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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

417 replies

BobbidyBibbidyBob · 05/12/2023 15:03

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

OP posts:
purplemunkey · 05/12/2023 15:52

EweCee · 05/12/2023 15:06

One parent does drop off and finishes late whilst the other starts work early and picks up from after school club. That's how most I know, including my family, do/ did it.

This is what we do. It’s not just my responsibility as Mum, DH and I share it.

We do use after school club though - no way either of us can pick up 3pm full work days.

If I was on my own I’d have to use breakfast club too.

AlltheFs · 05/12/2023 15:53

You are right to worry!

We had to move to make sure we could access schools with wraparound care but there’s none around here later than 5.30 or earlier than 7.45.

Plus with nursery don’t underestimate how often you will have to dash back to pick up a sick baby. I’m not kidding when I say it will be 8-12 times a year. Someone needs to be local and available for that.

You may need to factor in a nanny or one/both of you condense hours or go part time.

MooseLooseAbootThisHoos · 05/12/2023 15:53

I start early/finish early. DH starts late/finishes late.

givemushypeasachance · 05/12/2023 15:55

Wait until you also discover that school only operates 38 weeks a year, which leaves 14 weeks to cover from your likely much less than that annual leave.

bluesky45 · 05/12/2023 15:56

For me, breakfast club starts at 7:30. Some part time hours mean I finish early a couple of days and can do pick up. Then the other days are split between grandparents (gives me til 7pm) and after school club (gives me til half 5). It's a juggle.

startledbypostmodernity · 05/12/2023 15:57

The Mum in our NCT group who was doing this relocated to be closer to London because she found she couldn't make the long commute work.

SecondHandFurniture · 05/12/2023 15:57

DH does it - he WFH. It doesn't have to be the mum. I can also do it when he is away, because I start at 9.15 and have a 5 mile commute. Some people just knock half an hour off their hour lunch.

Beezknees · 05/12/2023 15:58

By using breakfast and after school clubs. Breakfast club opened 7.30 and after school closed at 6. I did not work from home at that time, I am a lone parent and managed it.

NotFastButFurious · 05/12/2023 15:59

Both parents work 4 days a week, 1 day one parent does drop off and granny does pick up, the other 2 days they go to wrap around. Neither parent has anything like a 1hr45min commute though and one is in education so gets school holidays.

purplemunkey · 05/12/2023 16:01

I agree with others that your commute could be a problem though. I used to live in Greater London suburbs and commute in when DC was at nursery. We managed, just about.

We moved away from London for a number of reasons, but this was one of them. My commute is now 30mins, which makes a world of difference. Not just for drop off/pick up, but once for things like Sports day/nativity etc. I can often take an hour or so out to attend, come late and make up the time. That’s going to be much harder with a nearly 2hr commute.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 05/12/2023 16:02

I'd also chip in here that DH and I opted to stay living in a flat and have short commutes, rather than move to the suburbs and buy a big house, but commute over an hour. Absolutely no regrets at all. Being close to school/nursery has been a godsend so many times.

Minikievs · 05/12/2023 16:02

Later start to my day in exchange for shorter lunch break, and don't have a 1.5 hour commute.
If my commute was longer, I'd use breakfast club.

Aintnosupermum · 05/12/2023 16:02

I live thousands of miles from family in a city where I don’t know more than a handful of people. I put my children in private school with excellent wrap care flexibility and I have an au pair.

The Uk is bonkers with childcare expectations during primary school years. If you want to grow your career consider expat assignments in places like Middle East and Singapore where they have good schools and proper childcare. Come back to the UK when they are secondary age.

It’s also very valid to take time out and raise your family, just know upfront your career, and earning potential will fall when you step out. You might want to do contract work or plan to retrain while you are working for your family.

CharlotteBog · 05/12/2023 16:04

You're not seeing the children that are not dropped off by a parent e.g. breakfast clubs that run in the school, or drop off via minibus right at the door, or not realising that some parents may be bringing children that are not theirs.

I actually could manage as we could drop off at 8.20. There would be a gaggle of working parents at 8.20 who would then scuttle off sharpish!
I could be at my desk by 9am. I worked on an academic research campus with very flexible working conditions so it was fine.

I have been working from home for 8 years or so, which enabled me to do the morning run for DS2, who then went to childcare after school.

People are SO relieved to be done with nursery fees when their LOs start school, and it DOES make a huge difference, but school brings with it many other challenges.

museumum · 05/12/2023 16:05

Breakfast club. Staggered hours with dh. And living a LoT closer to work than 1h45!
i don’t know any family with two parents working that far away from home.

CharlotteBog · 05/12/2023 16:06

You are not an idiot for wondering all these things, but I do think you will find it challenging to be out of the house 12 hours a day when you have a child, or certainly if both parents work those hours.

mollyfolk · 05/12/2023 16:06

It’s a mystery to me why it’s all set up like that. School starts and ends in the middle of the working day. Personally I went part time, most parents I know have some kind of flexible hours/work from home or part time arrangement to facilitate. Unless you have huge money to pay for a Nanny, I am going to say your working hours & commute are not sustainable. Even if you get wraparound breakfast club/afterschool that is a very long day.

you do tend to figure it out as you go along though.

Notsurewhatnext · 05/12/2023 16:08

wrap around childcare. Either childminder who does drop off and pick ups or breakfast and after school club (and then school holiday club). But really, a commute of 1.45 each way isn't really sustainable. Also, are you going to be a lone parent or does the child have a dad who could share the load?

MarathonBarbie · 05/12/2023 16:09

Some breakfast / after school club, part time hours with a 930 start and a 30mins walking commute for me.

AliceMcK · 05/12/2023 16:09

I gave up work after my second due to childcare costs. I now have 3, I don’t think we’d have managed with nursery’s, school, child sickness if both DH and I had been in full time work. Neither of our jobs were flexible at the time.

Other parents I know have managed by doing:

Change of job with more flexibility
Starting own businesses for flexibility
Wrap around care ( breakfast and afterschool club)
One dad took a demotion and got a job right next to the school so he could do the school runs, previously both him and his wife worked over an hour away from school which was unfeasible.
Childminders who provide school drop off and pick up service
Grandparents Grandparents & more grandparents

Friendships with other parents is a huge help if they are able to help out when needed. I’ve collected other peoples children when needed and had other parents do the same for me when needed.

You will also need to think about clubs and activities after school if your child wants to do them, how will you manage them?

BreatheAndFocus · 05/12/2023 16:11

Breakfast Club but check the opening time. Some are 7.30am but others are 7.40, 7.45. After School Club shutting times vary more so that’s what you should be concerned about rather than the morning.

If you’re able, I’d stay at home with the baby when they’re young. I know someone will come along and tell us how they have 15 children, get up at 4am and work 60 hours a week, but it’s hard. Looking after children is a job in and of itself - and an important one at that.

Spendonsend · 05/12/2023 16:11

Its a mix.
Childminders, nannies and morning clubs
Change jobs to one closer to home to fit wrap around care hours.
Work part time
One parent drops off, one parent picks up
Leave work entirely.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/12/2023 16:12

Breakfast/ after school club and/ or a childminder.

It all comes at a cost unfortunately!

Octavia64 · 05/12/2023 16:13

I changed jobs into education so that wrap around care would cover the hours

I dropped off at breakfast club at 8 and then taught all day. Picked up at after school at 5.

Did dinner/rainbows/swimming and then marked and planned once they were in bed.

DH commuted to London and was out if the house 5:30 am to 7pm.

School holidays are also long and your annual leave will go nowhere near it.

As a teacher I had planning and curriculum stuff to do in the holidays so drafted in grandparents.

Comefromaway · 05/12/2023 16:13

I sent my children to a primary school 10 mins drive away from my workplace. They also offered before and after school care.