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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
FallingStar21 · 05/12/2023 18:25

PamFritters · 05/12/2023 13:43

She’s not your friend.

Can you honestly hand on heart say that you think any of this is normal? You dont owe her a single thing. Walk away now.

This

jenny38 · 05/12/2023 18:25

Well I'm in team "run away now". However if you really don't want to do this, then: my partner is staying over the night before, so we will be using the room I have paid for. Its such a shame he's not invited to the day time, but he will be enjoying the leisure facilities and having lunch I'm the bar. Obviously I will pop out to check he's OK regularly.
You can burn the no alcohol sash now, I'm an adult and will drink what I want.
No idea about the dress- but I would suck it up for the day time, and get changed for the evening. I really don't think you are going to enjoy this wedding and can't fathom why you are going. Has she been an amazing friend up until now? Given her controlling nature, I don't think the marriage stands a chance! Please update us Op

therealcookiemonster · 05/12/2023 18:26

OP seems to have disappeared into the ether. maybe the bridezilla has kidnapped her? any volunteers for a search party?

Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 18:27

Best friend? I feel awful for you. This is so bad, you'd think it was made up.

verabarbleen · 05/12/2023 18:31

This is awful! You are in an abusive and controlling relationship with your "best" friend. Don't go to the wedding she sounds evil and jealous .

MyfanwyMontez · 05/12/2023 18:35

If this is real OP, I would be telling your “bestie “ to stick her wedding up her arse and fuck off .

Meera1 · 05/12/2023 18:35

Please just preserve your self respect and don’t let her treat you like absolute dirt! Don’t go to this wedding. Branding you with a sash so you don’t get served alcohol?! That’s just so nasty and demeaning.

fulawitt · 05/12/2023 18:36

Come to think of it I suspect this person is not your friend. She is a family member though, distant relative of some sort. Graciously decline, do not go. Expect retaliation though.

Kaz40s · 05/12/2023 18:37

Cancel the lot OP. She's a complete control freak!! You as an ADULT woman need to tell her where the hell to go!! You don't owe her anything(that's not how friendships work) so save yourself a ton of money/time & tell her to do one now 😡🤬

WanderleyWagon · 05/12/2023 18:41

I'm betting that the 12% of people who think you're being unreasonable are saying that because despite this batshit behaviour by your 'friend', you are still planning on going to the wedding.
This is not a friendship, she's bullying you. You would be perfectly justified in walking away.
She has provided unsuitable clothes for you to wear, little or no food for you to eat, apparently out of sheer malice, and is now suggesting that you give up your hotel room?!??! Wtaf.
If you have a therapist, I'd book an emergency appointment and ask for help overcoming your accumulated fear, obligation and guilt (FOG).

Kaz40s · 05/12/2023 18:46

Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 18:27

Best friend? I feel awful for you. This is so bad, you'd think it was made up.

Exactly, it's so terrible that I thought the same thing. You'd have to be a complete doormat to accept this behaviour from your 'best friend'. Unreal

londonmummy1966 · 05/12/2023 18:48

I read this as the first half of a script for Bridezilla the movie and have been amusing myself with how the rest of the film plays out. Our heroine the wimpy bridesmaid has a sudden "road to Damascus" moment about her non-friendship - ideally delivered by an Anjelica Huston character. They then devise a scheme to humiliate the bride in all the ways she had planned to humiliate her doormat friend. So far I've got

  1. Night before the wedding the OP goes to sleep with her friend.Little does our unsuspecting groom know that the OPs DH is in the room she's paid for. When the groom walks in, OP's DH (played by Vin Diesel) overpowers him on the grounds that he just knew the groom was going to rape his wife. Police attend and the hapless groom is marched off to the local nick. OP calls uncle bill the next morning and the groom is allowed out at about the time the wedding was due to start. Cue Bridezilla loitering at the altar for some time worried about whether or not the room will turn up. He does about 30 minutes late in yesterday's clothes unshaven and looking rather the worse for wear......
  2. In the meantime the OP has lost a shed load of weight and puts on the sexiest basque etc under her now 4 sizes too big bridesmaids dress that inevitably then falls off her during the ceremony leaving her upstaging the bride in all her scanties/gorgeous figure.
  3. At the reception the "sash of shame" mysteriously gets attached to Bridezilla's dress - no one else notices that OP had a tube of superglue in her pocket. Bridezilla is livid that the waiters refuse to serve her champagne as her plan to tell them not to serve the alcho in the sash has now backfired on her.
  4. OP slips laxatives into the brides drink so that during the reception she has a bit/lot of a bowel moment. OP does an MN tinkly laugh and says - of dear darling if the meal included something you couldn't eat you should have left it on the plate....
Anyone got any more ideas to help OP with her script/novel?
penjil · 05/12/2023 18:48

Throw the towel in with the whole lot.

Tell her why.

Then block her.

Enjoy the rest of your life.

Cabbagey · 05/12/2023 18:51

What are the odds that on the night, she will change her mind again, and you'll end up sleeping on the floor?

Then you'll be fully ready for the next day: wearing a dress that hangs off you, a sash that says 'no alcohol', having nothing to eat, on your own, being a servant and looking after her kid, while she parties with her husband and her actual friends.

Don't go along with this bully.

Imelda03 · 05/12/2023 18:53

Read your post again slowly. Now read it again.

she didn’t make you do anything you agreed and continue to do so.

For example she can’t take a room from you/stop you drinking/ force you into her room for the night and so on…..it’s takes the other to agree, and you are a grown woman.

so stop …..right now.

you say you can’t end the friendship as it’s not fair …..on who?

You either get up and walk away with your pride intact or you continue to be bossed around like an idiot……the choice really is yours and she actually has nothing to do with it xx

Nicole1111 · 05/12/2023 18:54

This woman sounds absolutely awful. I’d like to encourage you to tell her you won’t give up your room unless financially reimbursed and you can’t attend unless she provides suitable food, in the hope she throws a strop and you can get out of going. I’m not sure after years of being controlled though that you’ll feel able to do that so if you must go please find ways to make it more bearable (don’t wear the sash, change your dress in the evening because it didn’t fit and disappear for an hour to eat a pizza you ordered as you need to eat and take great pleasure in telling her where you’ve been). After the wedding you can then run like the wind away from this woman and don’t look back.

Backtomyoldname · 05/12/2023 18:54

sweetgingercat · 05/12/2023 17:53

This might be her wedding but I don't think this means she can treat you like a sub-human being. I suggest that you either put your foot down, or tell her you won't be coming.

  1. She will either return or alter your dress or you won't be wearing it.
  2. Now her husband to be is sleeping in the other room (bizarre behaviour as they already have a kid) she either books you another room and pays for it or you'll be coming on the day.
  3. She can shut up about your shoes or pay for the more expensive ones
  4. No to extensions. You are not her doll to dress up and play with but a person with your own sense of self and style that she needs to respect.
  5. Your partner will be there for the whole of the wedding, like everyone else's partner, or you won't be coming.
  6. You will be drinking along with everyone else, because you are a guest and not her slave for the night.
  7. She will organise food that will not cause you an allergy or require your epipen if you want her to be at your wedding.

This is a minimum, in my view. Anything less is impossible to accept as it would dehumanise you. Stick up for yourself and demand be treated properly or tell her you cannot come. And if you end up not going, try to recoup what you can from the money you've already spent. If, for example, her partner is now sleeping in the hotel room you have paid for, either ask her for the money back or ring up the hotel and reschedule the booking for another date that you and your partner can enjoy (and then let her know so she can pay for it herself).

I'm sorry to say this but I suspect she's long treated you like dirt and less than human, otherwise she wouldn't behave like this. And the strange behaviour of her friends at the hen party would support this. Do you have difficulty standing up for yourself or suffer from low self esteem? This is quite an extreme example not only of a 'best friend' treating you badly but also of you putting up with being treated really extremely badly and not knowing where your boundaries lie. In the nicest possible way, have you thought about some self help or therapy? If you don't respect yourself enough to put yourself first and see that these demands are outrageous and no one should ever ask anyone else to do them, then she will always put herself first because she knows she can get away with it. She is not your friend for sure, but then you are not your friend either.

This, these 7 points.

Think what you want the end result to be…

A. Out or B. go to the wedding but to be treated kindly, decently.

Text, write, email this to her along with the 7 points.

If A then you’ve a free weekend and a found £400. Block her.

If you opt for B give her a time scale for her response.

If she doesn’t respond or responds in a negative manner then walk. Block her.

Please can you let us know what happens.

Thanks

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 05/12/2023 18:54

What a load of bollocks

MsRosley · 05/12/2023 19:03

Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.

Yeah, sure.

Folklore9074 · 05/12/2023 19:04

I'm sorry but if this is true you are an actual wet wipe. When she says these outrageous things to you what do you actually say? Just stand there and nod your head?

On the off chance that this is actually true tell her tonight the conditions under which you will continue to participate in this wedding and stick to it. Better yet, tell her you are not doing any of this and never see her again.

PuppyPerson · 05/12/2023 19:09

The sash! THE SASH!! Nooooooooooo, run away from the mad bride OP. She is NOT your friend.
Where does one even procure a 'no alcohol' sash?
I cannot get over the sash!

autienotnaughty · 05/12/2023 19:11

Text her and say you found her challenging before the wedding but the wedding has brought the worst in her out. You no longer wish to be her friend and you will not be attending the wedding. Then get whatever refunds you can and block her.

If you think this is harsh remember she

Refused to ensure you have a safe meal
Took your £400 clean bed away
Is trying to make you wear a dress that doesn't fit
Won't invite your boyfriend to the day
Snubs you in front of others

Bookworm1111 · 05/12/2023 19:13

It was almost believable up until the no-alcohol sash.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/12/2023 19:14

londonmummy1966 · 05/12/2023 18:48

I read this as the first half of a script for Bridezilla the movie and have been amusing myself with how the rest of the film plays out. Our heroine the wimpy bridesmaid has a sudden "road to Damascus" moment about her non-friendship - ideally delivered by an Anjelica Huston character. They then devise a scheme to humiliate the bride in all the ways she had planned to humiliate her doormat friend. So far I've got

  1. Night before the wedding the OP goes to sleep with her friend.Little does our unsuspecting groom know that the OPs DH is in the room she's paid for. When the groom walks in, OP's DH (played by Vin Diesel) overpowers him on the grounds that he just knew the groom was going to rape his wife. Police attend and the hapless groom is marched off to the local nick. OP calls uncle bill the next morning and the groom is allowed out at about the time the wedding was due to start. Cue Bridezilla loitering at the altar for some time worried about whether or not the room will turn up. He does about 30 minutes late in yesterday's clothes unshaven and looking rather the worse for wear......
  2. In the meantime the OP has lost a shed load of weight and puts on the sexiest basque etc under her now 4 sizes too big bridesmaids dress that inevitably then falls off her during the ceremony leaving her upstaging the bride in all her scanties/gorgeous figure.
  3. At the reception the "sash of shame" mysteriously gets attached to Bridezilla's dress - no one else notices that OP had a tube of superglue in her pocket. Bridezilla is livid that the waiters refuse to serve her champagne as her plan to tell them not to serve the alcho in the sash has now backfired on her.
  4. OP slips laxatives into the brides drink so that during the reception she has a bit/lot of a bowel moment. OP does an MN tinkly laugh and says - of dear darling if the meal included something you couldn't eat you should have left it on the plate....
Anyone got any more ideas to help OP with her script/novel?

When groom turns up dishevelled, bridezilla decides he's not Instagrammable enough and demands OP let bride marry OP's husband instead (how handy, they're suddenly now in Aruba and OP can instantly divorce to placate her friend). So OP lets them.

Buffypaws · 05/12/2023 19:17

Yabu for going to the wedding. Who is this crank? Paris Hilton?