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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 05/12/2023 14:21

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Toomuchcawfee · 05/12/2023 14:21

You are being unreasonable not to just ditch her immediately and not attend the wedding. She isn’t your friend. You are her punching bag.

Justcallmebebes · 05/12/2023 14:23

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This! This woman is no friend of yours

Sallyh87 · 05/12/2023 14:24

Leave the friendship now! She is unhinged.

For me the sash is the worst bit, that is so bizarrely controlling! Although it’s all bad.

KeyboardMash · 05/12/2023 14:25

Yeah..... what they all said. Literally all of them. You have absolute consensus here.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 05/12/2023 14:25

She's not a friend and there is no way you should go to the wedding!!!

What a b*&^h

DottieMoon · 05/12/2023 14:25

She is not your friend, she does not respect you and does not give a shit about you. Sounds like you wants you as a servant at her beck and call. You have allowed her to treat you like this and need to stop it now.

You would be an idiot to go to the wedding! Walk away now. Have some self respect!

Honeyroar · 05/12/2023 14:25

If this is real you’re crazy for allowing her to do this to you! Her and her friends that ignored you are probably laughing their heads off at how much you’ll put up with. It sounds like she’s pushing you and pushing you into throwing in the towel.

shearwater2 · 05/12/2023 14:26

Bloody hell.

I would have stopped here:

She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).

Give her an ultimatum, either you get a dress that fits, you have your hair how you like, you and only you get to sleep in your room, DP gets invited all day, you won't be wearing any no alcohol sash and will drink what you bloody like, you get food you can actually eat, you forthwith resign as a bridesmaid and a friend and never want to see the stupid fucking bitch ever again.

WagathaCreamT · 05/12/2023 14:27

Please don't go to the wedding, and please don't have anything else to do with this awful person. She's not your friend, she's cruel and unkind, and you need to get as far away from her as possible. Immediately.

Sallyh87 · 05/12/2023 14:28

I think the voting is not going to be accurate. I imagine many people are voting YABU, to have put up with any of this.

Allmarbleslost · 05/12/2023 14:30

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cleanasawhistle · 05/12/2023 14:30

Please do not let this woman or anyone else treat you like something they have stepped in.
Its so hard to leave longstanding friendships....but if she cared about you she wouldn't risk losing you

plumtreebroke · 05/12/2023 14:30

She's making a fool of you, tell her to get lost and you're not going. You don't get a room, you don't get to eat, you don't get to drink, her friends don't like you, you're going to look like a clown, your DP can't be there to protect you. Just don't go!

Shufflebumnessie · 05/12/2023 14:31

You need to leave the friendship now, not wait until after the wedding. Run!!!

Abouttimemum · 05/12/2023 14:32

She’s batshit. I’d not be going to her wedding.
I’d also be cancelling my room reservation.

Jk8 · 05/12/2023 14:32

She wants you there as her last 'friend' without responsibilities & her actual bridesmaids are just miffed by it as theyre also paying/investing time & energy into her ontop of looking after familys which is why their blocking you out

• you don't need to wear a sash
• you don't need to eat the food (I'd even go as far as to leave after the ceromony/arrival at The venue photos as you've done your bit
• you don't need to keep intouch afterwards
• you don't need to worry about footwear on the day
• get some double sided sticky tape / fashion tape for the dress & if on the day she has a meltdown about how it actually looks in person walk out

Ect.

thedukeofbuckinghamshire · 05/12/2023 14:32

Good god!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/12/2023 14:32

exactly. I cant vote YANBU if the OP still wants to attend.

Andthereyougo · 05/12/2023 14:33

So you’re paying hundreds of pounds to be bridesmaid to a woman who treats you like dirt. Why would you do this?
Cancel the room, tell her you won’t be attending. End of.

WickedSerious · 05/12/2023 14:34

I'd cancel the hotel room and fuck her off,this woman is not your friend.

Raindancer411 · 05/12/2023 14:34

As others have said, this is not a friendship and I would cancel the hotel, return the shoes and find people that value you.

To be making you change how your long and buying a dress too big speak to me as she is jealous of your looks, so doesn't want you to outshine her.

As for the allergies, my son has epi pens and I have always told him a true friend will not put you at risk and will understand that you cannot have food that's been near the allergen.

As for the hotel room, she is trying to save money and get you to pay, so don't give her they option.

If you aren't planning to stay friends after the wedding, I would t worry about letting her down now.

Look after YOU!!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 05/12/2023 14:36

I put YABU on the basis that you asked about leaving this friendship after the wedding, which is completely unreasonable. You need to leave it now. She's either absolutely out of her bloody tree or she's trying to force you to end the relationship by putting more and more extreme demands on to you.

BlokeHereInPeace · 05/12/2023 14:36

Love the idea of wearing a sash that tells people you aren't allowed to enjoy yourself.

Dear Friend

I'm unable to take any part in your wedding as I do not believe your attitude to me is in any way positive. Please do not contact me in any way from now onwards.

Yours,

Poshpaddington

mn29 · 05/12/2023 14:36

“Leave this friendship after the wedding” - you need to leave it NOW! She’s being completely unreasonable and controlling. Listen to your mum and partner!

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