Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

Yes, this sounds quite U on your son’s part and if you’ll forgive me saying so, if his GF is expecting that sort of thing then she doesn’t sound like the nicest person ever.
My ex’s parents unexpectedly bought me some very little, stocking-filler presents (notebook and some pencils). They thought of me, included me in their Christmas celebrations and I still feel guilty that their son dumped me when I think of that. It really is the thought that counts if anyone is halfway decent.

Given she likes your last gift so much, would she even like the perfume gift?

Your son is crazy to say she wouldn't like anything else and her reaction to your last gift proves it.

I'm stuck on ideas to help though. Accessories for the bear she obviously loves?

Think you should just tell son to get his gf the perfume and get her something lesser cost and more appropriate?

I never had this problem with ex's parents, I remember his mother getting me a cerise dress once which I was a bit horrified at as that colour doesn't suit me at all 😆

I would stick to my budget and send her a gift card towards the perfume. Cheeky as!

I'd stick to my guns and get something within my budget. If you bend, you're setting yourself to always buy expensive gifts for her and then your other kids will complain you don't spend that much on their partners. I'd never ask for something that expensive from my in laws and I've been married 16 years!

No chance. He’s having a giggle.
I would spend about £10 in this case and even that in my eyes is generous.

Buy her a gift within your price range - even if its not something she "wants" or indeed likes... Stuff the £200 perfume. She would be getting a Sanctuary gift set from boots for £25

If you do the perfume and he sends you the difference; you're enabling, and you're also creating an issue for next year and the following.. what happens when he doesn't send the difference and she expects a £300 present "as usual"? nope

My husband and I don't have particularly high paying jobs (he is NMW and I'm just over) so financially we wouldn't be in a position to do this but even if we could there is no way I would. We have one DS and his Xmas budget is around £150. We then spend about £25 each on my niece and parents.

In this situation it’s not the gf’s fault

I wouldn’t buy gifts with a £200 price tag tbh even if he was putting the difference towards it.

just because that wouldn’t be a gift from me really

just be honest, tell him no

ask him to select something else she’d like in budget and if he can’t/wont then buy a voucher to somewhere that sells said gift and she can put the money too herself or buy something else in that store

Is DS also buying you and DH presents to the tune of £200?! Because I doubt it!

Don’t let him try to look flash at your expense, buy her a nice Oodie the same colour as her Build a Bear!

"She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!" @BeforeNew

Id guess not, from those circles especially if your quite wealthy, that said to the average person then its unusual, but it depends on your circle of friends and their income etc.

Stick to your budget.
It is fair that all partners get the same.

I suggest a meal out at a local restaurant close to you; your DS and his girlfriend could meet at your place first.
Your DS can be pretentious but you should be yourself, welcoming and honest and fair.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a very rich person to only have certain kinds of v expensive perfume.

Stick to your budget but get a different gift. Like €60 very expensive nice chocolates kind of things, very expensive nice showee gel, whatever.

She is allowed to pick her standards, you are allowed to pick your budget.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a very rich person to only have certain kinds of v expensive perfume
Nobody had suggested this is unreasonable 😂

No way that's an obscene amount for a perfume! I spend £200 on my kids including all stocking stuff etc but no one else. My parents spend about £30 on me and my husband each. I would never expect anyone to spend that much.

I'd agree, if she agrees to get her Dad to tell you were they've hidden their Nazi gold.

Woah that's a cheeky ask. My MIL doesn't even get me anything half the time.

These are very well known niche brands- I would maybe go for something with a similar vein like this one
https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Reminiscence/Guimauve-22324.html

Presumably she eats at expensive restaurants with your son? How about a joint present of a voucher for a 1 Michelin star restaurant ...you can have a tasting menu in some that would be covered by £200 ..for both of them, depending on where they live.

I would buy a gift card from Harrods or Selfridges for the amount you are willing to spend and she can put it towards the perfume or something else .

Definitely not

how about a luxury body wash? Everyone washes and one for around £30 is a nice treat!

As your budget can stretch to £100 you could also get the MFK A' la Rose scented Hair Mist or the Hair and Body cleansing gel which are £70 or the Body lotion for £85. I wouldn't get a random gift as suggested by others like products from the Sanctuary etc. Buy a product from the line that she actually likes and she would use, or a Gift Card (in your budget)from a retailer that stocks her perfume. I like what I like and often it comes with an expensive price tag but I don't expect it as a gift from others (and I am sure she doesn't either). On the other hand though I'd rather get a gift card/chocolate/handmade biscuits than something random that I don't like and would not use.

Huh? Buy something she doesn't like? What a fantastic waste of money. Also shows no thought. Who buys some random shite with no care if the recipient likes it or not. You've missed the whole point of gift buying. You are supposed to put some thought into it. And that doesn't have to cost a fortune

Yanbu, that’s a lot of money. But don’t take it out on gf as your Son said she probably wouldn’t want anything else - not her - and she might be horrified he told you that as gospel truth. Give her the benefit of the doubt. As for how much they spend on others that has nothing to do with you, and if you’ve shown a good example as it seems like you would that’s his own mistake (or not depending on the person).

I would buy her build a bear a Christmas outfit…
or simply yell your son that you don’t spend anywhere near that much on the other partners and it’s just ridiculous to suggest it!
he should get her the perfume!