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Original poster

Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
HMW1906 · 05/12/2023 16:14

Cancel the hotel room, take the shoes back, end the friendship now.

She won’t let you alter your dress as she wants you to look terrible, her friends didn’t speak to you at the hen party because she’s spread a load of lies about you to them (they wouldn’t treat you like that just because you’re not married and don’t have a child unless they are a pack of bitches, in which case you don’t want to know them anyway). She wants you to wear a sash saying no alcohol!!!

Cut your losses now and walk away why wait until after the wedding, you won’t be friends anymore anyway so what does it matter if you were at the wedding or not.

Anisette · 05/12/2023 16:14

Tell her that you will only be bridesmaid if you have your own hotel room, if the dress is altered so that it fits you, if she tells the caterers about your allergies and asks them to prepare something separate for you, and if she bins the insane "No alcohol" sash. Warn her that if you turn up on the day and any of these things have not been done, or if she tries to control you in any other unreasonable way, you will turn on your heel and walk away.

That way, when you inevitably have to pull out (because she won't be able to agree to those) it will be entirely her doing. Block her completely from that point onwards.

Face it, if you don't do any of that, the day will be utterly miserable and she'll find several more ways to make it even worse for you, and you're going to fall out anyway. So you might as well get it over and done with.

StaunchMomma · 05/12/2023 16:16

Christ, I've just realised you refer to her as your 'best friend' in the title.

You're not her best friend, OP, you're her chosen victim!

BigDahliaFan · 05/12/2023 16:17

Why on earth would you go? Book a lovely weekend away for you and your partner and cancel the hotel room you've booked or get them to move to another weekend that you and your partner can use it.

Bearpawk · 05/12/2023 16:18

If this is real, and I'm highly surprised if it is because surely nobody would be such a mug -
She's abusing and bullying you. Try to get a refund on your room and the shoes then tell her she's insane, you're not coming to the wedding and block her,

ButterCupPie · 05/12/2023 16:19

SwedeCarrotLimes · 05/12/2023 15:55

Are their brides to be that actually behave like this in real life? And do people really exist that allow themselves to be trodden on in such a way?

I have a cousin who was like this. Her own mother told me to back away for my own MH.

Pumpkinpie1 · 05/12/2023 16:20

Friends don’t behave like this
She is deliberately doing nasty things to humiliate you . I woudnt be surprised if she said things behind your back at the hen do - be very wary
No one does things like that , madness
listen to your MIL and DP they are right .
Run for the hills this is not a real friendship

AnneValentine · 05/12/2023 16:22

You’re insane for evening considering going to the wedding.

Sauvblanctime · 05/12/2023 16:24

Theresit · 05/12/2023 15:56

I’m struggling believe any of this.

Same

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/12/2023 16:28

No no no. This is nothing short of coercively controlling abuse . I can bet if anybody comments on the too big dress, she will make it entirely your fault. She's going to humiliate you all day. This bitch is not your friend. How fucking dare she give away a room you've paid for! Cancel it. Please don't go to this wedding. It'll be a nightmare, your Mum and DP are absolutely right. Who cares whether it's fair or not? She doesn't care about you!

Merryoldgoat · 05/12/2023 16:28

The number of people on here with ‘friends’ who clearly hate them is staggering.

YouOKHun · 05/12/2023 16:34

“Bridezilla” is the tip of the iceberg. It’s sounds like her wedding has just accelerated some very odd and controlling behaviour. It’s not just controlling and odd, it’s properly nasty to use you as a punchbag and to try and diminish you in any way she can.

Clearly the people who care about you can see she isn’t a friend and if I was you I’d be asking for their support (if you need it) while you message her today (or as soon as you’ve retrieved any money you can) to say you no longer intend to be her bridesmaid or have anything further to do with her. She may bombard you but I would stonewall her and get those who really are on your side to back you up. Don’t explain, don’t apologise, don’t try and reason with her, you owe her nothing.

Not only should you not go to the wedding, you should keep right away from her for good. If this isn’t clear to you then I agree with others, it would be really worth getting some counselling (have a look at the BACP website) to help you recognise how problematic this friendship is and to help you change your expectations and approach so she can’t insert herself back into your life (because she will probably try until she finds another emotional punchbag).

QueenofTerrasen · 05/12/2023 16:37

Tell her to fuck off and don't go. Cancel the room and get refunded.

ChateauMargaux · 05/12/2023 16:40

Is this the new 'cancel the cheque'... cancel the room.. cancel the friendship... cancel the shoes... whatever.. don't go!

If you are feeling really charitable and want to give her a 'last chance'... tell her..

Dear Bridezilla, I am feeling increasingly unwelcome as part of your wedding party. I will not wear a dress that is 2 sizes to big. I will not pay for a room for your fiancé to sleep in or pay £400 to sleep in sheets someone else has slept in. I will not wear a sash that humiliates me. I will not eat food that will harm me. I would prefer to be treated like a friend, or at least like the other bridesmaids and that you had invited my partner to your wedding and that you and your friends had included me in the hen do rather than tell me I am hard to relate to and refuse to engage in conversation with me. I know your wedding day is important and I would absolutely do everything in my power to help you all day and ensure you had the best day possible, but it is not in my power to attend as things stand. I am sorry dear friend, but if I mean anything to you, please understand that I cannot attend under these circumstances.

ButterCupPie · 05/12/2023 16:41

Sauvblanctime · 05/12/2023 16:24

Same

Show quote history

The truth can be stranger than fiction.

AelinGalathynius · 05/12/2023 16:42

She sounds batshit. Either that or just a truly horrible person. Probably both. She’s not your friend in any way shape or form, she’s treating you horribly and it sounds like she wants you at the wedding not as a bridesmaid but as her servant. A nanny for the baby the night before I have no doubt, so she doesn’t have to wake up. Then probably her PA during the day, fetching her drinks and generally doing whatever she asks. Run away now. Don’t wait!

Couldyounot · 05/12/2023 16:42

OP, it's quite clear where you stand with this woman. You're not her friend, you are a mixture of punchbag and plaything. Bin all this off now (as just about everyone else has suggested) and let one of her cunty little acolytes do the job instead. You are not obliged to accept this treatment.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 05/12/2023 16:42

I can't help wondering if she's already decided she doesn't want you there and is deliberately being as awful as she can. Don't go to this wedding. Above all, don't listen to what she says, block her everywhere and don't send her so much as a card.

Sauvblanctime · 05/12/2023 16:42

ButterCupPie · 05/12/2023 16:41

The truth can be stranger than fiction.

Show quote history

It can, but no update from OP..

SignoraItaliana · 05/12/2023 16:46

I don't believe this. Sorry. No-one could be that much of a wet lettuce. A 'no alcohol' sash FFS? People will think you are a recovering alcoholic.

IncompleteSenten · 05/12/2023 16:48

Merryoldgoat · 05/12/2023 16:28

The number of people on here with ‘friends’ who clearly hate them is staggering.

Fucking nuts, isn't it?

Makes me wonder what someone would have to do for the penny to drop that they are not a friend.

ButterCupPie · 05/12/2023 16:49

SignoraItaliana · 05/12/2023 16:46

I don't believe this. Sorry. No-one could be that much of a wet lettuce. A 'no alcohol' sash FFS? People will think you are a recovering alcoholic.

Isn't it bad etiquette to cast doubt on an OP's tales?

Truecrime · 05/12/2023 16:50

Jeez walk away ! don’t go to the wedding tell her the reasons why .I would hate being treated like that and hate being bossed about .

RampantIvy · 05/12/2023 16:53

Christ, I've just realised you refer to her as your 'best friend' in the title.

If she is her best friend, I hate to think what are the other friends are like.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2023 16:55

She's always been controlling. And she clearly knows you're too soft to resist.

If you don't tell her to go to hell you're an absolute fool and you deserve all you get.

I cannot believe that there are so many people willing to be abused by so-called 'friends' !