Found out DS taken out insurance in my name, and defaulting on payment

[Snowyscapes]

DS aged 21, doesn't live at home. He has debt issues through over spending. I paid off significant credit card debt for him earlier this year on the basis he was living back home, earning good wage, and would pay back lump sum each month. He instead moved out, has taken on a high rent flat, and paid nothing back. He has written off 2 cars this year and I presume on his latest car (which he took out on finance in oct) he has been unable to get insurance or it was very high. Anyway, over last week I have had letters from insurance company addressed to me saying I have defaulted on payment. Thought it was their error at first as didn't recognise number plate, but then dawned on me it is his car. I absolutely cannot believe he has done this. Which I presume is fraud. DS appears to be currently going no contact with me, I cannot get hold of him last few weeks. His phone contract is cut as I was paying his bill for 3 years and he wasn't paying me back (he was on good wage no living costs), so I can't phone him. I don't know his new address. Whatsapp messages are being delivered, but unread. Whatsapp calls, some declined or unanswered. I have really good credit rating which I need to maintain. Me knowing he is fraudulently using my name and doing nothing about it could have professional repercussions for me. I wanted to give it a week and tell him unless he cancels the policy immediately that I will phone them myself and tell them. But I can't tell him this if he is not reading messages and just had another default letter through.

If I contact the insurance co and say it is not me, firstly he could be done for fraud, and he could become uninsurable, which would mean no way getting to work and could lose his job. I worry about if this happens him taking his life, which he has never stated to me, or shown indications of, but its something I always worry about as sadly I see it far too regularly through my work.

So if I contact insurer and tell them I know nothing of policy and its not mine
AIBU?

OP, my brother committed fraud against my parents and lots of other people for many, many years. My parents never went to the police about it and I do wonder now if it would have been better for him had they done it. DB is now mid-40s, unable to budget, permanent pt-time job and still asks for money from mum and dad. There is also definitely significant (undiagnosed) MH issues that my parents never bothered about and now it is really too late.

My contribution - doing what you are planning to do is most likely the best decision. Please let us know how it goes with your DS.

Edited - spelling errors

Its best to let the shit hit the fan now while he's young and has enough life left to improve his behaviour rather than letting this go and find yourself with a 40 year old son who still can't sort his finances out .

My nephew is an immature man-child - he's made his mother's life a misery, and he's in his early 30's now!

A string of written off cars, motoring offences with short periods of being banned, a string of broken relationships, a few children he's left behind to be looked after by their mothers, convictions for low level crime, a string of jobs where he's been sacked and a wrecked credit rating, not to mention unable to rent a home in his own name because he can't get a "good" reference from any of his past landlords (due to unpaid rent, damage and being evicted legally a few times).

His latest wheeze is to change his name to his mother's maiden name and "steal" his dead grand-father's identity by taking out loans, credit cards and car insurance using his grandmother's address (who is in her 80s with dementia). His initials are the same as his grandfathers, so it's been very upsetting for the grandmother to start getting letters, default notices, etc in her dead husband's name! He never even goes near their house to pick up "his" mail, so clearly has no intention of paying his debts!

Between living with numerous girlfriends (he has to move in with them as he can't get a home of his own so only "targets" women with their own home, either rented or bought), he comes back to his mother, tail between his legs, promising to change his ways, etc., just to get a roof over his head, and then a few weeks later, he's found a new "victim" to move in with and the cycle repeats itself until new girlfriend gets fed up of his freeloading, abuse, etc - if she's lucky, she won't have got pregnant by him, but he has 4 kids and counting, none of whom he sees nor pays maintenance for.

As for jobs, it's just a succession of dead end jobs, usually "off the books", as he can't show references as he always gets sacked, but it's never his fault!!

OP needs to be very careful. My sister started down that road of being used and abused by the "he's only 21" type of thinking and all it's done is facilitate his reckless and selfish lifestyle.

Hi OP I am a Senior Manager in an insurance business. At 21 with 2 right-offs behind him few insurance companies would cover him. If he did get cover the premium would be extremely high. What he is engaged in is I am afraid fraud.

If he has a further accident now the insurer will pursue you and given it has sent letters to your home address may look to hold you as culpable for the fraud. This is serious.

Get him to cancel the policy now and settle with the insurer. If he does not contact them yourself. I cannot stress how serious this might become and please think about the people he might hurt when driving effectively uninsired.

In order to be there for him later down the line when he realises he has to actually face the consequences, you need to protect yourself now.

You have to make sure your career and professionalism can’t ever be compromised, make sure your earning ability remains viable, make sure you keep your credit rating, make sure your health isn't damaged and make sure your conscience remains clear.

This is a terrible dilemma for you OP, but hard as it is, you can not condone what he is doing so you must do the right thing.
You have tried every which way to get hold of him to no avail. There is no avenue left open to you to reach him.

Phone the insurance company today to protect yourself down the line so that you are there when he comes to you for help.
Then send a WhatsApp message saying
‘your car is not insured, do not drive, call me’

Good luck.

I can see why this is breaking your heart 😢

I would send him a lot of 1 liner whatsapp messages, he is probably dragging down to read them or has the blue ticks turned off.

You have my sympathy though in this crappy situation x

@User13579367337 god he sounds like a prick! -sorry.
I'm curious, I know it's not her responsibility or anything but does your sister see any of her grandchildren?

So he applied in his name but with your address and banking details? Or with your name and address but his banking details?

If he has any of your banking info you need to get new cards or accounts. Have you checked your accounts? You might be paying for the holiday ……

I haven't read the thread, but if I were you I would try to keep everything in writing (email) and only state facts, with a FACT being something you are 110% sure about.

You have not taken out a policy on the car.

You do not know whose car it is. (You don't, you strongly suspect it's your son's but he might have sold it for all you know).

They need to cancel the policy ASAP and never contact you on the matter again as it has nothing to do with you.

@Snowyscapes just here to say I’m sorry and I really feel for you. But he is still very young and will learn consequences. You really have no choice but to protect yourself. He has time to mature and change his behaviour and I’m sure he will. He’s lucky to have you.

It’s called consequnces

hes behaved that way. Hence he now suffers the consequences, or yoh do. It’s that simple

uo to you but I wouldn’t let him get away with it

I have a sibling like this. OP you need to let the insurance company know, otherwise he will be doing things like this and you will be bailing him out forever. With my sibling it goes in cycles - he goes low contact with my parents then he wants money (because he has made a bad choice, been made homeless through not paying rent and so on). Parents bail him out, he goes low contact again, repeat. It is unlikely to change, particularly if you keep bailing him out. Hopefully by making him face consequences he might change, but maybe not. It won't ruin your relationship, you don't really have one - he is abusing you and your desire to have a relationship with him. It needs to stop and you need to make it stop. Looking at my parents relationship with my sibling, I can see that it is much easier said than done. I really feel for you.

I would imagine you might get prosecuted too if you didn’t say anything. He probably won’t get insured again without a It costing a HUGE amount. My friend defaulted on her insurance and her insurance is now like £2890 a year and she’s 48!!

that’s just defaulting.

I think you quoted the wrong user name, assuming you were replying to me, no, sadly very little contact with the grandchildren. Their respective mothers are, rightly, totally pissed off by my nephew's behaviour, so sister is regarded as guilt by association, especially since she keeps bailing him out to facilitate his shitty behaviour. She does try and there is a small amount of contact via very strained relationships with the mothers, but only really birthdays and Xmas. Shame really as she's respectable, with a full time job, and would be happy to help with childcare, etc., Her other child, our niece, is the complete opposite to our nephew, she was "mature" for her age when she left school, got proper qualifications and a profession, got a steady boyfriend, just bought their first house together, etc. Sister's kids really couldn't be any more different. Nephew is nothing but a vile, arrogant, thug.

Yes, do this after you’ve contacted the insurance company. You have no other choice but to inform them.
You can financially disassociate yourself from him through. I’m not sure if the correct wording or recall exactly how to go about it, My husband had to do it because of his brother.

Wow, what a chancer. Report him

He sounds scummy. Fraudulent, essentially stealing from his mum, not worried about putting his mum in a negative legal situation, happy to take take take to save his arse but gives nothing in return and has no remorse.

He also sounds like he’s a complete danger on the road.

report him. He deserves it. If you don’t he will never learn.

You must act ASAP by calling the insurance company and being totally honest that you think he has done this behind your back.

Police cars have ANPR and his car will flag up as uninsured and he could get stopped any minute. That is when the shit will hit your fan and not his.

They will likely confiscate his car until he gets insurance but as other posters have said. this is actually a best case scenario given his track record.

I left home, rented a house, had a car and a full time job when I was a week shy of my eighteenth birthday. He should be all over this by 21.

Give him a bit of a reality sandwich.

The only 21 comments are sending me.
the guy is an adult and he’s took the piss. What about OPs mental health?

clarify to the insurance company. He’s gone NC so he chose this

You are not risking his job. He risked it himself by committing insurance fraud and I wouldn't allow him to risk yours too.

I would also tell the insurance company that you think it might be your son's car , don't tell them you don't know at all . If you make out you don't know who's it is and they find out you are connected, it might make them a bit suspicious.

You need to protect your credit. The three main consumer Credit Rating Agencies in the UK are Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. You need to contact them all and add a password to your credit file. I seem to remember it's free to add but costs to remove it. It just stops people taking out credit without the password. Insurance paid monthly would normally count as credit, or applying for a new credit credit card or loan. It can be a pain as you will always be referred and can't just be accepted immediately for say a new credit card, but neither can fraudster. So pick a good password.

For goodness sake OP read what @Cyclebabble says.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s used your details to get credit elsewhere too.
And stop covering up for him, your actions are condoning his behaviour.

He needs the consequences. It sounds like you've paid for a lot of his adult life and he has learned that he can get away without paying. He needs to learn that's not true.

I know what you are going through OP. My ds had similar issues, when he was that age and I found out he was spending on my credit card (got a bill, for something I hadn’t bought).

It was really difficult and scary, as when I confronted him, he said he couldn’t see a way out and had thought of killing himself. He did owe quite a bit of money, which was not all his fault, as his ex gf had completely shafted him, taking finance out in his name.

However, I gave him an ultimatum, either allow me full access to all his accounts or he was on his own. I managed to pay off some of his debt and help him take action against his ex (which was successful). I won’t say it’s been easy and it still doesn’t feel right to me, taking charge of his finances, but we worked through things and it was definitely the right thing to do.

I put down the £10k deposit for a house for him (which we own jointly), on the understanding that he paid for the mortgage, which he has done. He is now in his mid 30’s, lives with his partner and finished paying off the mortgage earlier this year. The house remains in both our names, just in case his relationship fails and his partner tries to get half of the house (his choice from early in their relationship), like a previous partner did!

Things have worked out, better than I could have hoped, but only because he was willing to try and accepted my help.