Not going to work party as DH can't come

[LimaLoo]

This year my office has changed up the Christmas party system.
There are about 60 of us at the London office all in, and usually each team plans its own night out or meal. This year they have decided we are having a "proper party" and rented a boat with drinks etc. It's next Thursday.
Each team is getting pizza in the office, and doing secret Santa exchanges then an early finish so people can come home and get ready, then the party on the boat, everyone has a +1, so I was taking my husband. However now my parents can't babysit so DH would have to stay home.
I'm now thinking, the pizza and secret Santa in the office is enough of a celebration for me, I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.
I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?

You don't like your team so really this was just a fun night out with DH so I see why you don't want to go. I probably wouldn't tell your team though that you don't want to go because you don't want to spend more time with them.

You're right Snorer, none of us like our husbands. That's why it's possible for us to go out with our fitness occasionally alone. Because we're not as in love as you and DH. No doubt I'll be planning my divorce after I go to the next works do whilst DH has the kids and he then goes to his whilst I have the kids. Terrible supportive marriage we're in!!

Just say that you can’t get a babysitter.

What a weird comment. Sorry you don't like our ways. Do real peoples' lives always seem 'laid on too thick' to you? Do you lack a theory of mind?

Tbf I thought that was a piss taking post myself.

yabu. It's your works xmas do, nothing to do with your DH, who you spend the rest of your life with. I'd lose all respect for someone who used that excuse. better to not go because you don't like parties or boats or somesuch, but to not go because you can't bring DH is pretty pathetic. i adore my DH and met him at work long ago, but never taken each other to work do's since as they're for socialising with work people.

Maybe I've got this wrong, but I don't think that the issue is the OP can't cope without her husband, but that everyone else will have their partner there so if she goes alone she's going to be a bit of a third wheel, with people she doesn't really like that much.

It's not going to be an opportunity to socialise with work colleagues much because they will all have their partners / +1 with them.

I wouldn't go to an event alone where everyone else was going as a couple or with a +1, and I especially wouldn't go if I didn't really like those people in the first place.

In this situation OP I would either take a friend in your DH's place, find a colleague I like who is also going alone and sort of buddy up, or not go.

just because i like spending time with my husband doesn’t make me ‘that girl’ and im the least anxious person you could meet?

I guess if it is the kind of party where it's 'we're giving you the treat of this posh boat trip' rather than 'let's get together and have fun' people might be taking advantage of it as 'date night'. However I still wouldn't say I didn't want to come because my husband wasn't coming. You don't have to go though.

saraclara · Yesterday 22:49

I'd try to come up with a less wussy excuse, in your position”

OP doesn’t need an “excuse”. I don’t want to is reason enough.

We always have plus 1s for our Christmas Party and it's always a lot of fun going with DH. I'd find it a bit more dull without him there, but then I would still go. We were almost in the same position actually as we've only just managed to sort a babysitter for this year's party.

Oh God! It's the absolute truth! We must be the weird ones! We love our little world.

I went out with my work colleagues last week. We didn’t talk about anything of what you mentioned. In fact we laughed so much that we had tears rolling.

This weekend I’m spending with my dh, we’ll have a great time too. I know I’m priviliged to be able to do both. Sorry you’re not.

What I don't understand is why so many posters are having an issue with the OP going to party on his own when she said this in her opening post:

I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.

It's a Christmas' party. It's not a work commitment she needs to attend. If she doesn't want to without her DH, that's her right to do as she wants. Once she lets her office know she's not attending - that's it.

The only mistake the OP has made is asking a bunch of strangers on MumsNet if she's unreasonable for not attending without her husband. She is not unreasonable, most of us will do whatever the fuck we want without asking.

What a whole heap of drama over nothing.

Of course everyone knows it's OP right to not attend.

But it is a bit weird that OP doesn't like any of her colleagues enough to attend a work Christmas dinner without her husband.

I'm teetotal and still show my face at these events because unfortunately these things still do matter in showing you're a 'team player'.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Honestly, I wouldn't be doing an afternoon pizza/secret santa party then coming all the way home and then going back into Central London for more party. I'd rather go to bed - but I'm rather boring (and tired).

Just say that childcare has fallen through. It's no big deal. I only do work events that are enjoyable, especially if it takes up my free time. Christmas party at friend/colleagues home - yes! it was fun. A few years ago, work away day was going sculling on the Thames - uh, no, not my vibe!

It's totally fine and normal to go without partners (never had any works do that involved inviting partners for dh or I), but you never have to do to anything you don't want to. So go if you want or don't. Both fine.

Is it weird not liking your colleagues? I've worked for 40 years and I count the number of colleagues I've liked. Colleagues are not friends, they are people you work with.

As to being a team player for attending a Christmas' party, that's a lot of crap. You are a team player at work for communicating with your colleagues to complete tasks, managing them and attain certain goals.

Not for attending a fucking Christmas' party.

well surely that sends a message to management too? "We don't want to go to a works christmas party but don't want to tell you upfront."

You don't have to go but FFS don't say its because your DH can't go or you'll sound like a complete wet wipe.

Fine to decline but use a different excuse.

You don't want to be seen as one of those people who will wont
socialise without their partner.

It's not weird. It's just the way you've worded the exact routine is. What happens if you run out of Abernethy biscuits. Just have an extra hobnob?

I like spending time with my husband, but I like time away from him as well. It's not healthy to spend all of your time with your OH imo. People don't tend to die at the same time.

^^ this. I always got on well with my co workers but when I retired, that was that. If I meet them in the supermarket or whatever we say hi how are you but work colleagues don't have to be "friends" and I never wanted to socialise with them or insist on out of hours group events when I was a manager.

yep. Less (explanation) is more.

Just don't go. Why go into all the explanations about how you can't do anything away from your DH? and make yourself look less of an independent adult woman who can hold down a job and more like a sidekick with no story of their own.

To be a bit blunt.

why not?

Your excuse is a bit pathetic so I probably wouldn’t admit that’s why you aren’t going to people. Personally I’d still go as it sounds like a fun event.