmas differently but never heard of a country where it's tradtional that Santa delivers all the presents.

If it's the country that's been mentioned in the edited posts then even there it's not country wide belief. He delivers the main presents. Not only that he delivers them on the 24th!

Anyway OP I don't know what to suggest. If your DH didn't have the time to discuss it while he was discussing it with his parents, maybe he should call them back?

I think it would be better if they get something in the morning. You could do that in whatever room they are in. Should keep them happy till 4 anyway.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 08:11

WhatToDoAboutTheNosys · 07/12/2023 07:29

The only thing I can think of working with their plan is if you tell your DS that Santa arrives later in the day in that county? Because he has to get to everywhere. So in the morning you do something Christmas films and baking, then you put out Santas milk and cookies etc, go for a walk and when you get back at 4pm Santa has been

Thanks for that idea, that actually could potentially work if we all get a story straight and I start preparing the ground now

OP posts:
FarEast · 07/12/2023 08:11

YABU and very selfish. The children don’t know the exact date. You’re prepared to let your SiL and her DC miss out ? She’s working FFS.

Do something else Christmas morning. A walk, a movie, even go to church. Have a nice lunch then before you know it, it’ll be 4pm.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 08:13

Your dc can open gifts in your room before you go down stairs.. Surely mil's wishes don't go abive a dc having a proper Christmas morning? Bonkers pandering to that shit..

Tacotortoise · 07/12/2023 08:13

I think if you talk to your dc before hand and let them open stockings in the morning they'll be fine. They've got their cousins and other family and things to do.

When I was a child we sometimes did German Christmas (presents on the evening of Christmas eve), something English (presents on morning of 25th) and sometimes Spanish (not til festival of the Maji in January). It was all fine no loss of magic.

AnImaginaryCat · 07/12/2023 08:17

Chiar · 07/12/2023 08:09

I think this would totally work for a 4 year old and result in a lovely Christmas Day.

And actually that could be spoiled by you privately whipping out a stocking in the morning. Not because adults' traditions trump children's happiness but just because you're going all in with that country's Santa.

I still remember the one Christmas that we did things totally differently to normal, because we had guests who had different traditions. I remember it being exciting, but I have no memory of what gifts I got that year.

Show quote history

Decent idea.

Lets face it children believe all sorts when it comes to Santa!

Consider that you can have, in just one country, a Santa that:

  • delivers all the presents (from other people)
  • gives all the presents (so none from other people)
  • gives the big presents, and there are then presents under the tree from other people and either nothing or something small from parents.
  • who leaves a stocking and then there's tree presents from presents
  • doesn't leave anything.

Yet children tend not to notice this for a long time.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 07/12/2023 08:17

This about the grandparents rather than the DC? Id give your DC the presents from Santa (you) and the grandparents can give out their presents to all DGC when the other cousins arrive.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 08:17

I think it's mil that needs talking to...

SpringIntoChaos · 07/12/2023 08:19

OP I teach 6 year olds...trust me, they know EXACTLY how many 'sleeps' it is until Santa arrives!! Not least because they've been opening their advent calendar every day, but also because of the countless 'count down' apps that many of them have on their tablets! (This was new to me last year, when about 2/3 of my class started talking about their Christmas Countdown App 🤣). Your child may not have any of these things, but many of their friends will have, and they'll all be talking about them with HIGH excitement!

Definitely override your ILs ridiculous'4pm' rule and have your normal Christmas morning!

readingmakesmehappy · 07/12/2023 08:21

We have always opened stockings first thing and presents after lunch and the Queen's speech. Never a problem to wait until then because we all knew the deal. So yes, YABU.

Cedilla · 07/12/2023 08:22

so just, instead of going in all guns blazing to insist that your family have everything on 25th as normal (and as they will hear it "sod the rest of you") just say something like "well we're going to give DC4 their stocking as usual"

@Brefugee I think this is a bit unfair actually. From everything I’ve read so far from @Tengreenbottles2 I can’t see any indication that she’s about to go in 'all guns blazing' - where has this even been suggested?

If I were the OP I’d definitely be dismayed that my excited 6-year old would potentially be expected to behave like a sensible 40-year old because a group of adults (who are way, way past the 'childlike wonder' stage of their lives) have turned the whole magic of Christmas morning into a set of dull administrative arrangements. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to query that in a gentle way.

Original poster
Tengreenbottles2 · 07/12/2023 08:26

FarEast · 07/12/2023 08:11

YABU and very selfish. The children don’t know the exact date. You’re prepared to let your SiL and her DC miss out ? She’s working FFS.

Do something else Christmas morning. A walk, a movie, even go to church. Have a nice lunch then before you know it, it’ll be 4pm.

If the children don’t know the exact date, that means postponing the whole thing until the 26th shouldn’t be a problem, no?

And I’m still not clear on how SIL’s DC would miss out by my DC opening a few presents on Christmas morning (while leaving some to open with their cousins when they arrive)? SIL’s DC are already spending most of Christmas on the train, which is already crap for them, but they won’t even know what we’re doing at home…?

OP posts:
35965a · 07/12/2023 08:29

I would just do it the way you want to and normally do. Kids aren’t stupid, lying about the date won’t work or will backfire. Just do your presents when you want, SIL can do hers when she gets there.

SabbatWheel · 07/12/2023 08:29

Dear me, I can’t believe some of these replies! I would make them wait until the others arrive and explain how much fun it’s going to be later - the build up seeing the presents under the tree will make it even more exciting! It’s one year that is different, that’s all.

Our society is fucked by this me-first ‘gotta have it NOW’ inability to wait even a SECOND for something.