AIBU to think this sounds like a rubbish Christmas Day?

[Tengreenbottles2]

We have a 4 year old and a baby. This year we are spending Christmas with the in-laws (they live in a different EU country). DH’s bro and sis will be there, with their kids (both aged 6). The massive fly in the ointment this year is, my SIL couldn’t come on the 24th due to work, so she she’s travelling up on the 25th with her partner and child, arriving at MIL’s around 4pm. It has therefore been decided that we won’t open presents until DSIL and co arrive, at around 4pm. We’ll then have our proper full Christmas Dinner on the 26th.

Am I being a consumeristic spoilt drama queen who is raising my children to be consumeristic spoilt drama queens, or does that sound like a really shit plan when you’ve got little kids?

It had apparently been proposed that we could potentially lie to the children and tell them it’s Christmas Eve on the 25th, and act as though it’s Christmas Day on the 26th, but that idea was rejected for some reason (I wasn’t involved in the conversations so I’m not sure why - it sounds like the ideal solution to me).

Another idea I have thought of would be to let the children open a couple of presents when they wake up and then open the rest when SIL and co arrive.

I can just hear the tantrums now, when our DC wake up on the 25th to be told “yes, Father Christmas has been, but don’t you dare touch those presents!”. I am struggling to think of a way of selling it to her. (There’s also the fact that I think it sounds a bit rubbish for the adults too… Just doing nothing all day until 4pm, and the kids won’t even be distracted with their new toys…)

AIBU to insist and say the proposed plan doesn’t work for us and we want to either do Christmas on the 26th, or let the children open a few presents on Christmas morning? Or am I being materialistic and selfish and we should just go with the flow?

I actually think celebrating on the 26th is the best idea, it could be possible to convince them. Could you get replica advent calendar’s and push it back a day once they finish school? I think your 4yo would be very easy to convince so it would just be the 6 year olds.

If this isn’t an option at all then I think staying near by would be better. You could give your DC the presents you want to and then save some for later. If this is not possible then I would definitely let them open some presents in the morning. It’s yours and your DC Christmas too and they can’t dictate how you spend it.

What does your DH say? He needs to say something and be firm.

Last year we had trouble making our children (then 4.5 and 1.5) wait for an hour, let alone the whole day! We stayed at MIL’s, kids were up at 7 (which was good going I thought 😂) and we let then open their stockings while waiting for SIL and her kids who live next door. They arrived at 8:30 and that hour felt like the longest of my life, with the kids going crazy because “SANTA’S BEEN!!!” and us trying to explain we had to wait for their cousins (who are teenagers and I doubt cared either way as long as they got left alone with their presents), then SIL arrives and looks a bit miffed that we let them start on the stockings. She knows their usual wake up time and surely not that many kids under 5 seriously sleep past 8am on Christmas Day? I wish mine did but no such luck 😂 Anyway all this to say IANBU, open at least some presents in the morning OP, it will be a living hell otherwise!

I think you need to speak to sil directly- how is she going to get round a car full of presents without her kids realizing?
Or don't her kids do Father Christmas?

If all of them think Father Christmas brings all the presents you and sil have a big problem- no way will your or hers be happy!

A good compromise would be both lots of kids get to open some presents, then save some to open together.

Who exactly decided that your DC's wouldn't open presents until sil arrives ?
What does your dh say about it. And who thought up the bit about lying to kids about the dates

When I was little my dad would often work Christmas Day until around 2pm, we would wait until he got home to open our presents. We would however be allowed to open our stocking and one present that would keep us occupied for a few hours until he was home.

When we opened presents would depend on where we were. If just us at home, we'd open them after breakfast. If we went to grandparents, it would often be after lunch. I remember the agony of waiting until the table had been properly cleared, dishes done, then the adults would all want a cup of tea before they sat down, and FINALLY we could open presents!

I think kids could wait - but have a game/puzzle/walk/movie planned for the morning, and make sure that they know in advance. Also, if you do stockings, they have to be done first thing - we would open ours before going in to our parents.

I definitely wouldn’t lie.

We do stockings in the morning and tree presents in the afternoon and it’s fine- never been a source of upset. In your shoes I’d just say to mil that her plan sounds fine and that you’ll bring a small stocking for DC to open first thing as well as that’s the English tradition. Maybe offer to bring one for your nephew as well.

OP, I come from Spain and most kids these days open presents on 2 different days.

Traditionally, Chritsmas' presents were put under the tree/nativity set on the night of the 5th January - Los Reyes Magos or Epiphany. With Santa being such a global phenomenon, most parents with young kids divide the presents - some are put under the tree to be open on the 25th and some on the 6th of January.

As people have suggested, your kids should be opening their presents on the 25th. The baby is too young to understand but your 4 year old will understand the rest of the presents Santa left under the tree are for auntie, cousins and the rest of the family who couldn't open them in time. An explanation like "Santa is wonderful and wants "insert name of your children" to open your presents without having to wait". She'll understand those presents are not for her and happily play with her own.

My other suggestion is to reserve a couple of small gifts or buy something cheap extra to put under the tree on the 26th so your 4 year old doesn't feel like everyone is having a present and she doesn't. She way too young to understand she already had hers.

Oh god this just reminds me of one of my first Christmas’ with my usually lovely in-laws. SIL & family (teenaged children) couldn’t make it to us until Boxing Day so we were forbid from opening any presents until then, and there was no festive food or acknowledgment of Christmas at all, it was very much treated like a regular bog standard day.

Fortunately it was pre-kids for us, but even as an adult I found it pretty miserable. The icing on the cake was finding out my in-laws had got stockings for each other “so they had a little something to open on the day” after they’d told us we couldn’t just save family presents for opening together. Of course SIL & family hadn’t kept all their presents for Boxing Day either, so it basically turned into everyone awkwardly watching DH & I opening all our presents on the day instead. DH & I still joke about it now, it was hands down the worst Christmas for both of us.

We always did presents under the tree late afternoon after our meal but stockings when we woke up

Could you make up a stocking with colouring books and pens, scrap book stickers play doh, a puzzle etc for your child as a compromise for her to open first thing. Each item individually wrapped so she has something to open and things to do? Incorporate your traditions and do not be dictated to and have an upset child all day just to suit what the grown ups want. Its not just your pil Christmas. Your sil has chosen not to be there on the day so she should be fitting in around the majority.

Where on Earth are they travelling from on Xmas day that they won’t get to you until 4pm?! Or have they potentially already got plans in the morning and are fibbing about it? Sitting around all day waiting for someone to arrive before presents, and then not even having your Xmas meal sounds rubbish. What are you going to do all day?
Do Xmas day as normal then have a second meal the day after when SIL arrives. If she arrives…

Good luck with the 6-yr olds, who'll already be turning purple by about 0530h!
And no, "Santa's coming some time late afternoon, depending on traffic" won't wing it.
You say SIL is "travelling up" - where from? Somewhere by car? Does it take 8 hours? Or does she just not want to be inconvenienced/is having her own early morning Xmas before leaving?

Could you do stockings for all children who are there? I think it’s fine for you to do things that are part of your traditions. So your child and the 6 year old who are there both get that in the morning. Then all main presents are in the afternoon?

if not are you able to go out and do something really special in the morning that will distract the children from looking at all the presents etc!!

TBH, I don't think there's sny way anyone should be telling you how to do christmas gifts, and I wouldn't accept anyone telling me how my kids could open their gifts, especially when it would mean leaving gift opening until that late on in the day.

In our house, santa brings the small sack of gifts (were talking stocking sized TBH)
Which is filled with smaller stuff, other bigger bits we will transport to PILs the week before Christmas and the kids will open during the day with PILs present.
That's more of an "us" idea than anyone else's though.

No, I would let children open their presents when they wake up and the adults can wait until the afternoon if they want to.

I would just laugh if they suggest anything else, say that’s not happening or else keep one small gift back for your child to open with the adults if they were really wanting it their way.

Your family traditions count too. Don’t be tying yourself into a pretzel trying to please them. It’s your Christmas too.

can't they open the stocking presents in the morning but leave the family presents till the afternoon ?

If you are driving to MIL’s not flying, then I would delay travelling by a day so that you can have your own Christmas Day tradition at home with your children, then take family presents with you to be opened when you get there on the 26th in time for the big meal.
It depends how far the journey is as to whether this is viable.

Each of the three families will have their own way of doing things. It’s a kind thought of MIL to delay it all for the sake of the one grandchild, but with young children only focused on Santa, it’s just not practical to keep some of them them waiting.
So if the SIL who is arriving late, isn’t prepared to be the one to make the compromise, then it’s best each family does their own thing and comes together later.

I know that will be sad for MIL who just wants all her children back home under one roof for Christmas and to see all her grandchildren open presents together. If I were in her shoes, I would fully understand the difficulty and be prepared to do anything to make it work well for everybody. I would suggest delaying the meal until the last one arrived at 4pm on the 25th, but expect that Santa presents were opened by then for the two families waking up there….and family presents could be opened after the meal all together.

To be fair, MIL doesn’t understand that the solution won’t work well for your family as your DH agreed it but obviously hadn't thought it through and you weren’t consulted, so that now, it has to all be revisited and discussed again to find a solution that works for all.

Each family has to do what works best for their children.

Exactly.

when I was a child we did stockings when we woke up then presents after lunch, so often around 3ish. I loved it because it kept the excitement going all day. Haven’t been able to keep the tradition with my own kids though!
Maybe something like that would work though - presents stay until SIL arrives but have stockings in the morning? They can be filled with lots of little things that will keep kids those ages occupied & happy

All of the kids should be able to open their presents from Santa on Christmas morning when they wake up (i.e. the 25th December).

Tbh in this situation if a relative disagreed with me I would leave them to do their thing, but I'd be letting my kids open their presents.

If one child has to wait because they're travelling then they can have theirs when they get there. You can't expect a house full of kids to wait all day for one child to arrive.

Stockings on Xmas morning. Open a few other presents later. But I admit to being of working class descent and opening everything in the morning is the tradition. You only get a few years of them waking believing Santa has been and I wouldn’t have anyone saying my kids couldn’t open anything in the morning.

SIL is coming up from the south of the country (MIL is in the north), and they’re coming by train, so then will have to be picked up from the train station about 45 minutes’ drive away, so that’s why they’re getting there so late. I think they’re leaving theirs about 7 or 8 in the morning. Tbh if it was me I would’ve stayed at home with the kids, but I admire her commitment…

So they’re bringing all their presents on the train, although I have noticed that in their family, kids seem to get far fewer presents than I’m used to seeing. We’re already going to have to leave half our presents at home to open after the trip (all the presents from my side of the family) as we can’t fit it all in the car.

This is for your dh to manage the conversation with your in-laws but I would say you put some presents ie ones from you in stockings and do them in your room or the kids room Xmas day morning and do the the rest with family when they arrive. I'd explain to kids that you are having two present openings because otherwise sil and dc would miss out. Ignore any negativity from in-laws.

We had this when children were young. We put their Santa presents in our bedroom and stocking too. We had a special morning with them. After lunch we all opened parcels from one another that were under the tree. My relatives kids still had their Santa gifts to open .