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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

417 replies

BobbidyBibbidyBob · 05/12/2023 15:03

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 05/12/2023 15:14

I work part time 2 days a week, 2 x 12.5 hour shifts. The days I'm at work my DH WFH so he drops off oldest to breakfast club at school at 7.45 and baby to nursery at 8am. Then oldest is in wraparound after school until 5.30 and baby in nursery until 6pm- DH collects them after his working day.
There is no option for me to work full time as the childcare would be too expensive for 5 days a week versus my wages, and DH can't WFH full time either so 2 days is the most I can do, just have to accept the pay cut at the moment. I'm happy with this though, I'll let my career take a back seat while the kids are little. Don't get me wrong, money is tight while I'm part time but it wouldn't be any better if I was full time due to childcare costs.

CMOTDibbler · 05/12/2023 15:15

When they are at nursery, some people with a long commute will have them at nursery near work rather than near home.
When they are at school it is harder, but when my son was in yr R - yr 5 we decided that our need for rock solid wrap around care meant that private school where they had 07.30 - 6.30 cover included was the right choice for us. Otherwise its childminders, school breakfast club, out of school clubs (who deliver and collect your child from their school) or a part time nanny

MigGirl · 05/12/2023 15:16

Oh and others will often use childminders who do before and after school care. One of my friends used one from the start so her children already new the childminder and they didn't have to.worry about a change in childcare when they started school.

kiwimelonlime · 05/12/2023 15:16

Recently gone Part time so only need DH to do one days worth of drops offs / picks ups. Previously I worked nights from 5pm so I could do all of the School runs. Most friends use breakfast and after school clubs - Ours run from 7:30am until 6:30pm!

Sunshineandflipflops · 05/12/2023 15:17

We used a combination of breakfast & after school club, working p/t and my wonderful parents. Some people use child minders, work from home and plan the school runs into their working day or don't work.

ToddlerMumma · 05/12/2023 15:17

Can you share runs with your partner? We do breakfast & after school club 7.45am-5.30pm. Nursery is 8-5 for the youngest. Can you WFH alternate days with your partner perhaps? Or get a nanny? I hope you're compensated appropriately for that awful commute time!

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 05/12/2023 15:17

Wrap around care. Or working closer to the school. I drop off at 8.25am and I'm at work by 8.50am..

FeelingSoOverwhelmed · 05/12/2023 15:17

Being out of the house 12 hours plus a long commute isn't particularly sustainable with babies/young kids. For you and your partner I'd look at WFH/part time/condensed hours options or see if you have opportunities closer to home.
We manage by using breakfast and after school club. Plus I only work 3 full days and one short day where I do drop off and pick up. And I'm a teacher so around in the holidays!

Plmoknijbuhv · 05/12/2023 15:18

Like most a combination of breakfast/after school clubs. I worked slightly part time; 4 days of hours that I spread over 5 days to allow me finish early on three days. Husband worked full time but longer hours on three days so finished early two days to do pick up. Shorter commute of 25mins. All a juggling act but worked once you get in a routine. Now the real headache was school holidays!

NameChangeAgain23 · 05/12/2023 15:19

Some of us stick out 'cushy jobs' because of the flexibility - I know I do. That said, I still use a mixture of grandparents, after school club and breakfast club and i co-parent with my ex so he does drop offs and one pick up too as i still do have to work my hours / do my job!

Blanketpolicy · 05/12/2023 15:20

Dh did all drop offs.

I left for work really early (before they got up) so I was back earlier and I picked up from after school club just before 5pm and took to park if weather ok and/or home and started dinner.

Needs a team approach if both parents are working.

TravellingT · 05/12/2023 15:20

Unfortunately wraparound care may be your only option. Often this means one parent will stop working to care for the child as all their earnings go to fees anyway. Do you have a partner who can take your child to nursery/school?

Slitheringheights · 05/12/2023 15:20

I work a ten minute drive from the school. I work 9-3 Monday to Thursday. Currently off sick just now but going back 9-1 due to health reasons.

SaltyGod · 05/12/2023 15:20

I work full time (when not on Mumsnet) and I manage it by dropping at 8am which is when the school opens (private school so quite flexible) and the kids go inside to classrooms at 8.30.

We have a nanny that picks up at 4.30 and if I pick up I usually use late clubs until 5.30. The school do have provision for 8pm latest pick if you need it, but I don’t think many use this unless it’s an emergency.

I work locally or from home . DH does the longer commute. I don’t know anyone with kids where both parents commute long distance, or at least those that have tried it haven’t made it work beyond a year.

Plmoknijbuhv · 05/12/2023 15:21

Agree with@NameChangeAgain23 . If you can be established in a job when they start school it is easier to get some flexibility usually

Rainallnight · 05/12/2023 15:22

That would be a very long commute if you had kids

MigGirl · 05/12/2023 15:24

Oh and some have pointed out a nanny or private schools are an option if you earn that much. Unlike on mumsnet though most don't.

soundsys · 05/12/2023 15:25

In our case, DH shifted his hours later so he can do drop off at 8.45am and then head to work for 10am. I go in early and get in for 8am so I can leave in time to pick them up from tea time club at 5.30. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty exhausting. I wfh and finish early on a Friday so I can pick them up straight from school and this helps a lot (luckily I work for a small org where the CEO is also a mother of small children so she gets it!)

It is much easier when they're at nursery than when they start school, so you have a few years to settle into it!

gwenneh · 05/12/2023 15:26

We stagger work hours. I go in early, DH works from home so he does drop off for all three before starting work. I do the nursery pickup and the late pickup if anyone is doing activities after school, he does the regularly timed school pickup as it's only around the corner.

Stephisaur · 05/12/2023 15:26

DH & I work together, DS is in breakfast club and after school club.

So we all pile into the car at around 7.30am, drive 3 minutes up the road to school, drop DS off, drive 10 minutes to work. Reverse that for home time.

DS does 7.30-5.30 ish (4.30 on a Friday). Costs us around £400/half term. Nursery was similar hours but much more expensive.

megletthesecond · 05/12/2023 15:28

I negotiated a 9:30 start so I could walk the dc's to school then walk to work. Losing 30 mins pay was worth it for less stress and exercise.

Torganer · 05/12/2023 15:30

Does your partner commute the same distance too? Usually I do drop offs, and my husband does pick ups. I often have to travel to various parts of the country, and then my husband does both. Now I am more senior, I can be a lot more flexible.

Unlike other PPs, I don’t know anyone who works part time or has given up work. Possibly because we all live in London and have ridiculous mortgages, but most of us love our jobs too! None of us have family near either so some rely on wraparound care. We aren’t at school stage yet, but I’m dreading it!

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 05/12/2023 15:32

Mine are older now but I commuted into London 3 days a week throughout their childhoods. My employer agreed to me working reduced hours. I dropped at nursery at 8am (when they were school age substitute childminder) then commuted in for work starting 9:45am, worked until 3:45pm with 30 minutes lunch, commuted home and picked up from nursery about 5:45/5:50pm and drove home. When the youngest got to school I increased to 4 short days a week. When the youngest went to secondary I increased to 4 normal hours days a week. It was doable though tiring. Fortunately neither of my kids were ever sick much and both loved nursery and childminder. I used an after school club too when they were older primary age. They continued going to the childminders for breakfast though until they were 11 as they really enjoyed it. I should add first nursery gave them all their meals and then childminder cooked breakfast and dinner and they had school lunches. Employers are often flexible.

cadburyegg · 05/12/2023 15:33

Single parent here. I started a new job this year and negotiated my hours to be 9.30-4.30 Monday-Thursday and 9.30-2 on Fridays. This enables me to drop the kids off every morning, pick up from after school club 2 days a week and at normal time on Fridays. My mum does the other 2 pick ups. Their dad does pick ups sporadically so I can't rely on him in order for me to work. I also wfh 3 days a week which is much less tiring and stressful than commuting every day. The arrangement works because my dc don't love being away from me so this way they only do after school club twice a week. I'm very lucky to have my mum's support and flexibility in my job with an understanding employer. I also worked my way up in a flexible environment and work in a niche area so could negotiate hours. It's hard work though, most of my married / partnered mum friends work much fewer hours. I struggle to fit in time to do homework etc with the kids and my house is never clean

LolaSmiles · 05/12/2023 15:35

I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

You're being a bit unreasonable assuming that people who have flexibility have cushty jobs to be honest.

I know people in a range of sectors from public sector, private sector business roles, engineers, academics and many more who have flexibility as standard for their roles.

People I know tend to use wraparound care and share the drop offs with their partner. It means one person can drop off at 8-8.30 and start work around 9-9.30 and then work later or take a short lunch, and the other parent is in work for 8am, but leaves by 5pm to collect by 5.30/6pm.