Not going to work party as DH can't come

[LimaLoo]

This year my office has changed up the Christmas party system.
There are about 60 of us at the London office all in, and usually each team plans its own night out or meal. This year they have decided we are having a "proper party" and rented a boat with drinks etc. It's next Thursday.
Each team is getting pizza in the office, and doing secret Santa exchanges then an early finish so people can come home and get ready, then the party on the boat, everyone has a +1, so I was taking my husband. However now my parents can't babysit so DH would have to stay home.
I'm now thinking, the pizza and secret Santa in the office is enough of a celebration for me, I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.
I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?

I've always found a +1 at that kind of event an inconvenience - they don't know anyone, can't spend time with colleagues in the same way.
Plus someone else inevitably turns up with an odious +1 who gets embarrassingly drunk/rowdy/lecherous/racist - or all four.

to be fair, I generally find +1s a waste of space.

Stuck on a boat with a load of people you don't know, sounds horrible but don't say 'my husband can't come so I can't' or they will think you are incapable of making any decisions yourself and this won't help what colleagues think of you. Just say 'babysitter let us down, can't get a replacement, but have a fab time'.

FWIW i worked at a place for 20 years where we had a christmas party where not only were partners invited but also children. Activities were laid on for the children (crafts and food and dancing) and for the adults there was a great buffet, dancing and fantastic raffle prizes.

I started there when my DCs weren't even Kindergarten age, and by the time I left they were no longer coming every year (but they were still invited) and they are still in touch with some of my colleagues' kids even though they only saw each other once a year and are all now adults.

And the one year my DH couldn't come my mum was visiting so i said I'd go alone, and the boss invited her so my kids could come and she could get to see my colleagues.

It was one of the best events of the year, i really miss it, tbh. My DH loved it too, and all the partners used to have a right old time together.

We don't run out of them, especially now we've found that Home Bargains noit far away sell them much cheaper than Waitrose. We aren't completely rigid! They are just our biscuit choice for the last month or so. We also like Malted Milk, Rich Tea, and McVitie's gingernuts.

You are right that people don't tend to die at the same time, but, to use your word, perhaps it would be 'unhealthy' to dwell on that inescapable fact? And 'healthy' to live our lives the way we want to?

Anyhow, we don't spend all of our time together. Just the evenings. They are our special time.

My work parties have never been with a +1

If you don't want to go, don't go.

but if this happens, does it not send a message that people don't really want to go and don't like to say so? And social committees in a work place????? do they also organise the coming out party and the cotillion ball???

I've never been on a boat party, but I don't like the idea of it for a works do. You'd be unable to leave early if you feel you're done for the night or move on somewhere else with a few workmates who you actually like.

In reality there will be some people without plus one for various reasons: busy, childcare, just not up to it, etc so you being without DH won’t be so unusual.

I think your reasoning is very strange, and Im not fan of parties so don’t tell this anyone, invent another reason: health, babysitter, early meeting next morning etc.

By the way I wouldn’t go if there was no option to leave when you fancied to leave but I wouldn’t put this as a reason for not going either.

Were you looking forward to it and if you were, was it as a night out with your DH or as a night out with your colleagues? If the former then I would not go.

You are an adult and consequently you don't actually have to do things you don't feel like doing.
IMO works parties are for young people to get pissed, flirt and dance and once these things don't appeal to you any more there is really very little point in going to them, unless you need to network and schmooze senior management.

Blimey my last plus one at a Christmas party was in 1989.

Um, ok. But it’s a bit drippy to not be able to attend purely because your husband can’t go now.

Which isn’t the reason she doesn’t want to go if you read the OP.

OP literally said it "I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?"

But really, OP, just say "thanks but no thanks" and leave it at that.

Sorry I genuinely thought it was a pisstake. It was unbearably smug.

Oh god, who wants to drag their husband to a work event, and spend all night hosting him around a bunch of strangers!?

Don't worry too much... DH and I are aware we're a bit 'odd', shall I say? But we like it! The kids take after us too... our son excitedly told us he had a met a lovely girl who 'isn't even a bit normal'.

Well they don't know what the issue is if people accept and then don't turn up. They should decline the invitation if they don't want to go and if things change they should let the organiser know so that numbers can be adjusted.

If they don't want to go to an optional event there's no pressure it is fine, but dropping out without saying is rude and wasteful.

As for your surprise about work social committees, pretty much every place I have worked as an adult has had a social committee to organise Christmas parties and other events. Over the years, theatre trips, Christmas shopping excursions, summer BBQ, pub quizzes, sports matches against other local companies, beer festivals, a safari park trip, the ballet, the panto. It is great, good fun, normally discounted or subsidised and a nice opportunity to socialise with your colleagues.

so lame id just go or take a friend

As for your surprise about work social committees, pretty much every place I have worked as an adult has had a social committee to organise Christmas parties and other events. Over the years, theatre trips, Christmas shopping excursions, summer BBQ, pub quizzes, sports matches against other local companies, beer festivals, a safari park trip, the ballet, the panto. It is great, good fun, normally discounted or subsidised and a nice opportunity to socialise with your colleagues.

My company is getting into all this and it’s my idea of hell but I keep getting told what good fun it is. Yes it would be if I was doing it through choice but I hate this forced fun, being pressured into going thing. Last time I worked rather than go and hopefully I’ll be able to do the same for the next one.

I love spending time with DH and do at least 300 nights a year. I also love going out on my own.

I dont/wont go to any social function without my partner. (Unless its single specific, like hen night etc) Hes my favorite person and i enjoy spending free time with him, but i do enjoy socialising so we generally end up chatting in seperate groups. We are both free and able to go out alone if we want to.
You wouldn't be unusual choosing to stay home.

Im baffled by the amount of people who clearly dislike their partners

I’m baffled by the number of posters who are so clearly dependent on their partner that they can’t spend any time away from them

i assume these are the standard MN posters who don’t have any friends and don’t see the value in having them

I’m baffled by the number of posters who can’t read the OP.

The issue is that she doesn’t want to be out late with a bunch of people she doesn’t really like or know.

It’s also on a boat so she can’t even come home when she fancies.

I’m baffled by your lack of basic reading comprehension.