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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends who always bring their teenager

502 replies

Parentslife · 04/12/2023 13:42

Ok so I have a situation. Our close friends have 2 teenage daughters, the oldest is 18 and quite independent but the 15 year old comes with her parents everywhere.
At first our 7 year old son and her had a lovely relationship as she was only 13 when we first met and she didn’t mind hanging out him while the adults talked.
Now she’s 15, she almost ignores him and just sits with us and eats all the food, barely talking to anyone.
How do we politely ask them not to bring her? It’s so tricky as we always have our son with us because he’s so young but he’s quite happy to watch TV by himself while the adults chat.

OP posts:
Vonesk · 07/12/2023 21:44

This is the weirdest post.
What it's saying is TEEN GIRL SHOULD ENTERTAIN MY BOY separate/ away from us or I'm OFFENDED.
Also: it says TEEN GIRL SHOULD MAGICALLY BECOME ADULT or stay home....??? W. T. A. F.
Teen Girl should not sulk ( unrealistic)
Someone please explain the thinking here.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 08/12/2023 15:47

Vonesk · 07/12/2023 21:44

This is the weirdest post.
What it's saying is TEEN GIRL SHOULD ENTERTAIN MY BOY separate/ away from us or I'm OFFENDED.
Also: it says TEEN GIRL SHOULD MAGICALLY BECOME ADULT or stay home....??? W. T. A. F.
Teen Girl should not sulk ( unrealistic)
Someone please explain the thinking here.

No, this is the weirdest post

toomuchfaff · 08/12/2023 17:20

takealettermsjones · 04/12/2023 13:46

To be honest I don't think you can suggest that the 15 year old doesn't come but the 7 year old still can. Without arguments, that is. It's either child free or it's not.

This...

What's a way to say you don't like their child? Say she can't come whilst yours I still coming...

Original poster
Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:34

CharlotteBog · 05/12/2023 13:55

She arrived before her parents? What did you even do in that 20 mins?
It all seems rather odd if she has been explicitly told she is not needed to babysit your son as has previously happened.

Really appreciate all your comments!

It was very awkward 😬 as I wasn’t expecting her and do find it difficult to reach her - 15 is such a difficult age!

Ok, you will all be pleased to know that I am embracing the 15 year old coming. This thread has given me such an insight into this tricky ‘in-between’ age. Maybe also, it’s nice that she wants to come!
I would only have wanted to go to an adult’s house at that age if I felt welcome, liked them and the snacks were OK Hahaha

I also tried to close this thread but to no avail. I agree with you @CharlotteBog that it’s getting tedious and will try again as I think many are responding without getting the full picture and who wants to read through 20 pages!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:42

Mama1209 · 07/12/2023 13:33

I don’t know why but the “ate all the food” part has really got my back up! You obviously just don’t like this girl.

FFS READ MY COMMENTS.

Sometimes teens are annoying, doesn’t mean we don’t like her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:44

TheaBrandt · 06/12/2023 14:34

Yes agree that’s very strange. Are you very glamorous or extremely nice to this teen op?! I have teens and cannot imagine either of them or any of their friends doing this!

Hahaha glamorous sadly no. Nice yes.
I think because we’re such close friends and they, themselves, have a revolving door policy and love entertaining, maybe the lines are blurred.

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:47

SunshineAutumnday · 06/12/2023 08:05

There could be lots of things going on:

Your friends are still in the routine off children attending as well and see their DD as a child and therefore can attend.

Usually the 15 yr olds would NOT want to hang out with 7 yr old - despite being paid and would happily hang out with adults.

You've got good snacks and they are hungry (most teenagers are always hungry).

She could be struggling with M/H, friendship issues and needs security off her parents.

Her parents insist she goes and won't take no for an answer.

As they offered to send her home when your DS goes to bed, I would try this tactic.

I’d say this is the most accurate assessment! 👏

OP posts:
Original poster
Parentslife · 09/12/2023 04:03

BACK ON PAGE 12 I posted an update for those still commenting

OP posts:
Hearmenow23 · 09/12/2023 05:27

Haha!! Good luck op! Nothing wrong with wanting an adult night. It's like when some twat brings their husband to your women's meetup. Complete dynamic change.

Delphinium20 · 09/12/2023 05:40

I love when my friends' teens sit for awhile with us. It's healthy for teens to be around adults so they can learn how to act, converse and behave. That's why she's gravitating to the adults. It's normal and frankly, when your son is 15, he'll benefit from socializing with the adults. Think long term. In a year or two at most she'll be off with her friends.

The fact she's not in a corner head down on her phone tells me she's far better than a lot of other 15 year olds.

Hearmenow23 · 09/12/2023 06:03

sit for awhile

Yeah, then bugger off!

T1Dmama · 09/12/2023 10:30

My daughters 13 and already doesn’t want to come to friends with me.
Have to make her attend & she’s not keen on the other kids there

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 09/12/2023 13:33

TBH, I think in this situation, I'd probably say, doesn't xx want to be out with her friends?! I'd hate for her to be stuck with us oldies!
I have a 15 year old, who will make herself scarce given the opportunity, so I say, I'm not sure if DD will be with us or not, please don't feel that she's being rude... so it's definitely luck of the draw whether she comes. I don't think it's appropriate really that she's always expected to be with us or that she's excluded

Noneavailablesam · 09/12/2023 13:41

Definitely would invite your friends child. Kids are different today mainly on their phones and don't talk.

I would suggest after dinner or something like that, it's time for Adults chat and not for children's ears.

And politely ask her to check in on your son perhaps put a movie on maybe games that they like some treats and popcorn.

Sweetnessoflife · 09/12/2023 13:48

Been there... Long drive to friends, only to spend the evening listening to a 15 year old daughter, not really what we wanted, we have four kids, youngest is 18, last thing we want to do is spend the evening with a teenager talking about school all evening.
When we've had people over, we'll cook food for our kids and they eat in another room with a film, we make it really nice for them so that they can have a nice evening and so that we can have an evening with the grown ups around the kitchen table, it works well and everyone is happy

daffodilandtulip · 09/12/2023 14:07

I agree OP. I have a friend who either brings her 15&18yo along, or they all sit in the lounge when I visit. They totally dominate the conversation and it feels pointless me even being there. I used to visit a few times a month but I cba anymore.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/12/2023 14:11

Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:42

FFS READ MY COMMENTS.

Sometimes teens are annoying, doesn’t mean we don’t like her.

Show quote history

@Mama1209

to be fair, if she ate all the food leaving none for anyone else that IS annoying! Why pretend otherwise?

Bearbear1962 · 09/12/2023 14:24

Have you thought maybe the 15 year old might have ASD? My 15 year old is the same, not rude or unsociable just different . Just a thought

pastaandpesto · 09/12/2023 14:25

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 09/12/2023 13:33

TBH, I think in this situation, I'd probably say, doesn't xx want to be out with her friends?! I'd hate for her to be stuck with us oldies!
I have a 15 year old, who will make herself scarce given the opportunity, so I say, I'm not sure if DD will be with us or not, please don't feel that she's being rude... so it's definitely luck of the draw whether she comes. I don't think it's appropriate really that she's always expected to be with us or that she's excluded

TBH, I think in this situation, I'd probably say, doesn't xx want to be out with her friends?!

I definitely wouldn't say this, either to the girl directly or to the parents. Lots of teenagers struggle with friendships and she may not have a group of friends to hang out with on demand.

Ilovecleaning · 09/12/2023 15:30

Parentslife · 09/12/2023 03:42

FFS READ MY COMMENTS.

Sometimes teens are annoying, doesn’t mean we don’t like her.

Show quote history

I agree,OP. It is not obvious that you ‘just don’t like this girl.’ Some posters on MN just have to make insulting, shitty little comments.

Arggghhhhhhhh · 09/12/2023 15:37

Can your son go for a sleep over hide so you can say he's not around so daughter will be bored if she comes? Otherwise, meet less regularlyand she'll be gone in a year.

Mummalove22 · 09/12/2023 16:03

Teen son splits from his first serious relationship he’s heart broken he caught her cheating I feel so bad for him he had no one to take to the debutante to finish school so I went with him how mean are some ppl. I don’t think I will ever trust another women with my boy again.. we love each others company and I want to make sure he learns everything he needs to and doesn’t feel left out any mums feel the same ?

Fabulousdahlink · 09/12/2023 16:45

Leave her at home !

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 09/12/2023 16:46

Mummalove22 · 09/12/2023 16:03

Teen son splits from his first serious relationship he’s heart broken he caught her cheating I feel so bad for him he had no one to take to the debutante to finish school so I went with him how mean are some ppl. I don’t think I will ever trust another women with my boy again.. we love each others company and I want to make sure he learns everything he needs to and doesn’t feel left out any mums feel the same ?

You need to start your own thread

Womtam · 09/12/2023 20:09

Parents parent differently and these close friends of yours have different expectations of manners (not eating as much as you want so that you aren't seen to be greedy) and including kids.
Doing things like "setting a president" to imply that they should leave their kid at home is just going to make you more resentful if it doesn't "work". They may assume you are just doing what's best for your kid rather than trying to send a message to them about how they should parent. In an honest healthy dynamic that's what they would assume it's nothing to do with how they should parent.