AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

@Zoomom think that through.
Your DH got gifts on Christmas day and Boxing Day (can be explained by Santa delivering but kids not being there).
Yet the ILs want to drip feed your LO gifts all during December. Which takes away from the excitement of Christmas day. I'd kick back on that.
I'd say they can give their gifts either after Christmas or have them delivered under the tree on Christmas morning.

Geez this is giving me a headache. Looks like everyone is so desperate to call you a drama queen they are ignoring everything you’re saying. I think you’re right in wanting to keep the magic and need to get that across to your in laws.

I do have one question/ idea and it’ll probably all depend on wether your in laws/ you have access to transport but… is there any reason someone couldn’t go on a Christmas Eve road trip to go and get SIL and cousin? I’ve done it before to help get a dog from a rescue to an old man alone for Christmas with my mum and it was honestly one best Christmas eves I’ve had. It felt like a Christmas heist in a movie knowing that at the end it was going to absolutely make some guys year (one of the rescuers on his side of the country popped in to check on him and they were sat eating a turkey dinner together on the sofa Christmas Day 🥰).
it might seem like extra stress but stick “driving home for Christmas” on as soon as they are in the car and you’ve got one of those memories that make Christmas special ❤️

Adorable ❤️

@Nannyfannybanny spot on.

Tricky but I'm afraid my children would be opening stockings and a couple of main gifts in our bedroom in the morning....not so hard then to have to wait until the evening. I'd sneak along a little xmas tree too for the bedroom. Their plans would have been fine if everyone was there at the same time but its very unfair to expect small children to fit in around a late adult...do your thing and enjoy

My four year old knows today's date, (and will know tomorrow's and so on) that Christmas day is the 25th, and can tell you how many days until Christmas. I wouldn't attempt lying to a six year old about either the date or what day Christmas is 😆.

@Tengreenbottles2 how are you getting on in discussions with ILs.

The 6yo who's going to be there with you on Christmas morning, are you able to chat with their mum / dad directly to see what they are planning on doing?

I seriously doubt the 6yos will be leaving everything untouched until late afternoon.

Lovely idea 😁

Are you my sister?

We still do this. Works at all levels .

Don't do it op say no. You open your presents when she's there but it dissent work for us

Sorry if this has already been covered but surely if SIL’s family are waking up in their own house, Santa will leave their children’s presents under their own tree & they can open them before travelling to your MILs? Then family can exchange gifts once everyone is together.

unfortunately that won’t work as the European Father Christmas leaves ALL presents under the tree ( ie family don’t give presents al all ).. I think I’ve understood that correctly? My idea was for the “English “ Father Christmas to visit SIL that particular year and leave some “extra” presents in a stocking for SIL’s children so they could also open a few before the “main event “ with the grandparents !

He really doesn't! Not in all the families in Europe!

That’s a good point. I guess I’m not used to this whole wanting to watch people open their presents, as in my family people always sent their gifts in advance, and we opened everything on Christmas Day, no matter who we were spending it with. Our aunts and uncles never expected to be there when we opened their gifts, and we never watched them open theirs from us. Also, my parents split up when I was very young and we never did the whole “two Christmases” thing. If we were at our dad’s for Christmas, we opened all our presents with him, and spent the whole Christmas holiday with him, and vice versa on my mum’s years, so I suppose I just don’t feel this need to to open gifts all together. Not that I don’t understand it, it can be nice. Although that set up sounds frustrating for you… I feel like it would ruin the anticipation of Christmas a bit, for me anyway.

Yes, this how they usually do things, so this is the dilemma… if I say Father Christmas has been for my DD in the morning and then everyone else tells the kids he’s come in the afternoon, it will all be a bit of a mess! Although the idea of “English Santa” coming first is a good idea.

@Sugarfree23 still haven’t managed to speak to them yet 🙄

It’s deeply cultural. In some countries, like mine, there is no such thing as “santas present” and then “other peoples presents” - they are all from Santa (and yes even though the gift labels say from so and so, kids are not in the least bit clued on)

having to host my own multi cultural xmas it is give and take on traditions. It feels to me that your IL should accept opening the one gift per kid in the morning (those from you/ Santa to them) perhaps in your room, this being santas gift, and then wait for the rest of family being there.

when I first came to the U.K. I was shocked people would open their present first thing in the morning in PJs without the whole family there.

in my country origin, families turn up with all the gifts, children don’t really get to see the tree until everyone has arrived and gifts have been placed under the tree (we would close the living room) and only when we get back from church around 11-12 would the splendid magic be revealed. The children are beyond excited, the hype is real and they manage to wait! Of course they try to peak and lots of shenanigans between cousins to inspect the haul before doors are open!!! Then we all gather for bubbles and canapés and gift opening starts and lasts 1-2 hours
then we have lunch… I believe Germans do it differently and don’t open til dusk?

im not saying there’s a right and wrong there are just a lot of differences across countries! The thought of opening gifts before everyone’s arrived might be as weird to them if they see it as a “public affair” as your thought of making kids wait.

one year many moons ago my British husband got our kids to open one small present first and I was really stunned - that’s when I understood we were operating on different scripts/ expectations of xmas. But now I accept and see joy in the in between.

if everyone’s being an adult it goes a long way to listen to each party’s side of “it’s really important to me that…” because when you understand both sides’ meaning of gift opening you will find some win win solutions with empathy for each others’ traditions

now don’t get me started on foods!

good luck OP you seem flexible and will find a solution I am sure that works for your family and extended family

That sounds like a lovely tradition! But yes, it’s definitely about trying to navigate the cultural differences, which can be hard when you don’t even necessarily realise the difference exists!

Actually, the first year we spent Christmas at my IL’s house after having our first child, I did things the English way. Not to be an arse, but because it hadn’t even occurred to me that they would be doing things differently, and DH hadn’t realised English people did things differently either! So onChristmas Eve when our DD was in bed I said to my DH “I’m going to get her Santa presents out the car and put them in place” and he said “OK”, clearly thinking I meant under the tree, whereas I put them at the foot of her bed, then in the morning I just handed them to her to open while DH looked mildly bemused. Then it was my turn to look bemused after breaskfast when the IL’s told the children “look, Father Christmas has been!” and pointed to the tree, and started handing out presents from all the family, which had the child’s name but no “from” name. Then I was getting stressed saying to DH “but how do we know who they’re from? How can we thank the person?” and he was like “🤨 they’re from Father Christmas…??” The kids were 2 and 4 that year though, so they didn’t notice anything amiss.

thanks 😊 totally get it’s not always feasible 😅

Gosh I never really appreciated how many different ways people did Christmas until I read this thread!

The kids were 2 and 4 that year though, so they didn’t notice anything amiss.
Probably won't notice this year either. And if they do you can just say FC does things differently in different countries as some people like him to visit differently. Still those this is a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes I think YABU.
When I was a kid we werent allowed to open anything except whatever was in our stockings (which was things like bubble bath, notebooks, pens) until after the Queens speech. ie at 3:15pm.

And with my kids we've often delayed Christmas a few days due to their fathers work commitments.

I didnt mind as a kid, my kids have never minded. :)

OMG so he gets the credit for all your gifts! That sounds awful.
I would say let your kids have their gifts when they get up, the others can do their opening later if that’s what they want. It actually spreads the fun that way.
I had similar one year when my sister & mum announced after the kids were in bed that they were going to church in the morning & presents would be after that. There was no way I could do that to my 2 with no prep, so we just went ahead and had our whilst they were out. It was one of a few things that I struggled with that Xmas & I’ve just decided I’ll never spend Xmas with them again.

In our family (by which I mean this is how I decided to explain it to my children) we have two sorts of presents at Christmas. The ones Father Christmas brings - and the ones we swap with people we love.
So when they get up, they have those left for them by FC and after lunch we have the presents from under the tree, which are for everyone, not just the children - the ones from us to them, those we are giving to grandparents etc. They are a part of the giving as well as the receiving - and it spreads out the excitement!

So in this scenario I would be clear my children would be opening their presents from FC when they get up - otherwise what are they meant to do all day anyway?! I would be happy to wait to do all the other presents.

We had a slight variant of that in our house which was that we kids got all our presents from Santa and they were waiting for us in the living room in the morning, then we swapped family presents in the afternoon, when my grandparents arrived. However some of the Santa stuff was quite major and, as as far as I can recall, we did not get family presents from our parents. This never seemed odd to me, I think I always knew deep down that Santa presents were some sort of Santa/ parents collaboration, but my husband feels strongly that our DS should get present(s) expressly from us as well as from Santa.

The interesting thing about a European idea of Father Christmas/[insert local name here]leaving all the presents under the tree is that it means the kids don’t learn the giving side of Christmas, whereas we always make sure that DS is involved in choosing presents for others and the act of giving, or chatting afterwards about why person X got a certain gift for person Y. That’s pretty important isn’t it?

(I do remember that we as kids were expected to give presents to our parents despite the Santa thing I explained above).

I don't think we can generalise how whole counties do Santa. There is variation within the UK. There is variation within the same families.

A couple come together each with their variation of Santa and make their version.

I grew up with everything inc Stockings in the living room, DH had them in the Bedroom.
I prefer the living room because one year we had them up stairs, One of the kids was quiet young had tears because they thought the stocking was IT. And Santa failed to bring whatever his hearts desire was.