AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

Our tradition is that stockings get opened on Christmas morning no matter who is there, and "under tree" presents which are from specific individuals get opened when those individuals are there, so if Aunty Susan isn’t there on Christmas morning then those gifts wait till she's back from work. No way would Aunty Susan's unavailability makecthe rest of us have a dull Christmas day waiting around for Susan's arrival. She isn't The Queen.

You aren't obliged to have a Christmas that doesn't work for you. If the plan for Christmas Day this year with this set of fanily sounds grim then do something different and spend the day with that side of the family in a year when Susan's work shifts aren't going to spoil it all.

Sorry op I’m in the minority- your title said do we think it’s a rubbish Christmas- it sounds lovely (from someone who’s family are scattered at Christmas). Talk it out with them and tell them what you’d rather but do remember it’s all difficult for your sil, you’ll all be chilling while she’s working and then trying to get there

Last year we spent Christmas abroad at the home of inlaws. My kids (2 and 3) were awake at 7 and desperate to open their presents but I insisted they waited until the wider family were up. My kids were little enough that it was doable to distract them. However, once my nieces and nephews and inlaws got up around 8, the older kids tore into their parcels without their parents or grandparents being there to watch anyway and when I tried to round up the adults to watch my kids open their presents no one came. Clearly they do things differently. So if we are back again for Christmas in the future I will just be letting my kids do what we normally do, rather than trying to fit in around everyone else.

Collude with BIL and tell them SANTA came to
your kids’ bedrooms and left them a few gifts
in a stocking and they have opened them. Nothing to do with you!! He must have realised that they would need something to open in the morning!

Really I’d just say my kid would be opening their stocking. Other presents can wait until later. ‘All the presents from Santa’ is crazy anyway.

Let the children open the santa gifts early and don't negotiate. That's not unreasonable.

Then open your own gifts and the children's gifts from family later. It's not a big deal.

We don’t normally do stockings (santa brings the big presents, as that’s how we did it when I was growing up). But that’s another idea to suggest, which could work too.

DH just agreed to everything last night as he hadn’t had time to think it through, and it was only when he got off the phone and I started asking questions that it started dawning on him what a terrible idea it is. So he has resolved to talk to them again. But I was second guessing myself as MIL and BIL obviously thought the idea was fine, so I was wondering if I was being a bit of a prima donna for thinking the kids’ presents should be prioritised. But I’m glad to see I’m not alone in thinking it would be an issue.

I think partly MIL doesn’t get it as apparently they never tried to tell their kids santa was real, they just told them he was just a story people told, so DH never actually properly believed. (She is more than happy to go along with it for her grandkids (and used to go along with it for her nieces and nephews when they were little) but I think she just doesn’t understand that it actually feels like real magic and when children truly believe, and so she doesn’t understand that it has to be done a certain way to maintain the magic).

I honestly don't get this thread.

Help! What should I do! My kids have loads of presents which we bought from hard earned money, and I do not know how to say to them "wait a bit so we can all open them together because doing special stuff together is great for everyone"! O this is killing me, my poor kids, the trauma!

What are we raising?!

Can I turn it around and look at it from the children's perspective?

Your DC and their cousin don't care if their other cousin is with them or not when they open their presents.

Their other cousin arriving later won't care if their cousins are opening presents when they are or not. They'll be enjoying their own new toys too much.

This is ALL about the grandparents wanting to watch all their grandchildren open presents at the same time.

You, BIL and SIL probably don't give a fig about all the cousins opening together. You parents just want happy children enjoying the presents they're given.

Get DH to tell the grandparents that if they want to hold back the presents from them until SIL arrives, of course they can. If they want to see all the children opening presents at the same time, of course you don't want to deny them that. But you're going to be letting your 4 year old enjoy the magic of Christmas, letting him enjoy his childlike wonder while he still has it and you've told BIL that's what you're doing.

i bet sil will have her own dc open presents before they travel

I agree that sounds crap. I'd be staying home and doing Christmas the way I want to. We decided that years ago, Christmas is for us and the kids.

TBQH It’s more like “I’ve bought presents for my own kids with my own hard-earned cash and I don’t WANT to have to make them wait all day, because I want to recreate the magic I felt as a child of waking up Christmas morning and truly believing Father Christmas had been in my room and left me presents, and making the children wait until nearly tea time would not be enjoyable for me or them, and we will still be able to open some presents all together anyway”.

I wouldn't lie. I would just say we will do our presents on boxing day.

I'd do a stocking for Christmas morning tho from Santa. You don't have to do it how they say about what Santa brings. I bet it's not their entire country who say Santa brings everything.

Yes, this is how I see it too. I suppose there is potential for jealousy when the other cousin arrives and sees his cousins playing with their new toys when he hasn’t had any yet, but I’m thinking that jealousy would last all of 20 minutes before he gets to open his presents too.

have only read OP.
Your children are too young to understand that there is One True Christmas Day and therefore everything should happen on 25th. I would push everything one day back.

Because otherwise your insistence that one small child have the christmas YOU want, a whole family of adults have to have their idea shot down in flames.

As the parent or son/daughter in that family (your in-laws) i wouldn't be amused at all and not indulging you. A small present, if you really mus, for the 4 year old would be ok on Christmas day. Otherwise YABVU

What @CornishGem1975. I gave up about three years ago trying to play the game of Christmas. I have three kids 6, nearly 4 and 1. We shut the door now for Christmas day, boxing day, new year eve and new year's day. Anything else can be booked in with family. Best decision we ever made. Kids want to sit in pyjamas, done. Kids want chocolate pancakes at 5am, done. Turkey not cooked by 2pm, who cares. No judgement (MIL), no drama, no schedules...bliss.

Yes @OhRightyThen that's exactly what we do and it's bliss. No dramas, everyone is perfectly chilled.

@Tengreenbottles2

its simple.
you go to some one else’s for Xmas you sign up to dance their tune.
want to do it your way stay at yours.

they is no issue at all waiting to open presents.

if your kids have a tantrum I would think about how you brought them up

and figure they need to be more polite and kind . As that is what it is to wait.

jeez.

I don't see why those of you already there can't open presents and then SIL and her family open theirs when they get there. Also, why can't Christmas dinner be the evening meal on Christmas Day? If SIL and co are arriving around 4 you can eat at 5 or later. Sitting round the table is the perfect way to all catch up. And whilst I'm at it, given that Christmas Day is a Monday why can't they travel over the weekend instead? I'm willing to bet any long train journey on Christmas Day is likely to be jollied up by the train company and it's staff so they'll probably have a high old time whilst you're being told to pretend it's just another day! Bonkers imho.

I agree with you - I would postpone the whole thing (or move it forward). We are doing ours on December 16th as we will be away the rest of the holidays and can't be bothered taking gifts with us. We are not religious though so the date is meaningless to us. We also celebrated Christmas in January in the past when it clashed with our plans.

I don't think lying and deception is a good strategy.

Arrive boxing day morning.

Or, if thats not an option, and mil won't budge, let mil deal with the tantrums. Direct the child to her every time they ask or whine or moan. She made the rule, she can deal with the fallout.

Your SIL is really not going to let her DC open any presents before a long drive in the car? I don't believe it for a second.

Well, Sil created this problem by her choice to come lete. The consequences of her choice are hers to manage not everyone else's to fix

This is what everyone does here. But we’re not in the UK.