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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

231 replies

Snowyscapes · 06/12/2023 11:12

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

OP posts:
TisTheTreasonTo · 06/12/2023 21:09

I can only imagine that in the event of an accident he was planning to put in the claim as if you were the driver.
I must admit, that thought occurred to me too. Can you check how to apply for a policy online? I seem to remember having to provide a copy of my driving licence for our insurance, so how did he do that? Has he taken a copy?

Bluebellsbells · 06/12/2023 21:20

I suggest you get credit karma. It's a free app that you can see if anyone tries to take out a loan, insurances, credit cards etc in your name and your credit score.

I got this when I was targeted by scammers. If he can do this with car insurance, what else is he capable of doing?

BarbaraofSeville · 06/12/2023 21:24

I've never provided a copy of my driving licence to an insurance company. I assume they can check it online as they have your name, address and DoB.

Sounds like he just wanted to make sure his car was insured so it wouldn't get picked up as uninsured by ANPR cameras.

But if he had an accident it would all come unstuck pretty quickly as presumably the other party would notice he was a young man and not a middle aged woman.

The police might also notice, we were watching one of those Police Camera Action shows once and they were out with traffic police. A car went by and they said just that 'that car's insured for a 50 YO female driver, yet it's been driven by a young lad'. They pulled them and it was the woman's son being taught by his dad. He got 6 points for driving without insurance and a ban before he'd even passed his test.

Snugglemonkey · 06/12/2023 23:14

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:49

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

Like what? There is no middle ground.

busstopbingo · 06/12/2023 23:44

OP it's possible to put a password on your credit file. This would stop anyone else taking out credit in your name without the password, not 100% sure how it's done but it's a thing I've seen working in a bank. If you get in touch with Experian they can definitely do it

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/12/2023 00:05

I changed my car insurer just this week and entering my driver license number was optional.

saoirse31 · 07/12/2023 07:37

Well done op. You've done the best thing for you and your ds.

Member984815 · 07/12/2023 08:16

I know it sounds harsh but I'd report him for this , I'd also try to find out if your name has been used to obtain anything else. The fact you can't contact him says to me that he knows he's done wrong but doesn't want to face it . He needs to face it .

Wheresthebeach · 07/12/2023 09:11

So he's been driving uninsured ? But put your name as the driver? Can you imagine the world of pain you'd be in if he'd had an accident and you got the blame. Untangling that would be a nightmare and I doubt he'd come clean.

You really have no choice but to protect yourself OP. Heart breaking for you but he has to be stopped.

ilikemethewayiam · 07/12/2023 11:00

Update: I couldn't get through via phone and after 30mins was cut off so am currently 40mins into the chat and they are completing a fraud form :( Apparently fraud team will contact me tomorrow

This was a really tough thing for you to have to do OP. My heartbreaks for you but remember, he left you with absolutely no choice. You are not responsible for any fall out. He is. I get that you will feel guilt about doing it so please take care of yourself 💐

ConsistentlyElectrifiedElves · 07/12/2023 11:15

BarbaraofSeville · 06/12/2023 21:24

I've never provided a copy of my driving licence to an insurance company. I assume they can check it online as they have your name, address and DoB.

Sounds like he just wanted to make sure his car was insured so it wouldn't get picked up as uninsured by ANPR cameras.

But if he had an accident it would all come unstuck pretty quickly as presumably the other party would notice he was a young man and not a middle aged woman.

The police might also notice, we were watching one of those Police Camera Action shows once and they were out with traffic police. A car went by and they said just that 'that car's insured for a 50 YO female driver, yet it's been driven by a young lad'. They pulled them and it was the woman's son being taught by his dad. He got 6 points for driving without insurance and a ban before he'd even passed his test.

I've given my DL number before. Presumably they can then check that it's a valid licence and quote you accordingly, but I've never had to provide a copy of it. Even providing the number was optional.

As you say, you see on programmes like Motorway Cops that police in ANPR cars can tell instantly if a car is insured by a woman, but being driven by a man, for instance.

It was only a matter of time before he was caught out and, frankly, it's better than he was caught out by you and not the police.

Whether or not the insurance company report it to the police though, I don't know.

Ebee19 · 07/12/2023 11:26

I am wondering if he wasn't the named driver, whether he would be more treated as driving uninsured rather than having committed fraud, especially as he was paying. I guess the long term consequences are better criminally with that as would be banned from driving but not a criminal issue? I might be wrong there. But I know the emotional and relationship impact hasn't really changed for you OP and just sending strength. It's a horrible thing to do to your Mum after all you have done for him. In terms of him not driving, many people cope without driving every day - for a variety of reasons. He can move closer to work, get a taxi, bus, train or a bike. If he had continued driving and killed someone then the consequences on that person and his life/mental health would clearly be more severe. You have done the right thing and the only option he left you.

SkySecret · 07/12/2023 13:19

@Ebee19 it’s still fraud to take out credit in someone else’s name!

Redebs · 07/12/2023 17:16

@Snowyscapes well done x
That can't have been easy.

Interesting that it was only your name and driving reputation that he took. Hopefully there won't be any nasty surprises of a financial nature then.

Sapphire387 · 07/12/2023 17:22

This is abuse, on his part. Even though he is your son. I'm so sorry you are in this position.

Annomynousnightowl · 07/12/2023 19:18

If a friend or relative came to you and presented you with this scenario, what would you be telling them to do?

I'm pretty sure you'd be telling them to do the right thing and inform the insurance company immediately. You need to protect yourself, him and others. What if he seriously hurt or injured someone else and you knew about the fact he wouldn't be insured? Could you honestly live with yourself knowing you could of potentially prevented it by informing the relevant authorities? What about the implications this could have on you and your mental health should the worst ever happen? Prevention is better earlier on and you need to do what is morally right. Unfortunately this needs to be a tough love lesson in my opinion.

thebestinterest · 07/12/2023 19:36

What Kind of insurance OP? Life insurance? I’d be very concerned if anyone took out a life insurance policy on me.

He’s engaged in fraud and it needs to be reported. He sounds mentally ill. Sorry X

Cat102515 · 07/12/2023 19:54

You are enabling him to keep acting like a child..an entitled child at that.
Sorry but 21 is old enough to know right from wrong he doesn't seem to care about you.
If you do nothing where does this end? With him taking out more cards/finance in your name but that can't go on forever.... He will end up killing someone or at rock bottom because there's been no consequences to his actions.... You need to it it to a stop now!
Maybe a conviction for his actions will teach him and actually put him in a better path in the long run

MeridianB · 07/12/2023 21:52

How are you getting on @Snowyscapes?

Crafthead · 07/12/2023 23:06

If you know a crime is being committed (driving without insurance) and how that can end - with someone left with life changing injuries and no compensation - what do you think you should do?
It's doing him no favours to let him think this sort of behaviour is ok and goes unchecked.
If he can afford expensive car / insurance he can afford an e-bike or get the bus to work.

Ixoral · 07/12/2023 23:52

thebestinterest · 07/12/2023 19:36

What Kind of insurance OP? Life insurance? I’d be very concerned if anyone took out a life insurance policy on me.

He’s engaged in fraud and it needs to be reported. He sounds mentally ill. Sorry X

OP stated in her post it's car insurance.

For people who haven't read OP's update on Wednesday, she has reported & been in contact with insurance company.

SmudgeButt · 08/12/2023 05:03

21 is still young and people mature at different rates. I know I was an idiot still at that age. On that basis I would cut him some slack.

I would certainly contact the insurance company and inform them that you know nothing about the policy and to remove your payment details. I would also contact your bank(S) and tell them that your details have been used without your permission and you need to change how your money is accessed. That may include changing all your Banks's and credit cards so he doesn't have any details.

And yes this will mean he's going to end up driving without insurance which will cause him problems but he'll have to learn to deal with that. If he has an accident he won't be covered but as we all know the other driver's insurance will cover their losses .

Hope he comes to his senses soon.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/12/2023 09:26

If a person is not mature enough to drive legally, they shouldn't be driving at all.

He's already written off two cars this year, which will be why presumably he can't get insurance in his own name.

It's people like him who kill people, whether it's other road users or often themselves and a car full of their mates. That sort of losses can't just be covered.

user1497207191 · 08/12/2023 10:18

@SmudgeButt

If he has an accident he won't be covered but as we all know the other driver's insurance will cover their losses .

What a stupid thing to say. The innocent driver will almost certainly lose some or all of their no claims bonus, maybe have to pay an excess, probably suffer by lack of a hire car whilst their's is in for repairs, maybe even lose wages if they're injured. They won't be able to claim "uninsured losses" as that's what is usually claimed from the insurance of the person at fault. Not only financial, but it will also cause a lot more stress, anxiety and hassle.

He's 21 - if he's old enough to drive a lethal weapon, he's old enough to take full responsibility for actions.

Absolutely no "slack" to cut when it comes to how something like that affects other people.

redalex261 · 08/12/2023 10:54

The vehicle insurance being for the OP as only named driver is a flyboy cost saving move. He is gambling on the car showing as insured on automated motorway ANPR cameras and hopefully no sharp eyed police noticing its a fifty YO woman on policy and not the young man they see driving. If he has had two write offs so far any policy with him as named driver would be astronomical, so probably made sense in his mind to use mum’s name, get lower cost based on much lower assessed risk - after all, he was apparently planning on paying it from his bank account (though he chose to default). Must’ve been deluded enough to romance himself that he would pay and was such a good driver he would not have another accident where invalid policy would immediately be apparent. OP has to let him deal with the full consequences of this. Otherwise he will almost certainly do worse. TBH if he has made a move like this he is very likely to have made very questionable choices before and been bailed out by family who want to help him and want to avoid any reflected disgrace/embarrassment due to his behaviour. Age is no excuse here, he is apparently not mentally deficient so should clearly understand the legal and moral implications of what he has done. It’s not nice for the OP but he is not giving a toss about the effect on her, he’s shirking dealing with her and sodded off on holiday!