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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
Flump8 · 05/12/2023 17:46

Unfriend her now

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/12/2023 17:47

Lots of people are saying end the friendship but as it’s a long and close friendship obviously you’re feeling guilty at pulling out and/or ending the friendship. If you don’t either address the issues so you can attend the wedding in your favour or end the friendship then you’ll look back on this and kick yourself for being naive and playing to her tune.

She’s probably had an unhealthy friendship with you for years but the wedding has brought this out in full, plus bridezilla emotions.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/12/2023 17:48

She's getting a sadistic kick out of seeing how far she can humiliate you before you push back. If this a best friend I'd hate to meet your enemies.

Duckeggbluebutton · 05/12/2023 17:48

Please get your dignity back.

Doggymummar · 05/12/2023 17:49

Do not be her bridesmaid. Leave her to drown in her madness

MaidOfSteel · 05/12/2023 17:50

You need to ask yourself, OP, why your supposed 'best friend' wants so badly to humiliate and belittle you in such a public and prolonged manner.

Would you do that to a friend? No, of course you wouldn't. So please don't allow her to do it to you. Your partner is right. Please listen to him, and us, and tell her you will not be her bridesmaid and do not want to continue this twisted friendship.

Applerumleandcustard · 05/12/2023 17:50

You’re being unreasonable to go to the wedding , cut your losses now

Onceuponaheartache · 05/12/2023 17:51

Halfacnut · 05/12/2023 15:33

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

You ought to bin this "friendship" long before the wedding takes place.

This!!!

I get married next year.. my bridesmaids range from my best friend of 30 years to someone I met on holiday last year. They are all different heights, builds and weights. When we went shopping for bridesmaid dresses my only request was they all had the same colour and picked something they felt happy in. By absolute fluke they all picked out the same dress amd it looks amazing on them all.

You're not this persons friend. Please find some self respect and walk away long before the wedding.

sweetgingercat · 05/12/2023 17:53

This might be her wedding but I don't think this means she can treat you like a sub-human being. I suggest that you either put your foot down, or tell her you won't be coming.

  1. She will either return or alter your dress or you won't be wearing it.
  2. Now her husband to be is sleeping in the other room (bizarre behaviour as they already have a kid) she either books you another room and pays for it or you'll be coming on the day.
  3. She can shut up about your shoes or pay for the more expensive ones
  4. No to extensions. You are not her doll to dress up and play with but a person with your own sense of self and style that she needs to respect.
  5. Your partner will be there for the whole of the wedding, like everyone else's partner, or you won't be coming.
  6. You will be drinking along with everyone else, because you are a guest and not her slave for the night.
  7. She will organise food that will not cause you an allergy or require your epipen if you want her to be at your wedding.

This is a minimum, in my view. Anything less is impossible to accept as it would dehumanise you. Stick up for yourself and demand be treated properly or tell her you cannot come. And if you end up not going, try to recoup what you can from the money you've already spent. If, for example, her partner is now sleeping in the hotel room you have paid for, either ask her for the money back or ring up the hotel and reschedule the booking for another date that you and your partner can enjoy (and then let her know so she can pay for it herself).

I'm sorry to say this but I suspect she's long treated you like dirt and less than human, otherwise she wouldn't behave like this. And the strange behaviour of her friends at the hen party would support this. Do you have difficulty standing up for yourself or suffer from low self esteem? This is quite an extreme example not only of a 'best friend' treating you badly but also of you putting up with being treated really extremely badly and not knowing where your boundaries lie. In the nicest possible way, have you thought about some self help or therapy? If you don't respect yourself enough to put yourself first and see that these demands are outrageous and no one should ever ask anyone else to do them, then she will always put herself first because she knows she can get away with it. She is not your friend for sure, but then you are not your friend either.

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 05/12/2023 17:54

I have only read the first page of your thread @Poshpaddington
YABVVVU to not pull out of the wedding straight away. As everyone else on the first page has said, cancel the room, and cancel your (not in a million years) best friend too.
But I am sorry thar she has turned out to be such a controlling bitch. 💐💐💐

TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 05/12/2023 17:55

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2023 13:46

She is a mad, bullying narcissist.

Cut and run!

Bingo. @Poshpaddington she will react the same no matter whether you ditch her now or after the wedding. My sister did loads of shit like this. Find your balls, stand up to her and end it. Now. She’s controlling… and she won’t stop so long as she knows she can continue finding ways to be a bitch to you

Iloveacurry · 05/12/2023 17:56

You shouldn’t be going to the wedding full stop! She doesn’t sound like a friend.

Lordofmyflies · 05/12/2023 17:56

Op, this 'friend' is not a friend. Friends respect you, care about you and help you. She is doing none of the above and is being controlling and abusive towards you.
I would email or message her very calmly saying that you are unwilling to be a bridesmaid because she has done x,y,z. Then walk away and block her out of your life.

listsandbudgets · 05/12/2023 17:57

you do not need this person in your life OP. As PPs have said cancel the room and tell her exactly why you won't be there.

Fck the hair extensions, return (or not) the shoes and invest in a nice weekend away just for you. Presuming you get a refund £400 should go quite a long way towards that. Let her fiancee pay for his own bl*dy room.

She can sing for her babysitter / alcohol deprived slave - and as for risking your health by refusing to tell the venue about your allergies, words fail me

She's not your friend she's HER friend.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/12/2023 17:58

You're joking! Right. This is just too far fetched. I don't know of anyone who would tolerate a "friend" like this.
If your not joking, ffs.......RUN, NOW

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/12/2023 18:04

Onemoretimeok · 05/12/2023 17:45

In a years time, when you look back on this, you will feel much better if the story ends with “I told her what I thought and I didn’t go to the wedding” rather than “I went to the wedding and allowed her to walk all over me, and afterwards I went home and cried”.

👆

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/12/2023 18:07

YABVU not to cut her out of your life NOW.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/12/2023 18:09

Why would you go to a wedding, where the bride treats you like that?

Kpcs · 05/12/2023 18:12

Cancel the room and don’t go to the wedding. Don’t waste your money on this awful person. She does not care about you. She is being incredibly selfish and trampling all over you. A real friend would not treat you so poorly! A real friend would want you to have a good time at the wedding, not be using you as unpaid help at your own expense.

WowOK · 05/12/2023 18:12

Don't go to the wedding and end the friendship. This woman isn't your friend. Only you are honouring your long friendship. She is purposefully sabotaging you, using you and trying to embarrassing you. Cancel the hotel room, sell or return whatever you can, return the wedding gift and cut your loses.

Wedding are stressful but that doesn't mean you get to humiliate, use and abuse your "friends" and family.

NotManyDaysTilChristmas · 05/12/2023 18:14

She’s an abuser - they come in all disguises. Read what you’ve written from the perspective of a third person (or all of us), and tell her you hope she’ll be very happy but the so called friendship is over. You’ll feel a sense of relief.

GuitarGeorgina · 05/12/2023 18:16

I’d be leaving the friendship now! Why wait until after the wedding?!

JoyeuxNarwhal · 05/12/2023 18:16

"We do have a long friendship that I am honouring"

Mate. You're being a mug.

@Poshpaddington tell me where's the 'honouring' of you in all this?!

Don't go. But if you really feel you have to, at least wear clothes that bloody fit you!

RandomButtons · 05/12/2023 18:16

Abandon the friendship now- she’s an utter nutter.

If you loose money you loose money. Understand sunken costs fallacy.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 05/12/2023 18:23

Be off sick on the big day

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