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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
SkySecret · 04/12/2023 21:06

That’s some next level audacity 🤣 the fact their first thought was that you should pay to send your own dog to kennels rather than them paying to stay elsewhere is mindboggling 🤦🏻‍♀️

Canwegodancing · 04/12/2023 21:07

Sounds like a good solution OP and hopefully it all works out and Buddy wins her over!!
He is gorgeous btw!
No way would I put out my furry baby to accommodate a visitor 🤷‍♀️

billy1966 · 04/12/2023 21:16

We don't have animals and I am absolutely gobsmacked at anyone thinking they could ask their host to remove a family pet whilst they stay.

I would think it is a huge red flag of things to come, particularly 3 weeks before the visit.

I wouldn't hesitate to tell them you absolutely understand if they prefer to stay elsewhere.

Huge CF alert!

FixItUpChappie · 04/12/2023 21:16

I think its very rude to ask IMO. Its up to them to stay elsewhere if they are unhappy with the arrangements at your place not impose this burdensome request on you. I would definitely frown upon a guest making such a fuss. Making other arrangements for a pet is a faff and bother for the owners and for whomever has to care for them. It would just be a "no sorry" from me.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 04/12/2023 21:19

Wouldn't even consider it. Outrageous request. Bloody cheek. Air bnb! (for them)

Pingu32 · 04/12/2023 21:24

I'd be wary of her, tbf

Baba197 · 04/12/2023 21:27

Why development de to stay with you when they know you have a dog?! YANBU, suggest they stay nearby and visit, dog could be kept away in other room for sonn min r of the time with some nice treats and hopefully gf won’t feel as nervous just seeing the dog fir short bursts but don’t send dog away

Diamondcurtains · 04/12/2023 21:27

Fgs absolutely no way should your dog go anywhere. I’m shocked he asked !

Italiangreyhound · 04/12/2023 21:30

Agree with Flickersy

"They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms."

momtoboys · 04/12/2023 21:30

Buddy is so handsome!

ScartlettSole · 04/12/2023 21:36

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 18:42

I value my relationship with my dog over just about every human one. There’s no such thing as “just” a dog in this house.

Show quote history

I'm the same. Would i fuck make my dogs go elsewhere for someone. I would however 100% boot someone out my dogs didnt like though!

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 04/12/2023 21:56

End of the day ddog is family. The gf is currently a stranger.... We had a ddog who wasn't a fan of guests. They were sat at the back of the table out the way!! Would happily have put them in the utility room but not really the way to treat guests!

Lolalady · 04/12/2023 22:05

Unless the GF has had a bad dog experience which has resulted in her “wariness” around dogs I think she should be an adult and come to your house. She doesn’t have to engage with the dog and I’m sure with everyone else being there he’ll have more than enough doggy love! I wouldn’t farm my dogs out for anyone Christmas or any other time.

Jade424 · 04/12/2023 22:05

A ‘dog’ is family. They’re furbabies not just a dog!

antikkiti · 04/12/2023 22:06

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

Clearly you don't like dogs or understand how much some people love them. The OP's boxer isn't "just a dog" he is a valued member of their family. I wouldn't give the BIL's request a moment's thought before declining it - it was outrageous.

Tiredandhungryneedwine · 04/12/2023 22:26

Glad most are on your side. Ignore the snide comments about ‘family first’ it’s ignorant and shows a complete lack of empathy and a narrow viewpoint. I understand that not everyone loves dogs but for some of us, dogs contribute to our self of wellbeing, good mental health and are absolutely members of the family. And those of us with non Disney families get that more than most. Sending your dog off to kennels would be cruel, especially one who clearly is used to being with you both. The contrast is likely to have a significant impact on your dog.
I would be honest and say you can put things in place to make sure the dog is kept away from GF but he will be remaining at home, both because you’d be very sad without him there but also because it’s impossible to get decent dog care 3 weeks before Xmas. Really out of order but suspect they haven’t thought it through and probably don’t realise the true ask, and sadly need it spelling out!

Louisa21 · 04/12/2023 22:30

I would not farm the dog out. Sometimes when I have a relative with a toddler visiting. I put my dog in the car (which she likes ) to facilitate the toddler. Not ideal and obviously only useful for a few hours here and there but it might help

fortnumsfinest · 04/12/2023 22:38

I'm not a dog person and would say I'm wary of them but I think this is a ridiculous request.
They can't dictate what you do in your own house. You're doing them the favour putting them up, if they are not happy with this they can find alternative accommodation not your dog

Blacksheepcat · 04/12/2023 22:53

Short answer is no!
It’s your dog…although not ‘just a dog’ …. A big part of your family and lives in your house. If they are uncomfortable with staying in your house, it’s their choice, they can go elsewhere. If she was uncomfortable around cats, children, pink sofas… whatever…. Is it your job to accommodate her and remove them from your home? Er…no.
No way would I kick a much loved, much valued , loyal member of my family out to accommodate my brother’s gf!

LeakyPipes · 04/12/2023 22:56

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

"Just a dog" is something that only a person who hasn't loved a pet could say. To those of us who have and love pets they are just as precious and beloved as human members of our families.

OP, I'd simply tell him absolutely not! What a bizarre thing to ask you to do! 😳

Whatonearthdidicomeinherefor · 04/12/2023 22:58

He's gorgeous ❤️

Grrrrdarling · 04/12/2023 23:01

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

@Buddytheboxer Your home is your dog’s home.
He stays in his home for Xmas end of!

WildflowersInAMasonJar · 04/12/2023 23:03

"Just a dog" is something that only a person who hasn't loved a pet could say. To those of us who have and love pets they are just as precious and beloved as human members of our families.

I think it’s said by people who are really unhappy in their lives, just to try to get a reaction from someone. I always pity how miserable their life must be to do that. It’s a bit troll like really. Best ignored.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/12/2023 23:22

I loved my dogs dearly but they were not children, not "fur babies" 🤮 and to compare kids to pets is utterly ridiculous.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/12/2023 23:24

Just seen your photo. Oh he's beautiful! I want to cuddle up to him by a fire.