Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

231 replies

Snowyscapes · 06/12/2023 11:12

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

OP posts:
TisTheTreasonTo · 06/12/2023 11:55

Have you checked your credit file to see if he’s taken any other credit out in your name?
what @Livingonaprayer101 said.

You need to call the company and inform them. You must protect yourself, he is an adult and you are not helping him by continually clearing up his mess.
How did he get the contract - has he tried to forge your signature?

Your livelihood is at stake. And if it has professional repercussions, presumably also your house. This is serious. It will be hard, I get that, but you need to look after yourself.

Mikimoto · 06/12/2023 11:56

If he has another accident now, it will wreck YOUR credit rating and good standing for ever.

mummabubs · 06/12/2023 11:57

Haydenn · 06/12/2023 11:26

if he’s defaulting on the policy then he’ll be driving without insurance anyway. Contact the insurance company and just say you know nothing about the policy

This! He's given false details so his insurance won't be valid anyway and doubly so since defaulting. This sounds like a really horrible situation for you OP. If my son did this I'd feel torn but ultimately would want him to learn that actions have consequences. Especially illegal ones that could have serious implications for you and other road users. You've tried to get in touch with him, time to let the insurers know.

billy1966 · 06/12/2023 11:58

OP, your son is now engaging in criminal acts.
You cannot fix this.
I have sons that age and I can only imagine your upset.
Unfortunately he will have to learn the hard way about consequences.
By doing so you might prevent a life time of criminality or not.
Either way there is no fixing this.
Do not lie.
Contact the insurance company and report him.

I am so sorry.

Catza · 06/12/2023 11:59

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:45

If it was my son .at 21 doing this ,
I'd think 21 is still very young in the great scheme of things ,and I'd try hard to make sure I didn't cause him more stress.
I doubt he is doing this to deliberately cause the op stress ,he just is clearly struggling with money ,and making mistakes as young people do
I'd do everything I could to keep him out of trouble, without getting myself in to trouble.
I'd be trying to find him ,there must be a way,a friend of a friend must know where he is

It's causing him no stress whatsoever. The OP repeatedly bailed him out as well as provided him with a place to live. He then turned around and metaphorically slapped her in the face. He is now living a life without any sense of responsibility. What's so stressful about the situation to him exactly?
21 is plenty old to understand fraudulent actions. It doesn't sound like he gives two hoots about causing stress to his mother and she'd already done plenty to help him out of trouble.
At some point enough is enough.

Lazydomestic · 06/12/2023 12:05

Understand why he deserves to be reported but you don’t want to :(
Call insurance company - cancel the policy & settle any payment. Inform them your son is the owner / driver & will sort out his own policy.
The risk you currently run is if they cancel the insurance (if not done already due to delinquent payment) then you will have to declare to your own insurers making yourself uninsurable…
Message DS tell him his car is uninsured & if he gets pulled he will be fined / points/ lose vehicle.
Run a credit check on yourself to check there are no more agreements in your name.

PinkPlantCase · 06/12/2023 12:08

My first thought is what else has he taken out in your name.

LIZS · 06/12/2023 12:08

Ring insurance company and say there is a misunderstanding, not your car nor your policy. Let them investigate.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 06/12/2023 12:08

I'd WhatsApp him telling him how fucking dare he take out insurance in your name and that you intend to tell the insurance company that you do not own the car that you have been contacted about. And then contact the insurance company and tell them that.

If he chooses to ignore/decline the message, that's on him, you've warned him what you intend to do. And check your credit file so that you know whether he's taken out cards in your name. Time to get tough.

Tracker1234 · 06/12/2023 12:09

Please dont say you are also guarantor for his new place too? I had to be for my DS when he was 21 because he wasnt earning quite enough.

I knew he would be sensible and when his girlfriend moved in it it became more affordable and it was only a 1 bed.

I put the fear of God in him regarding any defaulting though.

He is effectively driving uninsured though and he is clearly a terrible driver who probably shouldnt be driving with his driving record. He seems to have been bailed out by you time and time again and he now needs to realise that he needs to sort himself out.

meeplesmarples · 06/12/2023 12:09

If you don't report this as a fraudulent claim, you're not only going to suffer negative consequences, but you're going to do so for a son who has no respect for you and doesn't care if you get into trouble so long as he can carry on doing what he likes with no consequences for himself.

Do not enable this BS. He chose to lie and commit fraud, allow him the courtesy of learning responsibility and how to deal with the results of his own actions. It's not your job to protect him, it's your job to help him become a functioning adult and allowing him to experience the ramifications of stupid shit like this is part of that, unfortunately.

littlemousebigcheese · 06/12/2023 12:10

Sorry but you're bending over backwards for him when he clearly doesn't give a shit and is taking advantage of you. It's so hard as he's your son but this could have big implications for you - now that you've had the letters and are aware of the issue, you're letting it continue by not contacting the insurance company.

OhComeOnFFS · 06/12/2023 12:11

So has he insured his car using your name as the main driver? When he had those crashes, did he claim as though he was you?

Have you checked your credit score? The way he's hiding from you, I wonder whether he's taken out credit in your name.

He's had two crashes - was he drunk or on drugs at the time?

There's something really bad going on here, OP. I would contact the insurance company and find out what you can. Check your credit file and sort out any problems there. Your son is in a shitload of trouble anyway - you can't prevent any of it but you can protect yourself.

Whatever happens, don't let him come home to live. And you might as well forget the money he borrowed from you; you'll never see that again.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/12/2023 12:11

Do you have another number you can call him from? Can you email him? Get another family member to call him?

Try this to show he's been warned today then call the insurance company to explain.

Pipsquiggle · 06/12/2023 12:12

Your DS sounds like he is living recklessly from a safety (2 cars written off) and a financial perspective.

Sounds like the poor finance decisions have been happening for a while.

Yes he is young but he should know the basics of finance e.g. don't live beyond your means.

Unfortunately, I am not sure what more you can do. Could you go to his flat and speak to him before you ring up the insurance company? But you will have to do that as it is illegal.

I hope he wakes up soon and starts behaving like an adult - part of that is recognising his superficial lifestyle is not sustainable on the wage he earns.

Blobblobblob · 06/12/2023 12:14

If you know about this and do nothing you're complicit in fraud.

You've really got no choice here.

He's treating you like shit, you need to get some backbone and refuse to accept it. How is he ever going to learn otherwise?

caringcarer · 06/12/2023 12:15

TaytoCheeseandOnion · 06/12/2023 11:27

I think you need to prioritse here. Your son is a danger to himself and others, he has already had at least 2 crashes that you know of. He is driving uninsured. At a minimum you need to tell the insurance company. You worry about a risk of suicide if he can no longer drive, although he has never expressed any suicidal tendency. How would you feel if he kills himself or someone else whilst driving uninsured and you had done nothing to try and stop him? Both scenarios are horrible to contemplate, but the latter seems more likely and you can do something to prevent. You must be worried sick.

This. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions.

caringcarer · 06/12/2023 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Totally enabling his recklessness.

SkySecret · 06/12/2023 12:17

Stop enabling your criminal son to commit offences. We don’t need people like him on the road, do something about it!

Get him reported for fraud immediately (and for potentially driving without insurance). He is an adult who should know better, and so are you. He’s clearly a reckless person (and driver) it’s not long before he kills someone.

user1497207191 · 06/12/2023 12:21

Pugdays · 06/12/2023 11:49

He's only 21 though,these comments seem very harsh to me
Is there no middle ground of him talking responsibility with out getting in to trouble.

No, he's a grown adult. He's adult enough to have a job, adult enough to buy cars, adult enough to get into debt by over-spending. He needs a dose of reality. It's his own fault that OP can't contact him. She has to call the insurance firm and tell them it's nothing to do with her. Son has to wake up to the reality of adult life and being responsible for his actions.

Original poster
Snowyscapes · 06/12/2023 12:22

He is barely responding to his Dad (we are not together) and doesn't respond to any other family members or read their messages. He's never done anything like this before.

I tried checking my file, can't see anything on it, doesn't even show that they ran a check when he took out the insurance as he's done it on a pay monthly so they must have run checks

He was previously insured in his name

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 06/12/2023 12:23

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 06/12/2023 12:08

I'd WhatsApp him telling him how fucking dare he take out insurance in your name and that you intend to tell the insurance company that you do not own the car that you have been contacted about. And then contact the insurance company and tell them that.

If he chooses to ignore/decline the message, that's on him, you've warned him what you intend to do. And check your credit file so that you know whether he's taken out cards in your name. Time to get tough.

She has no means of contacting him

buckingmad · 06/12/2023 12:23

The only 21 comments are ridiculous. I knew at 21 how to budget and I knew that using someone else’s info for insurance was wrong. If he’s mature enough to rent and have a decent paying job then he’s mature enough to know this is wrong.

OP he needs to learn, you need to be cruel to be kind.

Headband · 06/12/2023 12:23

You can't keep bailing him out, he'll never learn- in this case either you get into trouble or he does. I'd be very concerned about him, as I'm sure you are . What's he been spending his money on ?

Itsaselectionbox · 06/12/2023 12:24

If you let him continue down this path, there is a good chance he will drag you down with him, then presumably you will financially not be in a position to help him, let alone yourself. He needs a shock here.