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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

417 replies

BobbidyBibbidyBob · 05/12/2023 15:03

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

OP posts:
spriots · 05/12/2023 16:50

Wraparound at our school runs from 7am to 6:30pm. We don't use it 5 x a week but some parents do.

In your position, I would genuinely consider moving closer to work, that is a long commute and will be awkward when say your child is ill and you get the call to pick them up.

This sort of thing is why we have stayed in London rather than moving out to the home counties like a lot of our friends, our lives work much more smoothly with a 30-40 min commute than they would with your commute

mrsla1 · 05/12/2023 16:52

I drop my DS at 8:45 and start work at 9:30. I'm able to do this though as I only have a short commute

AuntMarch · 05/12/2023 16:52

Wraparound - in school or childminder

Autumnleavesss · 05/12/2023 16:57

Honestly, in your situation I just don't think it's doable. I don't know any parent who would do such a commute daily when they don't have a partner who doesn't work or works from home and can pop out for pick up/drop off. You may have more luck with private schools but quite honestly I would be looking for another job. What would you do if your child was ill and sent home from school?

spriots · 05/12/2023 16:58

The vast majority of the parents I work with work from home a few days a week and take time out to do the school runs. If they're not at home, their partners will do it or their family will help out.

This really surprises me because most parents I know who WFH part of the week still use wraparound care. What do the kids do when they get home? I can see it maybe works to leave them to their own devices if they are 8+ but surely most under 7s need more active supervision? Or is it just mine?

JudesBiggestFan · 05/12/2023 17:01

You need to be clear that having a baby is an active choice that will completely change your life. You will never be able to work in such a carefree way ever again. How you tackle it is up to you...I have three kids and have done every possible permutation. I've worked part time, my husband has too, we mix in home working and have picked public sector jobs that offer flexibility, we've used breakfast and after school clubs, family help...every possible permutation at different times. But always with the view that the children spend the maximum possible time at home with us. I have w been offered jobs further away, jobs that have more travel, so has my husband. Our careers could have soared without kids...but we decided that our lives were richer with them in and we've accepted limitations accordingly. Children have feelings, they want to see you, they get tired. I have one son in year 10 and he needs lifts after school more than ever...it never ends!

Caterina99 · 05/12/2023 17:03

I work part time 9-2ish and my commute is about 5 min. (But I don’t get paid much!). If I have a meeting or whatever then usually DM will help out or DH wfh and can be flexible.

Our school has no before/after school club and there’s no childminders in our area. Most people seem to rely a lot on grandparents or have flexible or part time work or shift work.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/12/2023 17:04

My DH and I both have an equivalent commute to yours, but we are heavily reliant on each other and on WFH to make everything work.

Our week looks something like this.

Monday - I WFH and do drop off and pick up (using wraparound care until 5.30). DH commutes.
Tuesday - as above but reverse roles
Wednesday - as Monday
Thursday - as Tuesday
Friday - my non-working day - I do drop off and pick up without wraparound.

Morningcoffeewithcookies · 05/12/2023 17:06

Solutions are:

  • Breakfast club
  • Work from home
  • Work part time
  • Change job
  • Move house

Also, dropping a kid at the nursery/school from 7.30 - 6.30 is not ideal for their well being at this young age, unless you can't do otherwise of course...

Weigh pros/cons and make changes if needed!

sleepyscientist · 05/12/2023 17:08

Grandparents (even working part time they are usually working closer to home), shift work (opposite shifts) and paid childcare.

We did grandparents plus shifts, as soon as he goes into year 6 he will get himself home. One of us will then be in just after 5.

It's hard but doable and normal for the majority of kids. My only wish is that after school hobbies started later say 7pm so we could do more during the week vs cramming them into a weekend.

DS is 10 sleeps 10pm-6am so plenty of time for family time

Rocknrollstar · 05/12/2023 17:09

You could find someone to come in early and give them breakfast and take them to school and then pick them up and supervise and feed in the evening. Maybe an au pair?

Althenameshavegone · 05/12/2023 17:10

Bear in mind that even with nurseries that are 8-6 you’ll find that most parents pick up at 5-5.15. My job is pretty flexible with 20-30min commute so I end up getting to work most days at 9:30 and have to leave at 5 as we have one at nursery and one at school so one of us takes one and one the other. Usually have to catch up on work at home. With one it was easier and we’d alternate early / late at work. I do one day at home to try and catch up on laundry and prep dinner and partner does the same. We are exhausted and I don’t think we have it that bad!

Morningcoffeewithcookies · 05/12/2023 17:10

I forgot to add that nursery, school, house, work are all max 10min drive for me.

Sounds like you need to make some changes fairly soon as your setup is not sustainable without help from partner/parents etc. ...

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/12/2023 17:11

This really surprises me because most parents I know who WFH part of the week still use wraparound care. What do the kids do when they get home? I can see it maybe works to leave them to their own devices if they are 8+ but surely most under 7s need more active supervision? Or is it just mine?

Yours and mine, and I suspect they’re hardly unusual. We use wraparound when WFH, unless there’s a problem (eg illness/wraparound not running, etc). Also, it’s potentially a disciplinary offence at my work to use WFH in lieu of regular childcare, and I don’t think my employer is the only one to have that policy.

kezzykicks · 05/12/2023 17:13

Our school doesn't have breakfast club and I don't know anyone who uses it. I have a job 5 minutes walk from school which starts at 9am but the others I know are either sahms, work partly from home and take it in turns with their partner, work part time, work flexibly (so make up time in the evening) or have a nanny.

boamorte · 05/12/2023 17:13

We use breakfast club 4 x days a week and after school club 3 x days a week for DD5

On the days I pick DD up I always wonder how others go on. I think a lot don't work

LBOCS2 · 05/12/2023 17:15

I exclusively WFH and my DC are in after school club until 6; it interrupts my work flow too much to go and get them at 3pm, and they would need more supervision than I'm able to give them (ie some supervision!). I do the drop off in the morning and am at my desk at 8.59!

Until I switched to WFH we used a childminder for childcare - she was much more flexible with her hours whereas we found that school wraparound care finished at 6pm, which made it impossible to get back for. Lots of commutes into London are around an hour door-to-door and even if you finish at 5.30 on the dot it's not possible to get back in time.

Housebuyer37 · 05/12/2023 17:17

Flexi time and wfh

SnufflyBunny · 05/12/2023 17:18

My husband worked long days, I did nights and weekends. No breakfast or after school clubs or childminders.

Bloodyhellmate · 05/12/2023 17:19

In my case yes I do just NOT. Fortunately though I don't need to work but I am school lunch support staff. I tried my hand at TA but they wanted me in early and it just wasn't worth it for me. The stress, paying for before school club when getting a really low salary anyway. We were all just stressed and fed up. I have no family support. My parents died. Luckily my DH is a high earner and we have my inheritance. I realise not everybody is in the position to be able to afford to work very part time.
I think there should be more flexibility for working parents.

Hayliebells · 05/12/2023 17:20

Breakfast/after-school club, childminders, grandparents etc. Often one parent will do drop off and the other collects, or one or both parents work part-time or wfh. The couples where both have really demanding jobs with long hours either have lots of grandparental help, or they have nannies.

KenAdams · 05/12/2023 17:21

Flexible jobs or alternating wfh days with partner.

Loupenny25 · 05/12/2023 17:21

It's a genuine question/issue to think about in advance!

My DH travels a lot for work so can't be relied upon for any help with pick up/ drop off (though obviously he helps when he's around - we just can't rely on it). I'm a teacher and I work about 60- 80 minutes away from home with the morning traffic.

We came to the conclusion that there was literally no work around that got our daughter to breakfast club at 7.30 and me into the classroom on time. There's no childminder for our local school and so my last day at my (very loved) job is next week. Moving to a school closer to home is literally the only solution for us 🤔

Fairylightfurore · 05/12/2023 17:22

I have a Flexible job that's homebase so work around it. I do emails in the morning at 7.30-8 to get ahead and be prepared for the day then have an hour to get kids chivvied up and fed/ out the house, walk to school etc and back at my desk and logged on for the day for 9, then work until 3, again log out and clock off for usually 45 mins to do pick up, sort them with snacks etc then log on for another hour or two depending on what after school activities we need to get to.

Hayliebells · 05/12/2023 17:24

Don't choose a school that doesn't have wrap around care if you're going to need it (Unless you can afford a nanny). Childminders can be tricky to find when they start school, as they'll often only do drop offs and pick ups for one school, so don't presume they exist without checking first.