Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

[Snowyscapes]

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

For him to learn and mature he will need to face the consequences of his actions.

I understand your fear, but rationally you know it is unfounded. So in a way, if you don’t address this you are putting your own anxieties ahead of what’s best for your DS.

Do you know where he works? I would try calling there. Yes you need to inform the insurers.

I understand your fears, but you need to notify the insurance company. He's already written off 2 cars this year - what happens if he has an RTC in this third one? What if he injured someone else?

Unfortunately he's an adult and he will have to face the consequences of his actions.

if he’s defaulting on the policy then he’ll be driving without insurance anyway. Contact the insurance company and just say you know nothing about the policy

I think you need to prioritse here. Your son is a danger to himself and others, he has already had at least 2 crashes that you know of. He is driving uninsured. At a minimum you need to tell the insurance company. You worry about a risk of suicide if he can no longer drive, although he has never expressed any suicidal tendency. How would you feel if he kills himself or someone else whilst driving uninsured and you had done nothing to try and stop him? Both scenarios are horrible to contemplate, but the latter seems more likely and you can do something to prevent. You must be worried sick.

This is really awful, my heart goes out to you. I think he needs to face reality, call the insurance company and don’t get dragged down by him.

Do not bail him out again. It a mistake long term to do this, he needs to face up to what he has done and if you save him again he will only do it again and worse. It’s a tale as old as time.

All the very best to you x

You can't afford to have him do this to you - you have to protect yourself.

Call the insurance company, say you know nothing, if he gave them your card details initially then that's fraud.

YANBU. You need to protect yourself and your livelihood, so report it to the insurance company promptly.

He's also learned nothing from your previous steps to protect him, so this may be the beginning of his realisation he can’t get away with this.

What happens when he’s ruined your credit and spent all your money?

You call the company and tell. He's a grown up and he needs to accept the consequences. If he has an accident he is uninsured so huge implications. If you don't tell them, now that you know, then you are aiding and abetting a criminal offence so could affect you more than just your credit rating.

get on the phone and sort it now. He is making these choices and not giving a shit about you - he is going NC or VLC and doesn't give a shit, cut the ties

Have you checked your credit file to see if he’s taken any other credit out in your name?

If it was my son .at 21 doing this ,
I'd think 21 is still very young in the great scheme of things ,and I'd try hard to make sure I didn't cause him more stress.
I doubt he is doing this to deliberately cause the op stress ,he just is clearly struggling with money ,and making mistakes as young people do
I'd do everything I could to keep him out of trouble, without getting myself in to trouble.
I'd be trying to find him ,there must be a way,a friend of a friend must know where he is

I would contact the insurance company and say what you posted, you know nothing about the policy and it has nothing to do with you and they should take action to correct it as its clearly an error on someone's part, and follow-up with a letter signed for with proof received that they got it. If it was your son, he will need to clear up on his own and you've done the right thing, if there is some true but wild story that it wasn't him, then clearly you've done the right thing.

You aren't helping him by repeatedly bailing him out and protecting him from the consequences of his actions. You need to report this. Whatever happens to him is a result of his own decision to commit fraud.

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

Please don't 'give it a week'. You must cancel it or you could end up with CCJs or being done for fraud. Son needs to learn. Sorry you have this trouble.

At 21 you are an adult. A young adult, but one who should know the difference between right and wrong.

At 21 I was married, living on our own, holding down a job and getting a graduate degree. I don't get why people excuse daft things based on age, they are still daft. I say don't drop him in it but don't expose yourself to the many potential financial hazards of doing nothing and if it has already been letters plural, time is of the essence!

I would absolutely contact the Insurer and confirm that you do not have that car and have not taken out insurance. They will cancel it. Ask them about how you make sure it does not impact you.
The rest of it is inevitable consequences for your son who seems determined to find out the hard way.

He's currently driving uninsured, if he has another accident (pretty likely given he's written off two cars in short order) then he'll likely end up with a criminal conviction and quite possibly jail time. He's 21 and an adult in the eyes of the law - the legal system will not consider his age to be a mitigant. The choices he has made are such that his mother can no longer shelter him without facing severe (possibly criminal) consequences herself. There really isn't much of a middle ground here, particularly if he's cut ties with OP.

You need to treat this like it's anyone and put the fact that he's your son to one side OP.

Then you can fret about your credit score because he's fucking that if it goes to debt collectors.

I'd ring them now and tell them. Stop wiping his arse and make him face consequences for a change.