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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends who always bring their teenager

502 replies

Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:42

Ok so I have a situation. Our close friends have 2 teenage daughters, the oldest is 18 and quite independent but the 15 year old comes with her parents everywhere.
At first our 7 year old son and her had a lovely relationship as she was only 13 when we first met and she didn’t mind hanging out him while the adults talked.
Now she’s 15, she almost ignores him and just sits with us and eats all the food, barely talking to anyone.
How do we politely ask them not to bring her? It’s so tricky as we always have our son with us because he’s so young but he’s quite happy to watch TV by himself while the adults chat.

OP posts:
Catsfrontbum · 04/12/2023 13:43

Watching with interest- as we have the same problem!

takealettermsjones · 04/12/2023 13:46

To be honest I don't think you can suggest that the 15 year old doesn't come but the 7 year old still can. Without arguments, that is. It's either child free or it's not.

Overthebow · 04/12/2023 13:47

takealettermsjones · 04/12/2023 13:46

To be honest I don't think you can suggest that the 15 year old doesn't come but the 7 year old still can. Without arguments, that is. It's either child free or it's not.

This.

Crunchymum · 04/12/2023 13:48

takealettermsjones · 04/12/2023 13:46

To be honest I don't think you can suggest that the 15 year old doesn't come but the 7 year old still can. Without arguments, that is. It's either child free or it's not.

This and I am quite surprised you'd think otherwise.

toddlermam · 04/12/2023 13:48

Why on earth shouldn't she be able to bring her? Confused

Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:50

She ignores my son which is quite confusing for him and sits with us so we can’t have adult conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:52

It’s in our home so our 7 year old will be there.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 04/12/2023 13:52

I met up with girlfriends last week, we all live miles away so only see each other once a year. One brought their daughter who is 15, we sat there talking about who her friends are, What GCSE’s she’s doing, what music she’s in to. I didn’t travel 134 miles in the pissing rain to talk about mock GCSEs. Yes the adults made conversation but we were all conscience a child was there so most of our conversations were off limits, or watered down. It was a pain.

lanthanum · 04/12/2023 13:53

Ask if she can babysit your son so you can all go out to eat.

HaddawayAndShite · 04/12/2023 13:53

If he’s sat happy to watch tv while the adults chat then why does the 15 yo need to babysit him? She’s not there to provide entertainment for him? And you have a problem with her eating food too?

Well you can either be honest and say “I don’t like your child leave her at home” and deal with the blow out, leave yours at home too or suck it up.

TBH she’s 15, I doubt she wants to hang out with her mum’s boring, middle aged mates and their little kid either.

LuvSmallDogs · 04/12/2023 13:53

Sounds like she's going through an awkward teenage phase, that most will come out the other end of as normal adults.

Julie and I were awkward teenagers - I'm sure our mums sounded off to each other about how awful we were. They were certainly aware of worse behaviour from us than this. 20 years later, Julie and I view each other's mums as pseudo aunts, and each other as pseudo cousins.

Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:54

This is exactly how it is! And this girl has gone from being quite lovely to a little surly as is often a teenager

OP posts:
Echobelly · 04/12/2023 13:55

I have you just need to live with it - maybe explain to DS she's at a different stage in life and feeling a bit awkward so not to feel too upset, it's not personal.

Greycottage · 04/12/2023 13:56

Well you can’t ask them not to bring her, can you? That’s just so rude and unkind.

You’ll have to just invite them less and wait for her to leave home or become less surly. Either way only 3-4 yrs to wait.

Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:56

Yep tried that, offered to pay but she doesn’t want to

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 04/12/2023 13:59

Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:52

It’s in our home so our 7 year old will be there.

I still don't think it matters. To me, the only polite way to ask this is, "hey, we've met up with the kids the last few times, it'd be nice to have a child free meet up! What do you think..." etc. Then you sort childcare for the 7 year old.

Grumpynan · 04/12/2023 14:00

It is difficult. I’m glad mine and my friends children are all past this stage now.

its hard for teenagers, not adults but not children.

could you arrange some activities the 7 and 15 would do together, play a game or watch a film ? Even if it’s only for some of the visit it does give adults time for adult conversations.

perhaps you could suggest she brings a friend so she can hang out in another room together, would your son be happy todo his own thing ?

tbh, she has an 18 old sibling, I would leave them at home together if I was visiting, you could gently suggest this ?

Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 14:01

That’s the problem - he doesn’t need babysitting by her, he’ll happily amuse himself for quite a while.
Unfortunately she hogs ALL the food and basically sits with us. It’s awkward and conversation is obviously different when a young teenager is present.
My son is too young to understand the context of what we say

OP posts:
randomstress · 04/12/2023 14:03

You can't uninvite the teenager.
Do you have enough space to set up a child living room and clearly designate it as such.
"So grumpy teen and 7 year old the downstairs room has been set up for you, I've set up the play station, put out the WiFi code and there are snacks and drinks. The adults are going to chat adult stuff up here"

Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 14:04

Yep this is the only way - difficult to find care at night though somewhere else

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 04/12/2023 14:04

Yep tried this too - she’ll still sit with us!

OP posts:
Fulshaw · 04/12/2023 14:05

I think you need to suck this up on the basis that they’re your friends and it won’t last very long. Another year or two and she’ll stop coming with her parents.

DidiAskYouThough · 04/12/2023 14:05

To make your replies make sense, either quote the comment, or tag the poster.

Either meet up with no kids, away from your house, or tell her not to bring her kid.

LuvSmallDogs · 04/12/2023 14:06

Parentslife · 04/12/2023 14:01

That’s the problem - he doesn’t need babysitting by her, he’ll happily amuse himself for quite a while.
Unfortunately she hogs ALL the food and basically sits with us. It’s awkward and conversation is obviously different when a young teenager is present.
My son is too young to understand the context of what we say

I'd be careful with that line of thinking, too young to understand context is not too young to remember it, parrot it and ask someone else what it means...😬

Nonamesleft1 · 04/12/2023 14:06

Pay the 15 year old to babysit and go to the pub 🤷‍♀️