To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

It's important for women to have financial independence. I did not work when DS was a baby and when I split up from my partner I ended up homeless.

So that the parents can go to work.

I completely agree, I think it's incredibly important for women to work and have their own money. Being a SAHP is very risky in my opinion. But a balance is needed and I don't think having a young baby in nursery 11 hours a day is a good option for parent or child.

Breakfast and afterschool clubs. You need to ensure the primary school you send them to has this provision. Either that or a childminder.

The only women I know who worked full time with young kids would split everything and I mean everything 50:50 with their partners/husbands. (Or have full time nanny plus cleaner etc). None of this my job is more important than yours so I can’t possibly leave work at 2pm to pick up the child as nursery have called and they’re sick (this will happen a lot). Doesn’t matter who earns more (my mistake).

Then once you have that sorted you need to accept and be ok that two people with full time jobs in London getting home at 7.30 are not going to see their children. That again applies to both the mother and the father. But that’s where the balance may shift as some couples may think it’s important to have at least one parent (mother or father) seeing their child in the week. It’s a shame this defaults often to the woman and this needs to change.

As a society we still have a lot of work to do but it’s definitely better than when I was juggling 15 years ago.

The only women I know who worked full time with young kids would split everything and I mean everything 50:50 with their partners/husbands.

This is good to hear. It was not my experience at all, certainly when my now 24 year old was small. The default assumption from childcare providers, school and employers was that Mum was responsible for the children.

Ill child - call Mum.
Employer casually remarks "oh you won't be able to come to that meeting because of the kids"
Teachers saying "ask Mummy if she can......"

DT’s are now in their early 20’s but when they were at school, DH’s contact details were listed before mine as he worked nearer to the school than me.

Well I'm a lone parent and I worked full time, certainly could not afford a cleaner or nanny! I didn't have a long commute though, it was about 30 minutes from the school and it wasn't a "career" per se so I only worked the hours I was paid for, 8am-4.30pm.

Yes impressive doing all that as a lone parent.

I do think the hours, flexibility and commute have a huge impact too. Both parents coming home at 7.30 is going to be tricky for the OP.

*Yes impressive doing all that as a lone parent.

I do think the hours, flexibility and commute have a huge impact too. Both parents coming home at 7.30 is going to be tricky for the OP.*

I am also a lone parent.
I have worked full time from home for many years and have a great deal of flexibility. The most challenging time were the long school holidays (DS is older now), which is an issue when children are school age rather than nursery (open all year round).

Sorry I havnt read all 13 pages of replies but…..do people really ‘drop off’ their children (sounds like taking a stained dress to the dry cleaners rather than having a child cared for) ..so do the drop off children at 7.30 am and pick them up (sounds like collecting an item at Tesco) at 7.30pm???
WHY???
Do they realise how much they miss of their child’s development & how much the child misses a parents care & nurturing?
Is the car & salary really worth it?
Ive put my flack jacket on stand-by!

I dropped mine off at 7.30am and collected at 5pm.

Yes, being able to pay the rent and buy food was worth it, since as a lone parent my wage was the SOLE household wage.

Do what's best for you and mind your own business on what others choose to do. It's absolutely nothing to do with you.

I haven’t RTFT but my DGS7 goes to breakfast club at 0730-0740 most mornings and after-school club until 1730 three times a week. I’ve no idea what it costs but as a high-earning single parent it’s the only way she can work full time. At least DGS is able to amuse himself if DD has calls or teams meetings on the days he comes home straight after school. His father has him overnight one school day and alternate weekends, as a 6th form teacher he can’t just rock up late and leave early to accommodate the primary school day.

DH dropped off 7.45 and I collected by 6 - why because we wanted excellent breakfast and after school clubs whilst we went to work. DT’s loved it - breakfast with their friends, football, crafts and fun! They hated when we collected them early and they were in the middle of a game. Yes it was worth it - happy children = happy parents.

You need a shorter commute !
The breakfast clubs near us don’t open until 7.45AM. Not sure how parents then get to the office in time for 9AM unless they are close by.

Part time work, grandparents, childminders, pre and after school wraparound clubs. Welcome to the realities of being a working mum.

@Gall10 yes people do have to do that because mortgages and COL, particularly those who have to commute

My kids are at primary, and I shit you not, I have had to fight the school to get them to call DH at all. The only thing that worked was making them delete my number, and then - and I swear I am not making this up - someone in the school office took my number from my email signature, re-added it without my permission, and they started calling me first again. This despite the fact we both work FT, I spend 60% of my time in the office and he spends 90% WFH.

This is a London primary that offers good wraparound where the vast, vast majority of parents both work.

Another thread that reminds me of Motherland. When Julia is shouting at Mrs Lamb ‘did you call my husband? No I thought not’

So many things need to change. Schools should clearly have both parents number and stop defaulting to the mother.

It's baffling. So many school staff are working parents/mothers hoping that they themselves don't get 'the call'.

Financial security isn’t something to be sniffed at, especially for women.

I did think of it, I have thought about, and have wrecked myself with anxiety thinking about, pretty much every conceivable angle of having a child. I can confidently say there are that many mothers that have not or did not. Alot can happen between pre-conception and having a school aged child, I might have been well off enough to send it to boarding school, but now might not be (for example, before you come at me for boarding school). I am not surprised by any of the answers here because I had already thought about them all - I was just simply asking for recommendations on ways to go about it.

It is a horrible waste of time but its a circa £50k difference in salary so you can appreciate it's not an easy decision..

Can you move closer to work?

But aren't you jumping ahead a lot by worrying about primary school wraparound care? A lot of people here are pointing out the problems you'll have with a young baby in nursery for such long hours which seems like a more immediate issue.