to think this is a total over reaction

[titsgigglesandshits]

I had three dates with a guy who was really lovely. Absolutely perfect and we got on really well, but after the 3rd date I knew he wanted to take it to the next level and I just wasn't ready so I finished it and said I liked him, he was perfect, but it was missing the chemistry. I had just come out of a short relationship and was quite upset about that, so I probably wasn't in the best place.

That was a few weeks ago and I have a lovely friend and she has younger children and although has her parents' support struggles juggling children, finances, work and time for herself. I would love to see someone sweep her off her feet and look after her, she's beautiful and kind.

I told her about the guy I'd briefly dated and asked if she wanted me to give him her number etc. She said yes so I got in touch and sent him her photos.

He said she was lovely and asked to meet me to find out more about her. I did expect him to just ask for her number, so when he asked to see me i wondered if it was a ploy to see me again. I told my friend and she said it sounded like he still liked me.

Anyway, I agreed to meet him and I was weirdly really looking forward to seeing him. He said he was disappointed that I'd ended it and I explained that I can be fickle and I wasn't ready for things to evolve or even if I wanted it to. He suggested that perhaps we just see each other as friends and if things evolved so be it. He said he's quite happy single, enjoys my company, so happy to go with the flow - no pressure. He said he liked I was independent job-wise and that our children were older. which isn't the case with my friend, but I wouldn't tell her this.

I spoke with my friend today, i was going to speak with her face to face, but she asked me over text and I explained what had happened. She's absolutely furious with me, she said I'm sly and underhand, i spend too much time on dating apps, jumping from one man to another, that I didn't need to meet him and if I were her friend I wouldn't have been so selfish. I'm really shocked by her reaction and feel really guilty as the last thing I wanted to do was upset her.

I feel guilty, because I probably will run from this relationship, and I didn't need to involve her to begin with, she didn't ask. I've apologised and agreed I was thinking about myself and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, but she won't have any of it. She's fuming.
WWYD

Another poster who only want to believe they are right despite the majority telling them they are not!

Your friend is the winner here. Who wants a friend like you!

I've known girls like you in high school. They are the one who in adulthood cry they are no friends and still are convinced it's everyone else!

Wow lol 😆

But everyone's just like jealous of course ....

So it starts off you would like your 'friend' to find someone as she is struggling and beautiful and kind. Then changes to mutual friends have agreed with you as they have been at the hands of her 'wrath'. Throughout the whole thread you are passive aggressive with your responses. Why would you involve your mutual friends in all of this? The situation is bad enough between the two of you. Do you need an army? Not fair on your mutual friends at all.

As for this now wonderful man where there is no chemistry, what does he think about all of this? Personally I would have been too upset at upsetting my friend to go out and have a good time with the man that is in the middle of all this. Where were your thoughts for your friend. Your attitude is terrible. 'Oh well I have apologised so it's up to her now', in the meantime I will carry on and have a good time!

So, let me get this straight.

You had just finished another short relationship when you went on dates with this guy (so the jumping from dating apps your friend accused you of, doesn’t sound too far fetched to me).

You already knew that you’re the kind of person who is apparently ‘fickle’, doesn’t stick around, runs away from relationships.

Which begs the question, why are you dating in the first place if you’re clearly not someone who can commit? You’re actively messing guys about knowing full well you’re not the committing type.

Then when you mess yet another guy about, you decide it will be a great idea to set him up with your friend instead. I find this bizarre in itself.

I can understand why your friend is pissed. It’s not about her having some kind of claim to a man she’s never met. You got her hopes up and then trashed them, for your own benefit.

You spend the entire thread making out you feel guilty about how you’ve made your friend feel and then in your last post do a complete u-turn and say that all your mutual friends agree with you that she’s being unreasonable, so you’re leaving her to it and hey, sod her! Whilst telling everyone what a magical evening you’ve just had with said guy.

I’m glad you’re not my friend.

Yeah the u-turn was weird OP and makes the former contrition seem faux. I think you ought at least to admit to her you can see her frustration.

You don’t get it do you. She wasn’t upset about him per se, she had never met him. She was upset about you bad behaviour and game playing. I am sure she won’t be sorry to be left alone by you. Your emotional intelligence is non existent.

So not only have you played her for a fool, you’ve also told your mutual friends about it?

With friends like you, who needs enemies?

Blimey OP, with friends like you, who needs enemies!

Don't worry about it op. I'd probably laugh at you for being all over the place, but mostly I'd hope it worked out for you, especially as you already know him.

Such hysertia from your friend and to your post 🙄

HYSTERIA

I think you've been quite unkind.

I also think you're fickle and a bit of a (possibly unintentional) game player.

Maybe you need to investigate why that is? And don't involve anyone else in any of these issues