Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

[Snowyscapes]

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

@Snowyscapes

He has written off 2 cars this year

Then he's clearly too dangerous to be driving. Has he even still got his licence?

You shouldn't be enabling this dangerous behaviour.

If he loses his job because he can't get insurance, then tough. Everyone else is safer if he's not driving by the sounds of it.

OP, if he's written off two cars this year I'd suspect a drugs problem?

I tried phoning his work. He's on leave this week. I think he's probably on holiday with his gf...........

I am extremely worried about him. He was spending on his very expensive hobby which he has now stopped

I sent a message on whatsapp re insurance. It will remain unread but at least if he sees the headline of it the first word is insurance so he will know what it is about

That is hard, and I agree 21 is young, but it is also old enough to know this is fraud. My brother lived his life like this. In the end he got convicted of drunk driving. No-one could get him out of that one and he had to take responsibility for it. It was the best thing that happened and he suddenly grew up overnight. Hard as it is, it could be what your son needs. You better act quickly if you have had several letters.

You know you need to speak to the insurance however I appreciate you’re reluctant to do so.

It’s time to cut the apron strings and allow him to make his own mistakes without it impacting you.

I know it’s hard and I’m sending you a hug as you navigate this mess x

Definitely no drink drugs issues, the first incident was driving too fast, no one else involved. Breathalysed etc at scene. Second was a 5am wet road, I don't know ins and outs of it but another car involved

You tell the truth Let them know you have helped him financially in the past by paying his debts. He has now gone no contact and you have received their correspondence. Tell them you suspect he has done this and would like to see the paperwork that is connected to this.
Ask them where you stand and if it will have an impact on your own credit rating.

I am surprised no one has recommended you see a solicitor. I think you should do so just to find out what your legal options are and cover yourself. This is extremely serious, more than what posters recognise. You could go to court and be done for fraud.

She has no means of contacting him

But the OP says this;

Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered.

If he doesn't want to see her messages that's up to him but at least she knows that she warned him.

Most people don't write off even one car in their entire lifetime, your son has written off 2 in a single year. He's a dangerous driver and probably shouldn't be on the road.

Reading the post about children having no resilience nowadays, comments like this are part of the issue. He's 21 ffs not 12. Once upon a time at 21 yoi would be considered a grown up person, with responsibilities.
Now what we have is a generation of "kidults" who have been so mollycoddled by their parents that they never learn from their mistakes.
I honestly fear for the future the way this country is heading

OP I’m 21, there’s no bloody way I would do this to anyone, definitely not my own mum! There’s no excuse at all, I’m sorry to say this but you need to protect yourself. Call up, tell them this wasn’t you and you have nothing to do with it. Don’t feel bad about it, he didn’t feel bad when he was committing identity fraud against you and defaulting on payments that would adversely affect you and your career.

Look: you really have no choice. You have to remove yourself from the fraud. Whatever happens to him has to happen. But if you don’t act decisively you will be dragged down to. He dies have more growing to do, more maturing, but he won’t if he is never faced with consequences. Cutting off contact with you was deliberate, not inadvertent. He did it to avoid being held accountable. You can’t bury your head in the sand. Stop trying to alert him and act!

I'd do everything I could to keep him out of trouble, without getting myself in to trouble.

How? Be specific, and bear in mind the professional obligations OP has mentioned.

I know it's such a difficult situation, but as others have said, honesty is the only policy here.

He needs to learn that he can't just do whatever he wants and get away with it.

You need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You can't help him long-term (food and shelter not debts) if you don't have a job.

Are you going to tell the judge he didnt mean any harm when he either kills someone or gets done for driving without insurance
Are u gonna tell ypur employers ur sons a good kid n didnt mean any harm when they r handing u a p45
You are enabling and exvusing tjis behaviour with o he is my son
He is young
He doesnt mean it
He doesn't deserve to face the consequences of his actions
Sure no hsrm done

He's an adult who needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions

This is my first thought. You could have a string of debts in your name.

Thanks all for advice. I'm giving it til 4pm today then phoning. It really breaks my heart. I know I would have given someone else in my position the same advice as you have given me, but it literally breaks my heart and I'm sat here trying to work but crying my eyes out. I really fear for his future. A young person I had worked with earlier this year took their life last week, so I'm particularly raw and anxious

OP sometimes love means doing something that will get your loved one into trouble and give them stress. The earlier you do this the better so he learns a much needed lesson and he will grow up and live a responsible life. The sooner the better before he makes even bigger mistakes that will completely ruin his life because it's obviously escalating.

The situation is awful and I feel for you. But you have coddled your son for way to long and it's time to make him understand that there are consequences for his insane actions. Because make no mistake, this is not normal behaviour.

It's time to protect yourself. Call the insurance company. And if you really love your son it's time to cause him some trouble.

I'd tell the insurance that it's not your insurance and not your car, but without dobbing him in. Are you sure it is his car? Have you checked the reg? Even if you are sure I wouldn't volunteer that info to the insurers.
Of course, that opens the door for him to be charged with insurance fraud. But I can't see the alternative. I mean, you could pay the insurance for him but that's still fraud as you're not the main driver so as far as I can see, either he goes down or you both go down. By saving yourself, at least you keep your solvency and job and can be a safety net for him (if you choose to or he lets you).

If your son is old enough to drive a car, rent a flat and have a job, he is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions. I suggest that you

1. ring the insurers and explain that you did not take out the policy
2. follow up with a letter to the insurers
3. write to your son (assuming that he has given you a correct address) explaining what you have done and why
4. send the letter to his home by recorded delivery
5. check your own credit records, even if you have to pay for the checks.

Oh well, that makes it all perfectly acceptable. If he skids on an icy road tomorrow and kills someone, it won't matter that he's uninsured, will it? At least he isn't driving under the influence.

Your son is commiting a criminal offence with your knowledge. This makes you an accessory. Unless you do anything except contact the insurers and the police immediately, you are no better than he is.

I agree with this.