Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
Mirabai · 04/12/2023 20:26

I think the question is whether the gf will win Buddy over, or indeed anyone.

daliesque · 04/12/2023 20:28

WhatGoesUpMustComeDown · 04/12/2023 17:59

There's nothing more infuriating than people declaring 'dogs don't trump people' - yeh, that's fine, in YOUR world they don't. But, luckily nobody made you Queen or King of society, so that's actually just YOUR personal preference, and many people live by totally different rules. Deal with it.

In my world, some dogs do trump some people. And personally I think humans are far too arrogant and don't give enough respect to other sentient beings with thoughts and feelings - and it's usually because they don't understand enough about animal intelligence and the similarities in our brains and emotion centres.

Live and let live. You don't like dogs, fine. But there's no 'should' about the way others might interact with them.

👏👏👏

Vergeofbreakdown23 · 04/12/2023 20:28

100% tell them NO!

Moveoverdarlin · 04/12/2023 20:28

He’s a gorgeous dog.

Bobbybobbins · 04/12/2023 20:29

Good job at managing the arrangements OP! Personally I am not very good with dogs I don't know so I would never arrange to stay with one! This it totally in her and you have been very accommodating

daliesque · 04/12/2023 20:29

@Buddytheboxer he is so beautiful 😍

Crazycatlady64 · 04/12/2023 20:30

As a boarding kennels/cattery owner I can tell you that the majority of good kennels have been booked up for Christmas since the end of October.

AND whilst I am well aware there are some terrible establishments there are also many wonderful, warm and caring places with 5* ratings. Please don’t tar us all with the same brush.

we have a lot of dogs in for Xmas but most have been here many times. I agree that straight in for three days after never experiencing it before is unfair. Our guests start off with a few hours, then overnight etc.

They are guests in your house and should not expect to set conditions IMO.

Abracadabra12345 · 04/12/2023 20:32

It's always worth filtering the OP's posts before rushing to reply because the OP has resolved the issue. Check her updates

roarrfeckingroar · 04/12/2023 20:33
  1. It's a dog, not a child, so YABU to not be able to bear a day apart. But also
  2. The GF IBU to be so nervous around an animal.

Can you put your dog in another room / on a different floor?

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/12/2023 20:34

I'd tell them that that won't be possible as the dog lives here and isn't used to being kennelled. To expect it at short notice wouldn't be reasonable or fair to the dog. There won't be a space at a decent kennel now anyway so it's a moot point.

I'd offer to accomodate what I could, eg keeping the dog away from her, providing a place to sit away from the dog, asking if she'd like to meet the dog first to see how she feels and so on but as for the rest - too short notice and too large of an ask but also say we would be so disappointed if this prevented them coming as we love them and want to see them but it is just too late in the day to expect an arrangement to be made with a dog sitter.

FeedHedgehogsCatBiscuits · 04/12/2023 20:34

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

Don't you like dogs?

teddyandgypsy · 04/12/2023 20:40

Why should the dog be shut off from the family? He is family, this woman is NIT

Zoreos · 04/12/2023 20:40

Im not even a dog person but there’s no way i’d ask or expect a family to send their adored furry family member away for Christmas because I’m not keen on dogs. What the actual fuck? That’s lunacy. When you know a persons family set up you can’t expect them to send their pet away to suit them, that is beyond cheeky. Even if you’ve had a bad experience with dogs and you know they’ve got one, just politely decline. At your expense too I’d very well imagine. I’d rescind her invitation purely based on the fact I’m not a “blatantly cheeky fucker” type of person.

Bizjustgotreal · 04/12/2023 20:41

As a guest you don't get to dictate that someone's pets are out of the house when you visit. Tell them they are welcome to stay elsewhere.

Notonthestairs · 04/12/2023 20:42

Buddytheboxer · 04/12/2023 18:36

Further update: they have opted to go for my mum’s offer that they stay at my parents house, along with my PILs, and my parents will stay at ours. So we just need to be mindful while they are at ours and they can sit out the walks or we can have a bit of a rota. I’ll see if I can borrow a baby gate just in case as well.

Buddy may just win her over and help her wariness, you never know!

Just quoting this in case posters have missed the updates.
Good work Buddy!

SurreyisSunny · 04/12/2023 20:42

This is our first Christmas with our dog and we have made our plans around him. He’s part of the family.

If she’s nervous of dogs I’d reassure that you will make sure he’s kept away from her. Not trapped in another room as some have suggested though! The request can only come from a non dog owner. Good boarding not kennels would have had to be booked months ago. If she had a severe pet allergy I’d have more sympathy!

Mtlso · 04/12/2023 20:43

Not a chance, they need to respect your home and the fact that your dog is part of the family. She’s the one who should go into kennels or stay at a friends. Also, if your brother likes dogs and she doesn’t, that’s not your problem.

teddyandgypsy · 04/12/2023 20:45

On Christmas Day? For gods sake it’s a boxer not a sabre-tooth tiger. It is his home. Tell the girlfriend to stay away

Catsmere · 04/12/2023 20:45

Mirabai · 04/12/2023 20:26

I think the question is whether the gf will win Buddy over, or indeed anyone.

Truth! 😄

Crazyandthat · 04/12/2023 20:49

Bloody hell. My dog doesn't even go in kennels so we can go on a lovely holiday abroad (she home boards at doggy daycare and costs us a fortune!) never mind so someone can come and be a guest in her home!

I've not read the full thread, but have filtered to your responses, OP.. Sounds like you've come up with a fab solution though 🙂

Imagwine · 04/12/2023 20:51

Nicole1111 · 03/12/2023 19:07

I don’t think they get to dictate the terms of their stay, especially with this little notice. I’d also be worried about setting a precedent where your dog is always excluded from family events in the future to accommodate her. I’d aim for seeming reasonable while offering very little. Tell him your friends can’t help as it’s Christmas and he’s not been in kennels before and isn’t vaccinated for kennel cough so that’s not an option. Offer to put a stair gate on the kitchen though and say you’ll put the dog in there if his girlfriend is feeling uncomfortable. Hopefully once she sees how lovely your dog is she’ll be more receptive to spending time with the dog.

Good compromise result.

inamarina · 04/12/2023 20:51

WhatInFreshHell · 03/12/2023 19:05

The dog doesn't understand Christmas though? How can you put an animal before a human? It's pure madness!

It’s not about whether or not the dog ‘understands Christmas’ Confused
It’s more about him (not) understanding why he suddenly had to leave his home and stay in an unfamiliar place.

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 04/12/2023 20:56

exaltedwombat · 04/12/2023 18:45

This is hard. But people before dogs. Sorry.

Sorry but I can't agree with you. Generally dogs are much nicer people than human people are. You can also explain to an adult human why something is or isn't happening, and how long that might take, which you obviously cannot do with the adorable canine members of the family.

I am not including babies and young children when I say that dogs are generally nicer. It usually takes quite a while before - some -children become as horrible and selfish as their adult role models...

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 04/12/2023 20:57

inamarina · 04/12/2023 20:51

It’s not about whether or not the dog ‘understands Christmas’ Confused
It’s more about him (not) understanding why he suddenly had to leave his home and stay in an unfamiliar place.

Show quote history

And what inamarina said above.

WonderWoman1009 · 04/12/2023 21:02

Absolutely not. Nope and no again lol. I have 3 dogs they're my babies. My German shepherd can be a bit in your face as she's loves attention and affection. We say she's a labrador in a gsd body! But she comes part and parcel of our household, if you don't like it don't come round lol. I sometimes shut her in the garden or another room to give guests space from her neediness. But I'd never send her away so someone else could stay over. I'd rather my dogs company than anyone else's 😂 (other than husband and kids) but that's just me lol

Swipe left for the next trending thread