To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

I have a very cushy wfh job and DH and I stagger our hours, I work 6:30 -3, DH works 9:30-5 so he does drop off and I do pick up. My parents managed working in the office by staggering hours, not having an insane almost 2 hour commute and we had an afternoon nanny for a few years when we were too little to be alone. We also grew up in the US where the school bus takes you, so parents kind of get 30 mins on either end.

Gosh well for a start I live in the midlands. All of our local schools have nurseries attached, they all do full school days 9-3 in-line with the 30 hours free childcare most people (including myself) receive from 3 years old. Some may do a slightly longer day so say 9-3.30 and charge you a couple of pounds for lunch cover (30 mins) as it’s outside of the 30 hours. The wraparound care obviously costs extra, as it would for any school aged child as well. You can do 1/2 days if you so wish, but most children I know do the full 5 days.

I actually grew up in a different part of the midlands an hour away from where I live now and I went to a school nursery in the early 90s, 5 full days, so all seemed pretty normal to me.

I did this commute (and a bit extra) for years with children. I’ve always done some wfh, but it’s fine. It’s definitely workable.

Most people don’t commute so far. I used to commute 15 mins, daughter went to breakfast club for 8am, I worked 8.30-2.30 (works out at 30 hours per week) and picked her up at 3.

Some of her friends used to either come to ours after school (if they had dance class after school they would come to ours and I would walk them to dance class at the end of our street) or go to the local nursery. Parents picked them up after work/dance class.

I’ve only been back at work full time for 2.5 years and my career was on hold for 10 years while I worked part time as I put her first (I was lucky to have a partner with a good job to help support this). Back to moving up the ladder again now though. Daughter is now 15 so now has her own key and is happy to have the house to herself for a while each day.

I felt the same. Work hours not compatible with school at all, and as single parent no other person to share it with.
breakfast and after school clubs are my solution (7.30-6) but still need help for days I am on call and finish later( thanks grandparents! - they have a 2 hr commute for this).

Other options are childminders who do school runs, but you get stuck if they are ill or on holidays. Nannies are costly but an option, if you can afford it.
obviously altering your job, if possible is also a good solution but not all jobs are flexible.
It is hugely stressful especially as they get 13weeks holidays a year and most holiday clubs don’t run 7.30-6.
i chose her primary school based on wraparound care availability not the best one for her which is sad, but only option childcare wise. I worried about this when she was a baby too, so understand how you feel. Just plan ahead and get them on waiting lists etc early if needed!

I work slightly reduced hours (0.9) so I can leave at 4 or 4.30pm on the days I collect to get back for 6pm after school club pick up, breakfast club makes it work in the morning. Other colleagues reduce core hours in the office but WFH around this at home to sort drop offs / pick ups. I don’t do this as with primary and teens no one is in bed until late and I hate having to log back on!

DH is self employed and always wfh. We used wraparound a bit. I then ended up wfh after covid and office closures too.

I think for us we basically shared the load. But unless you earn enough to employ a nanny you aren’t going to find the hours you describe sustainable.

A lot of mothers seem to bear more than half the load, if your career is important to you don’t accept bollocks about important man jobs etc.

It's called wraparound care and it's a pain in the bum to keep on top of. From securing a responsible childminder or club to sorting out payment, covering the one day the club can't, dealing with illness and inset days - welcome to the mental load.

That's so interesting as I say in the north west (so I've living in Liverpool and Manchester) school nursery's are uncommon and only offer half days
if you want 30 hrs term time there are usually private nurseries who will pick up your child after lunch and keep them for the rest of the day etc

where I live now in flintshire all schools have them but they only do half days and you arrange a private nursery to have them the rest of the day - you can access breakfast or after school club at our village school - but most parents use the little local nursery who will run them to school and collect them after

I think you’re starting from the wrong question. A 12 hour nursery day would be really tough for any baby/toddler, and I think unhealthy and unfair. Your baby will need to be in bed before 7.30pm too.
You don’t mention your partner. One easy answer others have mentioned is for one parent to drop off and other pick up - you say you only see Mums, and I do see more Mums on the school run, but for nursery I found sharing to be the norm. If you are both committed to long hours/long commute jobs, I hope they pay well enough that you can get a nanny because I can’t see how else you do this and be fair to your baby.
From my own experience, I found needs must meant I was able to do my job in fewer hours, 9-5 instead or 9-7 (same job, same quality - in fact promoted shortly after return from mat leave - but better time management and boundaries). When I had more full on periods I would sometimes log back on 7/8pm and finish in the evening, but kept my 5pm finish in the office as sacred. The culture where I worked allowed for this, early and evening meetings were unusual, no entertaining etc. and I only commuted 40mins drive. I used WFH flexibilities to manage emergencies and when my kids were sick - my Mum would WFH with me as DH job was on site only, and we’d juggle our meetings between us.

If this mega commute earns you an EXTRA £50k salary, get a nanny like the rest of the well paid London lot out there. You can afford it! I thought you were wondering how us poor sods who have normal wages manage!

Given as you are clearly a high earner then get a nanny. And that will sort the problem

To be fair though if the 50k takes her from 60 up to 110k then it would only gain about 20K in actual terms. You wouldn’t pay for a nanny with that.

There are lots of options and it’s always a juggle. Most people I know use one or more of nanny/au pair, balancing shifts, sharing pick ups etc between both parents and/or extended family, and wrap around care.

I laughed at all the comments that nobody can work 12 hours with kids and certainly not two parents work that, and ‘I realised I didn’t need to work those hours’ etc……pretty much everyone I know does exactly this. Critical care in hospitals (and many other essential services) would collapse if all the parents stopped doing that. People really do struggle to see beyond their own life don’t they - until they need an essential service at 3am on Christmas Day and expect it to be adequately staffed.

Private school that can cover 7.30am - 6pm on site.

Not do-able with this commute. What will you do when school calls and you need to collect your DC mid-day because they are sick or hurt?

The London weighting on the salary is to reflect the high living costs there. Living 1:45 away and enjoying a London salary could be a good idea pre-kids but you might have to choose eventually:London salary and live is a flat/smaller house or lower salary and live in a nice house.

I laughed at all the comments that nobody can work 12 hours with kids and certainly not two parents work that, and ‘I realised I didn’t need to work those hours’ etc……pretty much everyone I know does exactly this. Critical care in hospitals (and many other essential services) would collapse if all the parents stopped doing that.

If we are talking nurses a full time job is 3 3-day weeks per month and one 4. This isn’t the same as 5 days a week commuting to London and being out for more than that. It allows the other person to work their work around it/ some will be weekends anyway. In some ways it’s bizarrely flexible/ family friendly and you can always swap an awkward shift for one the younger single nurses hate.

Childminder who does drop offs and pick ups.

I think when people talk about kids changing your life this is what they mean. I realised that 12 hour days meant I would barely see my dd so I took a massive pay cut and moved 100 miles away to be closer to family.

For me having time with dd and not missing any milestones was the most important thing that mattered. I had my dd fairly young (26) and now she's an older teen im starting to focus on my career again.

I found working part time with a flexible employer was perfect when dd was little, I was able to to all the assembly's, sports days etc as well as juggle work if she was ill (which she frequently was.)

Your priorities change when you have a baby and rightly so.

I book all my appointments in school hours and then try to write my notes 3-5 and do all other paperwork then. Well I try too but often have to ask relatives to pick children up as the nature of my work is really unpredictable.

School wraparound care
Childminders
Changing start/finish times at work
Going part time
Sharing school runs with friends

You have no choice- there is no magic wand - welcome to working parenting.

I too often wonder this! My LO is in full time nursery, 8-6pm now and I dread when he starts school and having to figure this out and also school hols. Most private nurseries offer 7:30-6pm/6:30pm care so that’s one you’ll need. As for schools, you need to sort wraparound care. Try and find a primary school with decent breakfast and after school clubs, some near me that don’t offer them on site all use one provider who picks the kids up in a mini bus and drives them all to a play centre and you pick them up from there. They’ll usually do holiday clubs as well. Or get a childminder for before and after school - you usually drop them off about 7:30 and they’ll take your child to school, and they’ll pick them up and give them tea and you pick them up about 6pm (times will differ depending on childminder and they’ll usually have certain schools they do drop offs/pick ups for) x

Sorry just to add on the long commute, you would need to ensure you have someone else closer to home on hand to go and pick up LO if they’re poorly etc. Unfortunately child sickness at nursery and school is very common so you will get calls to pick them up. If the school/nursery have to wait nearly 2 hours for you to get there that will cause problems. My husband and I work 45mins-1hr away (luckily I home work half the days) and that’s the max I’d risk. Nurseries and schools expect parents to have a commute but 2 hours is unrealistic. In terms of your hours, you need to carve your child’s routine around you to an extent. For example, my SIL child goes to bed at 6pm every night - we get raised eyebrows when I say my 18m old goes to bed at 7:30/8pm. We aren’t even home at 6pm and while he’d probably go to bed then if we put him down, he’s still at nursery, needs his supper and bath. It does mean we have a tired ratty child for the evening though. If you don’t get in till 7:30pm, that means you need a childcare provider who will do all meals and homework (some childminders do or a nanny will) as it’s likely you’ll be getting in and LO is straight to bed.

Others have made interesting points regarding your commute. My nursery specifies you have to collect them within an hour of being called. Could you pick a nursery near work? Then you can get there quicker. Also child would be with you for the commute time meaning that you would need less hours in nursery and should be able to fit them into a normal day.
Also if as others have said earning the extra 50k pushes you just over 100k factor in that this will mean you don’t get tax free/ free childcare hours.
Don’t listen too much to all saying it’s mean on the baby. My first did full days from 6 months, 2nd from 8 months. Yes I only work 3 days a week but they are very long days. Children are tired but needs must 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I do think both parents being 1 hour 45 mins away from either nursery or school is an issue. If your child is ill they expect you to get there reasonably quickly I found.

Either moving closer or getting a nanny are probably the only solutions. But obviously with both parents getting home at 7.30 neither will see their child all week.