To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

I start late to get them to school and unfortunately work late to make up the hours, typically I work 10-10 or 10-8. Luckily I only do this 2-3 days per week.

DH finishes early enough to collect them. I do know lots of parents who drop of at 8:30 and make it to work for 9 though, I would say a majority drop off in uniforms or work clothes.

I work part time, so I work 3 days a week.
I don’t live in London but have to be at work no later than 8am. Eldest DD is 3, her school wraparound care opens at 7am, she will usually be there between 7.15-7:30 on the days I’m working. She can also stay until 6, she’s usually picked up closer to 5. It’s 3 days back to back and she finds it tiring (as we all do) but needs must. Youngest DD is 9 months so in a private nursery, she can go 7:30-6. Easier on the baby as she gets to nap and cuddle with the staff, oldest has to keep going.
I chose a school that had better wrap around care to suit my needs. Others didn’t open until 7:45 and that wouldn’t have been feasible for us. At least when they are in wrap around it’s less eye wateringly expensive 😂😂.

Our bigger issue is I’ve been back at work 6 weeks now. As I said 3 days a week so 18 days. I’ve been called to pick up a sick child 6 times!! It’s absolutely mental! And today I’m off sick as I’m 90% sure I have laryngitis, can’t speak at all and I’m a teacher 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you somewhere other than the UK? You say your 3 yo is at school.

Mixture
some simply can't return full time and do part time this is many many more women than people think
some have wfh ability at least some days a week but workplaces I have found generally do not like wfh replacing childcare so it just reduces the commute time - this is what we do
some use family like my sister uses my mum
some use wraparound care
some have Nannie's
some move closer to work or move work closer to home etc
my experience at the school gates tells me most mums work part time well over half

Both mine were too at age 3. It's called nursery class.

I’m in the UK. Technically it’s the school nursery. They can start when they are 3, I believe most schools have them. Still has to wear full uniform, can access wraparound care etc.

Oh right. I live rurally. Most schools around here start with Reception (4-5).

Breakfast club/after school club or childminder. Unless you are lucky and can afford to not work, work part-time, or work flexible hours.

Your husband needs to step up and be flexible too. You could both go part time to four days a week for example, leaving three days to be covered. You could stagger days so one of you starts early/leaves early and vice versa.

Your child is going to get ill so you need to think about that.

in all honesty, you may wish to move anyway because of schools so think about that. But I would aim to shorten the commute for both of you. If you both commute in to London, what happens if the trains are screwed while you’re in London? Can’t get back for pick up?

these are things me and my husband grappled with. In the end we had a nanny until the kids went to school, then switched to clubs (before and after school) and now we both can WFH 2 days a week so we mix it between us so one of us is always home (I work 4 days a week).

WFH, wraparound care, share load with partner. It’s doable.

Done all of those! DD was dropped to family member then dropped to nursery picked up by different family member and then picked up by me! By the time I had DD2 had to change jobs wasn’t sustainable for me

No it's not that common
but it is area dependent
For example In wales all schools start at 3 years old full uniform etc but it's half days only and it's the same curriculum as the preschool in England
but in England it's variable and area dependent in Liverpool I knew of only a handful of schools with a nursery attached
whereas my friends further south practically all schools had a nursery
but any school nursery I have come across is still only half days (essentially the 15hrs) and any outside that you paid for
and that do full hours must be privately run as a business if say and not technically part of the school

Breakfast clubs, after school clubs, and a cushty flexible wfh job 😂 even with the wrap around care I can barely make it work when I have to be in the office, certainly can’t do it and meet my contractual hours, even paying for wrap around. Does it limit my career having to stay in jobs that will allow a degree of flex? Yes. Would I want to work somewhere that didn’t trust me to sort my schedule to facilitate my life? No. If current employer won’t allow flex then you’ll have to outsource but it will mean not seeing your kids at all all week. I assume you’ll end up changing jobs if you can’t get them to agree.

There is before and after school care. Also neighbours with teenaged that can babysit.

use the one that works for you. Then explore other options when kids goes to school. Aupairs are great too.

but yes a lot of my coworkers after having second kids will quit. It’s not economical after taxes and childcare to bother working. And I’m taking university degrees, with supportive husbands.

also start looking now for places with more flexible work.

I stay home with the kids because like millions we can't afford childcare. DH works from home and takes break to run one kid to school while I run the other kid to a different school with the baby. It works pretty easy.

Your problem is not the child but rather than you have a nearly 2 hour commute (nearly 4 hours per day traveling). That's not really sustainable when you have responsibilities waiting at home.

It sound like you either need to move your house close to your job or your job closer too where you live.

It’s really hard to get that balance right , you some how make it work as best you can , your commute sounds like nightmare 😬I have 4 kids , 10, 8, 6, 1 year old ( so 3 at school , 1 at nursery) and work part time 20 hours a week, can’t work any more or cost of childcare wouldn’t be worth me doing! Lucky all drop offs are pretty close together . It’s a very tight schedule of drop off and pick ups ! 8am drop off nursery , 8.25am first school drop off x2 , 8.35am second drop off x1, luckily on same school site juniors and infants schools but a short walk from each other) then work for 9am !! Finish work 2.30pm if lucky and not running late ! Then first pick up 3pm and 3.10pm , quick tea then on to kids after school dance lessons then pick up from nursery on way home for 6pm !! 😞then bed !!! Exhausting

The only way we manage is to get DD1 into the primary school in the next village, where I am a teacher. I work like mad between 7.30 and 4.30, then start again at 7 when the children are in bed. DD1 is in reception and thinks breakfast/after school club is brilliant because she gets to play with the older children, so that’s one less thing to feel guilty about.

DD2 stars preschool soon, and the only way we can manage those hours is by the in laws - who currently have her four days a week anyway - doing drop offs and pick ups until she starts reception at my school in 2025.

DH is self employed so can’t adjust his hours much without affecting finances.

Basically, you need a combination of suitable work hours, family support and wraparound care. And even then it’s a carefully balanced house of cards that you pray doesn’t come tumbling down…

Nursery 730 -545pm then breakfast club 730am afterschool club until 630pm

DH did the drops as I was already in the office at 730am to get my hours in as FT 40hr per week. I would do the pick ups. He started from home 8am as his isa manual job so officially his hours start from home of where he collected materials from.

Since covid slightly easier as in the office 2-3days per week but now in highschool I'm at that stage where old enough to walk to and from but not quiet old enough to be left so days working at home I do extra long 10/11 hr days so I can on office days commute back the 45min-1hr commute And be back the same time

Surely you and/or your DH realise that you will have to make significant changes? Even if you took a full year maternity leave, you surely wouldn't be thinking of using childcare 11-12 hours a day , 5 days a week for a one year old?

1hr 45 commute is a lot.
A lot of parents either stop work or go part time.
We used a childmibder who did school drop off/pick up and later breakfast club

we also split drop off and pick up. OH would drop off and I would go to work, getting in for 8/8.30, then I would leave work earlier and pick up Around 5.30/6pm

Feels like if you’ve got the kind of salary that can have a 50k difference by being in London vs not, you probably can afford a house with a shorter commute to work. But likely not as nice a one as you have got now. Don’t rule out a “less good” house traded for a shorter commute.

Sometimes there’s no other option. I hope OP doesn’t have to do this as it’s awful - I had to and hated it. But exH walked out when DD was 2 days old, so not much choice. I ended up moving to a vastly cheaper area in order to be able to go p/t whilst DD was small, but still had to extend the mortgage massively to reduce the payments enough. Not everyone can do that though given work and support network constraints.

School wrap around service, many schools will have an associated provider, particularly in areas where you have a lot of professionals.

We have drop off breakfast club from 7.30am. Wrap around is available until 6pm, but we have a relative pick up DC at 4pm in order that homework gets done in the afternoon (wrap around won’t do this).

In your case if you have no relatives to hand it might be an idea to get a childminder for after school or to move to flexible working hours which you are more than entitled to do after children.

I only know two women who work a full 5 day+ week. Most on 2 1/2 - 4 days.

The govt is currently throwing money at wraparound care in an appeal to working parents. By sept 2026 parents are expect to have access to wraparound care either in school or from another provider.