Constantly changing his mind about marriage and I'm so miserable

[Thefemaleofthespeciesismoredeadlythanthemale]

I feel pathetic and weak. We've been together for several years, I earn £32k, his earnings vary, but he's on a full-time wage. He feels insecure about not having a 'career' which I understand, and I'm constantly trying to help him.
Anyway, he's changed his mind about committing to me around 6 times.
He told me he doesn't think he can provide a nice life for me. I told him I'm not interested in how much he makes, as long as he contributes that's more than enough, I am making my own money.
He told me he wants to give me a big wedding. I told him I'd get married in a pair of jeans and a t shirt tbh, and a nice meal afterwards, I want to marry for love and commitment, I have no interest in a big wedding or an expensive ring.
I could tell him all this until I'm blue in the face but it wouldn't make any difference.
I've packed my bags to leave but then he started saying he 100% wants to marry me. So I believed him. Then after this, he asked if he could have more time to 'think it over'.
He's done this several times now, said he wants it then changed his mind.
I'm 35 and have been very, very clear that I will not be waiting forever. He's younger at 30, but he's hardly some 19 year old.
He says our child would be in poverty if we had one..
Then he says stuff like friends x and y are engaged because they've got more money.
I didn't think commitment was only reserved to the very well off.
I'm miserable and feel trapped. Then he said something about me not being transparent about finances, it's not true but if that's what he thinks fair enough. He has more in savings than me, I've told him what I have.
When I tried to leave last time he was saying 'well it's clear you've made up your mind then' and the latest is that he 'doesnt like to plan ahead and can't imagine too far into the future '. What on earth do I believe.

Don't waste anymore time with him, I don't think he has any intention of marrying you and these are all just excuses.

All the back and forth from him is causing me a lot of distress. He told me he'd like to book a spring wedding, then chickened out at the last minute. I know I'm weak too.

He told me he was looking at rings with his Mum so I'm like why would you even do that.

You're wasting your life, do you want children?

You need to work out how to get yourself stronger because you are not going to have a happy life with him

I think you need to watch the movie, 'He's just not that into you'.

This man isn't interested in you in any serious way OP.

Why do you feel trapped though? You can just leave?

I do. When I wanted to leave he tried to make out like only because he's not earning enough and that's the only thing stopping him. Honestly I don't believe it's just that and I've told him.

I'm sorry, I don't think he will marry you.

Sorry, but he's stringing you along and saying anything to keep you there. you probably will leave eventually but how many more years will you waste?

He’s stringing you along. If you want children you don’t really have more time to waste on this man. If you don’t want children but do want marriage - well you need to stop wasting time on him regardless it’s just more urgent if you want kids.

Walk away and mean it, there is no way this man will commit to you and he is wrecking your head.

I guarantee if you stay with him he will be the kind of guy that you waste your fertile years on, he never marries you but will leave you and get engaged to someone else within 6 months. He keeps you on as a will do for now. Sorry it’s unkind but it’s the way it is

There's a lovely bloke at work who's interested in me (he's not been disrespectful at all) and I'm choosing this instead.
I feel trapped because he acts completely devastated at the thought of me leaving and thn says he does want to marry me.

So you wouldn't leave because he has you exactly where he wants you.

He will do the same if you say you're leaving again.

In the nicest way, get a bit of self respect and leave!!!

He's telling you enough that you don't leave

If he wanted to marry you, you would know

Get rid and find someone worthy of you

Is a job a reason to not get married? Maybe he feels emasculated because I earn more?

@Thefemaleofthespeciesismoredeadlythanthemale

This is NOT what love looks like.

Be brave, this is your choice to make. 💐

That said I'm on 32k, I'm hardly Jeff bezos. I need to gain the strength. He's saying he wants us to be together. What's all this doesn't plan the future though?
Last night I got pretty annoyed and said it wasn't good enough. He told me his friend Sara is engaged because her man is 40. I said I don't care if he's 40 or 90vtbh

Go for the guy at work and don’t even look back.

You're not the pathetic weak one here. Your boyfriend sounds insufferable, I don't know how you can stand him.

Anyway, he's just stringing you along. You can waste your life (and fertile years) waiting for him to commit but I think you'd be a fool to do so. You're earning enough to live independently so I think you should throw him back into the substandard pool he came from, work on your independence and self esteem, and only fish from the decent man pool in future.

He’s future faking you until someone better comes along:

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-spot-future-faking-in-narcissistic-relationships-7968853

Dont waste time on him OP. He won’t ever committ. And when you do try to leave (again) don’t get sucked back in by future faking promises.

Believe what he is showing you. He will repeatedly agree to marry you to keep you from leaving but won't actually marry you. He won't plan for a future with you. Of course he'll be sorry to lose you. But is that enough?

There will always be an excuse from him. If you want more you need to leave and find someone else

He's future faking because he doesn't want to be single,yet. You'll get to 40 and he'll meet someone who he does want to marry and be gone. She'll more than likely be young enough to have children. He'll use your age as a reason. It's got nothing to do with finances etc.

I earn more than DP. He doesn’t give two shiny shits. Because he’s not looking for excuses not to commit.