To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

I ended up giving up work after our twins arrived as childcare costs outstripped earnings if I stayed.

We used nursery in the early years until our eldest started school. They did half days and my parents picked them up after lunch.

When it got to early school years, I simply couldn't work. The school mine attended simply wasn't big enough in terms of numbers for wrap around care to work. Many full time working parents used a childminder to do drop off and pick up as at least that was continuity, and the child went to the minders during the extensive school holidays as well - even splitting leave 50/50 between parents rarely covers the whole holiday period each year. And that's assuming employers allow everyone to have the school holiday leave they need (most don't).

As mine got older, I made friends with school gate mums and when we got jobs, we did an assorted cover of pick up and drop off. We all worked school hours and term time only. Breakfast club and the odd after school club helped, but the latter was not guaranteed to have space as it was enrichment rather than childcare.

Some parents opted for compressed hours so they worked a full time week in 4 days. Often the lions share fell on mums

I was lucky when I went back to work as I took a term time only school job so had all the holidays at home. Dh took the odd extra day where my school was back and the kids were off.

Tbh, it got easier to work when they all hit secondary school as now I can trust them to be home alone until I get back from work. We all leave the house at the same time time and during holidays I have a mix of work from home, annual leave and dh's shifts so the kids might only be home 'alone' (eldest nearly 16 and very capable) for a day or 2 most weeks during the longer holidays.

My sister relied on family to fill the gap between school and her arriving home.

It's damn near impossible unless you either earn enough to pay for wrap around care, or can budget it for a few years sacrificing other things, or have a network of friends and family you can share the load with.

I did my fair share of babysitting friends kids for whole days when my kids were younger and I was a sahm, just to help friends and family who were utterly stuck.

The teachers at my son’s school are all gone between 4.30 and 5pm.

Is it an academy which gives its teachers the ready made PowerPoints?
I just wouldn’t be able to feel I’d done everything to progress the kids if I didn’t plan and adapt lessons as we go.

They must have a much better work/life balance 😭

When dc was in nursery I commuted to London 3 times per week, out of house 7.15- 6.45 (doing a doctorate). Dh adjusted his hours slightly to drop dc off at 8 and pick up by 6 on those days. It was hard going and I was shattered, even commuting pt. Once qualified I got a local job.

I think unless you and your partner work as a team and have some sort of flexibility it's really difficult. We had no family to help.

If you and your dh work in same industries earning the same then what I'd do is both put in flexible working request to reduce to 4 days each. Then you need childcare for 3 days. If you can each negotiate 1 day wfh (different days) then it would reduce commute and mean pick ups are easier/ less stressful. Then you've only one day that is hard and you hope and pray your dc isn't sick on that day!

I start at 8am in a school nursery and used a childminder.

Flexible working and being able to split it with DH, basically. Two primary age DC, both DH and me work full time.

At their previous school, DC went to breakfast and after school clubs which wasn't ideal as it a long day for them. They both moved schools this year and now only go to after school. DH and I juggle drop offs.

If it wasn't for a hybrid working pattern and a very understanding boss, though, there's no way I'd be able to do this. Pre pandemic, I had to be in the office every day. Couldn't do that now with school hours - even with wraparound care. I am so grateful for hybrid working!

That said, it's full on and mornings are never not stressful!

We chose a school with breakfast, after school and holiday clubs. DH dropped off and I collected.

With our first born, I went back when he was 5 months old and left home at 7.15 am and came back at 5.30 pm. We used a childminder first then the breakfast club of the nursery (my husband did the drop off at 7.45 am as he had a job nearer than mine). Our child is autistic but we didn't know at the time. He really struggled with long days and a busy environment and we know we'll live with the guilt forever but that's for us to deal with. Anyway, with our second child, I had managed to change jobs and decided to keep to 3 days a week when I was pregnant. My husband kept on doing breakfast club drop offs but I had my child 2 days a week so no nursery. When our second child was born, I was on maternity leave so could drop my first one off at 8.45 am and pick him up at 3.20 pm. That was great. Then lock downs happened and I was lucky enough I didn't need to go back to work straight away. I did home schooling with my first while my second was napping. When I went back, she was just over a year old and I went back 2 days a week. I had my daughter the other 3. We shared the drop offs and pick ups with my husband. Since she's started school, my husband does most of the drop offs as he can WFH and his job is flexible. I have to work with very rigid times but I finish earlier than my husband and can do pick ups twice a week as they go to after school clubs. He does two pick ups when he WFH. Right now, I've got two friends picking my children on a Friday afternoon as there's no after school club.
It's been and continues to be a massive juggle but we can make it work with flexible jobs (zero hours contracts basically, but fairly well paid). The logistics are evolving all the time. Circumstances change too. Hopefully, you'll find a balance but it's hard, especially if you have no family around.

I WFH so just do the drop off then walk home for 8:45.
If I didn’t wfh then I would use breakfast club, starts at 7:30.
DH does pick up at 15:15 (or 16:15 2 days due to after school activities) as he is usually finished work by them.

Breakfast club and after school club or childminder.

I think many posters on this thread state that fathers are doing a lot of drop offs/pick ups. We have a long way to go, but it is going in the right direction.

Seeing a Dad at the school gates 20 years ago was still quite a novelty, these days no one bats an eyelid.

Maybe they are parents off to collect their children before childcare closes. Then they go home, have an evening with the children and then do more school work.

It’s totally possible to work full time in London with kids. The problem is your massive 1.45hr commute each way! What a waste of precious time.

There's still a long way to go. Like pp said, those comments are almost always aimed towards women and it certainly doesn't help.

drop dh to train, first set of kids to secondary, second set to primary, wait for the earliest time they allow the kids into the yard then go to work (40 minutes away). If there’s any extra traffic at all aside from using would be late and get told off. Not ideal at all

Breakfast club and after school club.

Your poor baby pulled from their sleep to be put in a crèche for 11 hours a day!

What's the point.

I’m a teacher and we offer breakfast club from 7.30 and after school club until 5.30. Some parents don’t work or wfh, some have the help of grandparents or other parents who help out. We also have some with nannies who do pick up and drop off. Nursery also bring children and pick them up and provide the care either side. Everyone manages it differently.

As a parent myself, I only went back 2 days after both of mine and didn’t go up to 3 until they were able to attend nursery with free hours from the age of 3. It’s tough financially going back part time but you adapt and I, personally, think the financial hit is worth it to spend more time with your children in those first years. Don’t stress about it now because you don’t know how you’ll feel about work once your baby comes along. I would say that a commute like yours on a regular basis is fairly unsustainable with young children but that will depend on how much wider support you’ll have and what role your partner takes - everyone has different circumstances.

I’m a single mum and I’m a nurse so I do shift work. Only work part time but I try and do many weekends and nights

Breakfast clubs and afterschool club for us on my working days. I also had to move locations for work to one that was a shorter commute, and reduced my days from 5 to 3 days a week.

I barely know any mums that work full time, most are part time and/or can work from home/ have family nearby to do childcare. We do T have jobs that can be done from home, and our families live 80 miles away so have no help with childcare, it is hard if I'm honest and takes a lot of juggling!

Financial security
Financial independence
Career progression
Setting an example that mothers can work and have a career, it isn't just for fathers

Just to name a few.

There's lots of points in using full time nursery.

The reason I work part time is I had a ft job with a commute of 1 hour and they expected me to work in the evening at home. I felt like I never spent any time with the baby. And my mum had her!

@SouthLondonMum22 when does the mothering but happen.......

The same as when the fathering happens when fathers work full time.